Thursday, May 29, 2008

Vacationing in the ER

Occasionally, I will get e-mails from y’all, sending me lawyer jokes or telling me about something that happened at work that y’all think I might enjoy, but are hesitant to write about on your blogs. I received one such e-mail yesterday morning from an ER doc who shall remain nameless. He wrote to let me know that one of the ER nurses had walked in on a patient receiving a bj from his girlfriend (I’m not posting that part of the e-mail because of the umm, medical language he used.)

Having been jaded by reading so many ER medblogs, I just assumed they had been waiting for hours to be seen by a doctor, got bored, and found something to do to pass the time.

Here is the thread lifted straight from the e-mail (names changed, of course):

On 5/28/08,> wrote:
were they bored from having to wait so long?

On 5/28/08,> wrote:
well, there's a tv in the room, so they shouldn't be bored...

On 5/28/08,> wrote:
what? theres a tv in the room? i got no sympathy for you er docs anymore and don't want to hear anymore whining about patients who come in with non-emergencies. yall give them a private room with a/c, tv, drugs, food, drink. heck, they can call an ambulance to bring them there so they dont' even have to walk, they can save all their energy for the sex when they get there. all for free. who woudn't want to visit the er?

On Wed, May 28, 2008 at 9:22 AM,> wrote:
and i bet y'all have cable and free internet access too. its better than the NoTell Motel.

On Wed, May 28, 2008 at 9:42 AM> wrote:
70 channels and high speed wi-fi in fact... I don't mind the bullshit stuff, I just want to be paid well.

On 5/28/08,> wrote:
oh, and don't forget snack lunches and free cab rides home with a pocket full of freebie narcotics.

This got me to thinking. First, this e-mail is probably a hoax, because what self-respecting ER doc wouldn’t want to post something about bj’s on their blog. But then I read the part where he whined said he just wanted to be paid well and realized it probably was an ER doc.

Second, why should I spend good money on some fancy spa resort when I can get the same service just by visiting my local ER? There is free door-to-door transportation. All I have to do is dial three numbers and someone will rush to my house to pick me up. I don't even have to get out of bed. After being fussed over for a while, I will be whisked away to my 5 star luxury destination. And talk about VIP treatment--no waiting at red lights or getting stuck in traffic--people will pull over to let us by.

After arriving at the ER Resort, I will be greeted by concerned men and women who will give me their undivided attention. I will lounge around in air conditioned comfort, napping and being waited on hand and foot. I'm thirsty. I'm hungry. I'm cold, can I have a warm blanket? I LOVE those warm blankets. I usually order a margarita when I want to relax, but I guess I could try their feel-good drugs.

There will be people-watching, cable television, high speed internet access, on-site medical staff if I should get sick. Taxi service back home. All free of charge. I don't even have to TIP!!

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Tracking Someone Down

I just discovered this today. You can track someone's whereabouts using their cell phone number. Check it out. The country code is "USA".

Friday, May 23, 2008

New Timekillers

How many cannibals could your body feed?

I was going to post my results from the "Could You Pass 8th Grade Science?" quiz, but I quit after the 10th question. I don't like science. So the answer is NO.

I did okay on the spelling test, but am too lazy to go back and find out what word I misspelled. (I had to look up how to spell misspelled just now.)

There are more quizzes here:
OnePlusYou Quizzes and Widgets

Thanks Scalpel for the link to the new blog toys!

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Going Legal for a Minute

I don’t like to go legal very often on my blog, but I saw this and thought it was kinda funny. Keep in mind that commercial litigation isn’t exactly a hotbed of comedy so I take my laughs wherever I can find them.

