I wish this post could live up to its title.
I have no medical background, nor an aptitude for science. So it should not come as a complete surprise that after wandering through the medblogs for about six months now, I am still pretty much clueless. I probably still skip over more than I actually read. Nevertheless, I have picked up a few things over the past six months:
1. Batshit crazy. I love this expression and have incorporated it into my everyday vocabulary. I just wish I could use it when I am drafting a pleading to file with the Court:
The Plaintiff is batshit crazy. See Affidavit of Dr. Scrubs attached hereto as Exhibit “A”. For this reason, Defendant requests that the Court grant its Motion to Dismiss.
2. I am getting better at reading x-rays. Okay, let’s just say I can now tell when fingers have been blown off and I am starting to locate the bullets and knives a little quicker. I can also recognize a positive Throckmorton sign. Who knew those things showed up so well on an x-ray? My favorite post on the subject is on MDOD. Even a clueless layperson like me can appreciate that x-ray.
3. Along that same vein, I have also learned some medical slang and acronyms.
I started using these at work, thus making them legal terms:
BMW - Bitch Moan & Whine
DMFNFL - Dumb motherfucker, not fit to live
Goat Rodeo - Emergency scene which goes badly (resembles a bunch of people riding or wrestling goats) [occurs at least twice a day in our offices]
SWAG - Scientific Wild Ass Guess.
This is the reason I will never tell an ER doctor what I do for a living:
Chandelier's Sign - The result of any test or probing after which the patient must be removed from the chandelier.
I just like these because they are funny:
FDSTW - Found Dead Stayed That Way
OB/GYN - Oh Boy! Got You Naked!
Blade - Surgeon: dashing, bold, arrogant and often wrong, but never in doubt
RPVU - Relative Porsche Value Unit: surgical index of potential income from the repair of patient injuries, usually orthopedic in nature. Fractured finger = a windscreen wiper; a fractured hip = new tires, etc.
TTFO - Told To Fuck Off or, when being deposed, "Told to Take Fluids Only".
You medical people are so funny.