Dr. September is . . . Scalpel

Scalpel or Sword is one of my favorite medblogs. How could it not be? It's full of great ER stories, with an occasional recipe and cat picture thrown in. It's like Scalpel created my fantasy medblog. I became an instant Scalpel fan after reading "Veggie Tales".

Here is our interview:

Q1: How long had you been reading the medblogs before you started Scalpel or Sword? Is this your first blog?

A: About a year or so. GruntDoc was the first medblog I ever read, and I surfed round from his blogroll for a while. This is my first and only blog.

Q2: How would your co-workers describe you?

A: Cool.

Q3: I’ve already decided that if I ever end up in the ER, I’m going to call everyone Scalpel, just in case it happens to be your ER. I don't want to blow your cover, so do you want to give me a code word or phrase that you will use to let me know I stumbled onto the real Scalpel?

A: If you call me Scalpel, I'll reply "well I'm definitely not Movin' Meat."

Q4: So, what do you have against boobs?

A: I'm actually a huge fan. But if a woman thinks I'm looking at her breasts, I'm probably just evaluating her respiratory effort. Observing the chest is an important part of the ABCs. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Q5: You once wrote “I have met professional athletes and multimillionaire CEOs who travel by helicopter, and some local and national political figures and TV newscasters.”

I know you can’t give us any names, but how about providing us with the initials of three or four of these famous people. And maybe tell us what was wrong with them. You don’t have to be specific, just say STD but don’t reveal which one. It’s ok. I only have 15 readers and we’ll never tell.

A: Initials, eh? Alright: M.E., K.L., T.F., R.C., C.C. They just had normal ER stuff: SVT, musculoskeletal injury, syncope, abdominal pain, pneumonia. We're all the same inside. My strangest "celebrity encounter" was this crazy long-haired tattooed guy who claimed he was the guitar player for a famous metal band. He gave me a "backstage pass" which was just a brochure for a nightclub.

Q6: If one of your children wanted to be a doctor, would you be encouraging or discouraging? What if they wanted to be a lawyer? What if they wanted to go to UT? (We know you just want them to be happy, so skip that part and tell us what you really think.)

A: I would be thrilled if they became physicians. That would be four generations in a row for my family. I wouldn't mind if they became attorneys either...I once considered that career myself. I would be much more disappointed if they went to tu (that's what Aggies call the University of Texas). [I’m gonna leave that explanation in, but only because a few of my 15 readers aren’t from Texas]

Q7: Who would win in a mud wrestling match: Monkey Girl or Nurse K?

A: The viewers, of course. I'll be the ring doctor.

Q8: Do you play any musical instruments?

A: I play around with the drums, but I'm just an amateur. One of my friends is an amazing guitarist, and we jam every now and then.

Q9: Describe your fantasy sandwich.

A: First take an inflatable swimming pool filled with chocolate pudding....just kidding. Toasted sourdough with smoked chicken, pastrami, pepper jack cheese, and mustard; a side of Wavy Lays, a couple of dill pickles, and a Dr. Pepper on ice.

Q10. If space aliens came into your ER one night, what conclusions about the human race would they make?

A: I think they would LWBS (leave without being seen), then go back to the mother ship and exterminate us like ants.

Q11: In a post, you asked “Is it still called a ‘haircut’ if it costs $400? Or is there a fancier name for it? For that much money, he should have gotten a happy ending.”

“Happy ending”? Where the heck do you get your hair cut?

A: I cut my own hair. Number 3 on the sides and number 6 or 8 on top. I would never pay someone $400 for something I could do myself for free.

Q12: At what point in life did you decide that you wanted to be a doctor?

A: My dad took me on hospital rounds with him a few times, and I remember the nurses pushed me around in a wheelchair. So it seems like forever.