In this case, a lawyer representing himself in his own bankruptcy case got caught allegedly trying to play fast and loose with the Court. The judge ordered Lawyer to do something. Lawyer didn’t comply with the Judge’s order. The judge then ordered Lawyer to appear and show cause why he shouldn’t be sanctioned and held in contempt. The lawyer failed to appear again. The judge got on the phone with the U.S. Marshalls, and told them to haul this lawyer’s ass into court. (I’ve seen this judge do this before). Below is part of the Order entered in the case after the Lawyer finally appeared before the judge:

I didn’t post this part, but the Judge also ordered the lawyer to “write a letter of apology to the United States Marshall’s office for not turning himself in immediately when they called him, apologizing for making the Marshall’s office spend substantial time and using numerous personnel in attempting to locate him, and acknowledging a substantial amount of taxpayer dollars have been expended attempting to locate him” (personally, I think I’d rather see my tax dollars and the U.S. Marshalls’ time being put to better use, but that’s another story).

Even though this is a public document, HIPPO requires that I redact anything that would identify the parties or disclose my location. But this is a real live legal document. You can trust me, I’m a lawyer.

Update: I forgot to add that Lawyer showed up at the next hearing with a document containing only 700 handwritten sentences. The Judge made him return to Court and produce the remaining 50 handwritten sentences.

Saturday, May 17, 2008

That’s Dr. MSG to You

Congratulations MSG!!!

I have been following MSG through the last two years of his med school career. He says he’ll keep on blogging, and I hope that’s true, but I'm not going to get my hopes up. I’ve been reading medblogs long enough to know that MSG might be boarding a bullet train to Sucksville in July.

Good luck and all the best, MSG.

Now I am off to find me a new medstudent to lurk around and ask the occasional stupid question.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Where’s the Beefcake?

I had a little dilemma when I was preparing the Dr. April post. I wasn't sure what kind of photo to use. The past calendar docs have been men and a dinosaur. I have no problem posting half nekkid men as my calendar docs (but I admit I have a problem posting 7/8 nekkid men). There was no way I was going to post a picture of a half nekkid woman and call her Dr. TBTAM.

First, I thought I would go with a 1950’s pin-up girl:

or maybe a racy cartoon character.
Then I thought, maybe it would be safer just to post a food related photo.

I ain’t afraid to say it – there are some days of the month when I would choose a chocolate cupcake over a half-nekkid man. But somehow, one cupcake didn’t seem to fit the spirit of the calendar doc post. So I thought about going for two cupcakes.

That was too subtle. Since it was food, I decided I could be a little more racy.

Maybe a little too racy. But I saved Willie just in case Dr. Keagirl agrees to be a calendar doc. 

Dr. TBTAM describes her blog as “sort of culinary gynecology,” so I considered a culinary gyno photo (and yes, I know my photoshop skills suck, thank you very much).

This photo covered everything—gardening, cooking and gyno. Just wasn't right though.

Bonus points for anyone that can guess the gynecological tie-in here.

A bit of calendar doc trivia -- the calendar doc that gets the most Google hits is Scalpel (my first photoshop pic).

Marilyn Monroe photo credit:

Monday, May 12, 2008

That Six Word Memoir Meme

I was tagged by Seaspray a while back with that 6 word memoir meme. Then I just got tagged by MMT at IntraopOrate.

Like everything else that I don't quite "get", I wiki'ed memoir and found Gore Vidal's definition: "A memoir is how one remembers one's own life, while an autobiography is history, requiring research, dates, facts double-checked." (I'll have to wiki Gore Vidal later.)

How I remember my life really depends on my mood and how my day is going. Since I got tagged twice, I'll do one for a good day, and one for a not so good day.

(1) All work. No play. I’m tired.

(2) How did I get so blessed?

I think I like the 6 word story meme better. Except for that embarrassing part where I got carried away and couldn’t stop leaving 6 word comments in my comment section.

I think everyone with a blog has been tagged with this one, so I’m not going to tag anyone. But I’d love it if someone left me a 6 word comment (because then I would have an excuse to leave a 6 word response. I lied earlier. It wasn't embarrassing. I had fun making up 6 word comments).

