Monday, January 08, 2007

Warning: Boring Work Related Post

We have a client who owns a business in a very litigious industry. He has more money than he knows what to do with and isn't afraid to back down from a fight when threatened with legal action. He's also a sexist asshole. And a good buddy of Senior Partner. I try to avoid Mr. Client, but he likes me to work on his cases because I “really know how to write a classy ‘fuck you’ letter”. Before you start thinking conceited, braggart, etc., hear me out. Mr. Client doesn’t attribute these letters to my skills as a lawyer. He thinks I excel at writing these letters because I am a woman, you know, vindictive, mean, spiteful, vengeful, malicious. And he’s not joking when he says it, which is every time he comes into the office.

So, here’s a letter I drafted after you left my office today Mr. C.


Dear Mr. Client:

Fuck you and the horse you rode in on.

Sincerely,

M. B. Addict



How’s that for classy?

[hmmm...maybe he was right]



Happy Birthday Elvis

(Yes, this is my original post. It's my blog and I can change my mind if I want to. After all, that's what women do, right?)

10 comments:

Anon said...

thats my girl...

Anonymous said...

HAHHAHAHA Can I post that in the ER I work in? Then when someone gets gnarly I can point to the sign...

#1 Dinosaur said...

As you well know, your client is full of shit. No one writes a classier "screw you" letter than my father, an attorney for over 50 years. He can say "fuck you" so elegantly the recipient doesn't even realize it's been said. Obviously a gender-independent skill.

Anonymous said...

Equine. Positively equine.

Anonymous said...

I wish I'd seen the first draft.

Anonymous said...

If you were doing a "visual", you could do a "Texan"---point the middle finger upwards first (for the "screw you" part) and then directly forward/horizontal (for the "...and the horse you came in on" part).

Anonymous said...

Hi -- found you through #1 Dinosaur. Great stuff; I'm just as addicted to the voyeuristic sense of reading through all this lawyering stuff -- I'll be back!
A

Anonymous said...

Ah, the eloquence of lawyers...No wonder I'm addicted to Boston Legal.

difficultpt said...

I noticed that you haven't been posting much lately, so I wanted to help you out. Therefore . . .

Tag, you're IT!!!

Anonymous said...

The horse he rode in on, too?