Q13: We know that between Scalpel or Sword, you would choose Scalpel, but what about:

Carrots or Peas - carrots
Real or Fake - real
Beach or Mountains - beach
Girth or Length - In Texas, you don't have to choose.
Cold Beer or Iced Tea - iced tea
Leno or Letterman - Letterman
Boxers or Briefs - briefs
Cats or Dogs - cats
Pepsi or Coke - Coke
T or A - T
Simpsons or Flintstones - Simpsons
Nuts or No Nuts - no nuts
Top or Bottom - top

Q14: And of course, what color scrubs do you wear to work?

A: Johnny Cash

Picture: This is Scalpel relaxing at home on a day off from the ER.

Photo credit: I don't know where the photo came from. I received it in a funny e-mail from Mom. She would kill me if she knew I told y'all she sent me that picture. As you can see, I chickened out and didn't post the whole picture. Here are the original pictures.

Hint for Dr. September

He's a doctor.

These calendar docs are so temperamental. Last month, Dino refused to be photographed without the scrubs. This month, the doctor refused to wear scrubs. In fact, he refused to wear anything at all. Something about changing his image. . .

I'm not sure the medblog world is ready for this.

The Embarrassing Gerbil Question

I’ve been trying to decide for months if I should ask about this on my blog. Y’all have always been good about answering my questions, and this seems like the perfect place to ask the gerbil question. I could probably ask about it in a private e-mail, but geez, I’m embarrassed—maybe this is something everyone already knows and I’m just incredibly naïve and uninformed. I could Google it but I’m afraid of what kind of spam I would get afterwards. Okay, I’m just gonna ask it. (I can feel my face getting red just typing this question).

For years I have heard the Richard Gere story. It always starts with “I have this friend who knows someone who works the ER” and they swear they were there the night Richard Gere came in with the “gerbil problem”. I know people do crazy things, but do people really do that with gerbils?

Proposed Rebuild of the NY Skyline

This is still one of my favorite pictures.

Amanda Gets Meme'd -- Volume 2

Here you go, Amanda. And just for future reference, ms. smarty pants, the day does not end until midnight (or does it end at 11:59 p.m.?).

This is called the AMEX meme. I’d link to it, but I can’t remember where I found it. I do recall reading that American Express was unhappy because not very many people answered Amex to the last question.

My Name:

Childhood Ambition:

Soundtrack:
Retreat:

Wildest Dream:

Proudest Moment:

Biggest Challenge:

Alarm Clock:

Perfect Day:

Indulgence:
Last Purchase:

Favorite Movie:

Inspiration:

My life is:

My card is:

I know, this is kind of a sucky meme, but I haven’t had a lot of time lately. Feel free to make it less lame by getting rowdy in my comment section and making up suggestive answers.

Update on Dr. September. I haven’t even e-mailed him yet to ask if he would be this month’s calendar doc. And it’s already September 4th . I know, I know. I’ll do it this week.

9/5/07 Update: Amanda has meme'd. She did a great job considering the meme she had to work with. I didn't even understand half of the questions. Amanda's been a good sport and I guess she's out of the doghouse for questioning my womanhood. Although, now I'm a little hesitant to add this next update. I received this e-mail after someone read the confessions in my comment section about how us girls will occasionally check out other women's breasts:

Apple announced today that it has developed a breast implant that can store and play music. The iTit will cost $499 or $599 depending on cup size. This has been hailed as a major breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

Do Good Girls Get Tattoos?

I’ve been restless for about 4-5 months now. At first I thought it was spring fever, but it’s September now and the restlessness is still there. In one of my earlier posts, I wrote that I wasn’t the type to get anything pierced or tattooed, so my hair usually took the bullet when I felt like I needed a change. I went blonde in April. Even then, it wasn’t that drastic a change.

What’s so wrong with a small tattoo? In a place that is well hidden from the public, but can still be accessed in case I ever feel the need to show it off. Maybe upper hip? I’ve heard that gravity isn’t too kind to tattoos. Even a small one? Maybe I’ll just get my belly button pierced.


Amanda—Amanda Gets Meme’d – Vol. 2 will be posted on Tuesday because of the Labor Day holiday. Thought I forgot, didn't you?