Sunday, May 11, 2008


I wanted to write something about my mom for Mother’s Day but knew I could never get the words to come out right. So I’ll just say this. When we go to my parents’ house to celebrate Mother’s Day today, I know that, in addition to the cards from me and my brothers, there will be a stack of Mother's Day cards from other “kids” -- my friends, my brothers’ friends, old neighborhood kids, new neighborhood kids, cousins, nieces, nephews, etc. All will be wishing my mother a happy Mother’s Day and letting her know they are thinking about her. My mother has that effect on people. She is one of those people who give, just because they want to, never expecting to get anything in return. I am going to try to be more like my mother.

Happy Mother’s Day.

Photo Credit: Another great photo from Carver. Thank you Carver.

Saturday, May 03, 2008

Dr. April is . . . TBTAM

I know, I start every calendar doc post off with, "this is one of my favorite medblogs". But it's always true. I love Dr. TBTAM and her blog. Not only that, I would love to be TBTAM (except for that part about looking at vaginas all day). She’s a successful wife, mother, doctor. She's talented -- she writes and sings her own songs. She is an accomplished cook. She travels around the world. Heck, she even makes New York sound like a nice place to live.

Here's my interview with Dr. TBTAM.

Q.1 Ok, first of all, from what I can tell, you are a gynecologist, but you used to also practice obstetrics. Why did you drop the obstetrics?

It wasn’t really planned. I was doing the usual every second to third night call with a busy academic practice and trying to also have an academic career. I realized that I was never going to get any research done unless I gave up something. When I got offered a job here in New York to help run the outpatient clinic at my current institution, I jumped at the chance to give up the OB and the night call. Academically, it was the right decision at the time, and I got a few good projects done over the next few years that I am really proud of. Of course, now that I have two kids, my academic career is stalled, although I still write a review article or book chapter a year, and give lectures and such. Hopefully, when the kids are older, I’ll get back to it more fully.

Q.2 How did you choose ob/gyn?

For the answer to this question, I shall point you to
this post I wrote for Blog for Choice Day in 2007. In short, I was rebelling against male authority.

Q.3 What other specialties, if any, did you consider?

I thought I was going into internal medicine. The residents and attendings in this field at my medical school were some of the most brilliant people I’d ever met. I loved hanging around with them. .

That may explain why I wanted to do a maternal-fetal medicine fellowship (like
MWAK). It’s a great mix of ob and internal medicine, and the folks in it are really smart. My mentor was an MFM, and I wanted to be just like him. But by the time I finished residency I was getting too old and couldn’t face the idea of any more years in training (I had not started med school till I was 25). So I just headed out. Luckily, my mentor recruited me to an academic job where he was heading, so I still got to hang around the real braniacs, even if I wasn’t one of them.

Q.4 Which did you discover first – medblogs or food blogs?

Food blogs. Once again, I will point you to
a post I wrote, this one a tribute to my first food blog, Butter Pig. It pretty much says it all about me, cooking and the food blog world.

Q.5 Can you recall the first medblog you read?

It was
Shrinkette. (Who has since given up blogging, though her blog remains on line and is fabulous. Come back, Shrinkette!)

A month into food blogging, I found myself wanting to blog about the rest of my life, but had all sorts of concerns about privacy (both my own and my patients’), as well as a desire not to endanger my employment. I dug around the web for stories and advice, and did a big post on the topic called “
The Dangers of Blogging” (which still gets a lot of traffic today). Lisa, one of my commenters (and a great advisor on the subject), pointed me to a post Shrinkette had done related to privacy.

Through Shrinkette, I found Grand Rounds, and the rest, of course, is history.

Q.5 What are you growing this spring in your container garden?

We planted pansies in the window boxes and I’m going to replace most of the herb pots because I think they have ants and I’m tired of fighting them in my kitchen every summer.

But the amazing thing about gardens is that once they are mature, they just show up in the spring so I don’t have to really plant anything upstairs on the roof other than some annuals for color. So we’re at the point where we just maintain what we’ve got. Which,
as I’ve written before, is no small task.

This weekend will be our first in the garden this year. We’re planning to put down the
compost we got, weed, prune, spray prophylactically, and plant the herbs. The best part will be going to the plant store to buy the herbs.

Q.6 How’s the nose? [Being a lurker (but mostly intimidated by the medical types who had left comments earlier), I didn’t leave a comment, but I thought your 36 hour post-closure scar looked like a heart. If I were going to have a scar, I would want it to look like a heart.]

You’re so sweet to ask. And you’re right – it does look like a heart. It’s doing really well, although my plastic surgeon thinks he wants to re-do the lower part, since the scar is too wide. Now that I’ve been through what I’ve been through, that’ll be nothing.

Q.7 Tell us about some of the more “interesting” tattoos you’ve seen on the job.

Actually, none too exciting. Women seem to avoid tattooing “down there”, and I think the clit ring phase is pretty much over, at least in the crowd I tend to see. Though could someone please explain to me this obsession with waxing? Have we women gone insane? By the way, you don’t have to apologize if you haven’t waxed for me. We’re not dating. Besides, it’s bad enough having to see the gynecologist, let alone enduring having every one of your pubic hairs pulled out in anticipation of the visit. WHY are women doing this?????

I once had a patient who had a clit ring, pierced tongue, lips and eyebrows who was refusing an office cervical biopsy because she was afraid it might hurt. I offered to pierce her cervix when I was done if that would make her feel better about the procedure. She laughed and ultimately agreed to the biopsy.

Q.8 Here are some items I stumbled upon while perusing the blogs of a few residents and medical students.

“Gyn residents are catty, very catty. All the rumors about the Ob/Gyn field being a sorority have so far held true…During none of the seven rotations I have completed this year, have I once encountered a group of residents that gossiped with so much malicious enjoyment.”

“I'm hoping surgery won't be this bad. OB/Gyn just seems to attract a real different breed of cat. And wtf is up with all this gossiping that they do? OMG I've never seen such mind games on any other rotations. From what I understand, at least the surgeons let you KNOW what they think!”

”90% of [OB] residents are catty, crazy, and evil.”

I only know you through your blog, but you seem pretty sane and non-evil. Has ob/gyn gotten a bad rap?

Yes. ObGyn residency is one of, if not THE hardest residency to do. If the girls are bitchy it’s because THEY’RE TIRED. Cut them a break, given them a foot massage and a cup of coffee and you’ll have those cats purring in no time...

Q.8 Is it really true you can’t get pregnant the first time you have sex?

Sure, if you’re a lesbian.

Q.9 Who is going to win this cycle of Top Chef?

I don’t watch it – I think it’s sort of a dumb idea, pitting chefs against each other. What I did love to watch was Molto Mario. I learned so much watching him cook. I also love Alton Brown, Ina Garten and Sarah Moulton, although I don’t really watch the Food Network anymore. It’s been dumbed down.

Q.10 Being the mature person that I am, if I was at the doctor’s office and had to refer to something “down there”, I wouldn’t beat around the bush, I would just call whatever I was talking about by its correct anatomical name. Same with activities that might involve things “down there”. However, I know that some people are immature and use nicknames, euphemisms, etc. Will you share some of the funny names you’ve heard about, well, you know?

“I wouldn’t beat around the bush”? That’s a funny one...

Q.11 If you were asked to be a challenger on Iron Chef, who would you want to compete against? Original and American version, please.

I am a complete rank amateur in the kitchen and would never presume to think I could compete with these guys.

Q.12 What could you not live without?

My laptop. Pitiful, isn’t it?

Q.13 If your life were turned into a movie, which actor would play you?

Bette Midler.

Q.14 What’s the biggest misconception about your job?

That I know what I’m doing. When it comes to the human body, and especially the female reproductive and hormonal system, we docs are still in the dark ages. I always tell my patients we’re like car mechanics, but we didn’t build the car and we have no manual. We are clueless. Trust me on this.

Q.15 What were you like in high school?

Smart, fat, nice, dull. I had a few good friends, but mostly, I hung out with my 8 brothers and sisters, who were a blast. Still are. We’re as funny as Seinfeld. Really. Sometimes we get a group email conversation going (usually about my dad - we are still very immature), and one email is funnier than the next and I have to stop laughing because I am at work and am supposed to be seeing patients.

Q.16 Jamie Deen or Bobby Deen?

Neither. As I’ve told my daughters, never date a man who uses more hair product than you do.

Q.17 Quickfire Questions:

Favorite movie?
When Harry met Sally. It’s New York, it’s real, it’s Meg Ryan pre-plastic surgery and Billy Crystal in his prime and some of the best movie dialogue ever written.

Favorite book?
You mean books, don’t you? I thought so.

Sophie’s Choice by William Styron. One of the few books I’d re-read if I had the time. Not to mention the fact that the movie was probably the most true to the book as any movie has ever been.

Prodigal Summer by Barbara Kingolver. Loved how she wove reproductive biology and farming politics into a great story.

Bonfire of the Vanities by Tom Wolfe. If you know New York, you have to love this book. Unfortunately, that movie sucked.

Straight Man by Richard Russo – You’ll laugh out loud.

Thank You for Smoking by Christopher Buckley – One of the funniest books I ever read. Also another poorly done movie.

The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay. Good from beginning to end

Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides. Biologically correct, beautifully written, especially the beginning.

A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers. Well, maybe it’s not all that, but I loved it.

Beloved by Toni Morrison

The Making of a Chef by Michael Ruhlman and Kitchen Confidential by Anthony Burdoin. Must reads for chef wanna-be’s.

Belle Canto and anything else by Anne Patchett, especially her memoir of her friend.

I read voraciously as a child, much more than I have as an adult. My favorite books as a kid were Anne Frank’s Diary, A Wrinkle in Time, The Little House on the Prairie series, Grimm’s Fairy Tales, the White Mountains and this old Children’s Bible that had a full page painting illustrating every story. I loved the Old Testament stories, which may explain why I know more about Judaism than my Jewish husband, and why I feel so much more comfortable around that religion than my own family’s.

Okay, that’s enough for today.

Favorite drink?

NYC Water. Cold. Straight from the tap, drunk best from a cupped hand placed below an open faucet.

Favorite meal?

Any meal eaten at my mother in law Irene’s house. You will never eat better food.

Favorite television show?

24. Since that’s not on these days, I’m watching the Wire on DVD.

Favorite curse word?

C’mon, you know what it is. You just want me to say it and sound crude. Well, fuck it, I’m not going to do that.

Any tattoos or piercings?

Just single ear piercings.

Any pets?

The one on the right.

Any heroes?

All the surgeons and OB docs out there who are working the nights and weekends that I stopped doing long ago. Operating for hours, delivering babies, saving lives. I used to be one of them, but now I am not. My style of office-based medical practice works for me and I think for my patients, and definitely for my family. But these guys - these are the heroes. I just play one in the daytime.

Thank you Dr. TBTAM for being Dr. April!

Photo Credit: from, then Later this week, I will have a post on how I chose a picture for a calendar doc who describes her blog as “sort of culinary gynecology”. I'm warning you now, don't read it if you are going to be offended by pictures of pornographic cakes.

Friday, May 02, 2008

Message from Dr. April

I couldn't leave this hidden in my comment section. A message from Dr. April:

April Doctor(sung to the tune of April Showers)

Though April Doctor
Is on the way
I’ve missed the deadline
And now it’s May

But don’t you worry
Have no regrets
Because the April
doctor’s always in
Around the internet

So if you read this
It’s really true
You’ll soon be reading
My interview

So keep on reading Medblog Addict
And sing this little song
Whenever April Doctor
Comes along.....