Green Eggs and Ham - Legal Version

I ran across this and thought y'all might like seeing the lighter side of the law.

A prisoner was dissatisfied with the meals he was receiving in prison, so he did what any other red-blooded American does when he/she is wronged – he filed a lawsuit. Among other things, he requested that he not be served any more eggs:

Notice that he wants donuts and danish instead of eggs. In other pleadings, he stated eggs were bad for his health. In support of his motion, the prisoner submitted a hard-boiled egg to the Court. The judge wasn't too keen on having an egg kept as part of the official court records and wrote the following opinion:

Click on the pic to make it bigger so you can read it (I know, I suck at pictures).

I hate posting anything remotely legal because I feel like I have to provide some background, then it turns into this whole long post, then I get bored with it and figure you will too, so I just end up tossing everything into the computer equivalent of file 13. There's a whole lot more to this case, but this is all you are getting from me. If you want more facts, go here. The whole case is online. It's free and gets pretty entertaining at times. Warning, you may want to skip some items if you are offended by the use of the f-word in legal documents.

Strapless Panties?

Shibue Couture

I’m a bra and panty girl. I have drawers of them. All kinds and colors. So my eyes perked up when I saw Lynn Price’s latest post on Bloglines**. It was about a strapless panty! My reaction was the same as Lynn’s – “Double WTF?”

Granted, it’s a good idea. Who wants panty lines? But I’m not sure I trust the adhesive. I’m the kind of girl, where, if something can go wrong, it’s gonna go wrong on me. I know that, somehow, someway, if I wore strapless panties, they would end up on the floor in a room full of people. It doesn’t matter how many reasons why they are supposed to stay in place. If there’s even the tiniest possibility of something coming undone, loose, unraveled, disengaged, separated, detached, etc., then it will happen while I’m wearing it.

Here’s one of my better moments. On the first day of one of my many legal odd jobs during law school, I had to deliver documents to the chambers of a federal judge. I was told to haul ass because the documents had to be in the judge’s hands before he left for the day. I practically ran five blocks to the courthouse. On the walk/run over, a piece of lace from my half-slip got caught on my boots and, as I walked, I could feel the lace being torn from my slip and getting tangled up in my boots. I was afraid to take the time to stop and fix it.

By the time I walked into the office of the judge’s (male) secretary, one end of the lace was attached to my slip and the rest of the lace was wrapped around my boots. I handed over the documents. I knew I wasn’t going to be able to walk out of the office without the secretary noticing the lace and the fact that I was walking funny, so I thought, to hell with it. I reached down, ripped the lace off my slip, untangled it from my boots, put it in my briefcase and walked out without saying a word. He STILL laughs at me whenever he sees me

**I'm not sure this link will work. For some reason, Lynn has blacklisted me from her blog and everytime I go to her site, I get the same "Stack overflow at line: 54" error message. But I showed her, I just read her posts on Bloglines.

It’s like YouTube for Surgeons!

Or maybe YouTube for people who like to watch surgery. I received an e-mail today from the director of SurgyTec.com. He thought I might like to watch surgery videos. (Okay, it was a spamish type e-mail, but it had a personal feel to it... and I'm sure if he knew I was a woman, he wouldn't have called me Sir.) His description of the site:

It’s a video-sharing site for surgeons and medical professionals to show off their newly minted skills. It makes it easy for medical professionals to upload videos or slideshows and share those with the community. We can search for videos by specialty, organ/region, tissue, etiology, operation type, or technique. Many surgeons perform original and high-quality techniques in their operating room and equally many surgeons would like to learn from these new and inspiring techniques. Up till now it was very difficult, time consuming and expensive to take a look in each others operating room and share practical knowledge, tips and tricks.

I dunno, it might be a little advanced for me, but it might be interesting to someone who knows about these things, or just likes to watch people get cut up.

I have to confess, I really, really, really want to stitch someone up. When I first started reading the medblogs, I looked into ordering the instruments I would need to teach myself how to suture. I had big dreams of playing doctor with a pig’s foot.

P.S. Speaking of my medblog addiction beginnings, any mention of surgery always brings me back to my favorite post: Dr. Schwab's Taking Trust. He captured my heart with this post and my blog has been the unofficial Dr. Schwab fan club site ever since. Of course, I've had to tone down the Dr. Schwab ass-kissing after receiving endless teasing about it, but we all know nothing's changed.

Miscellaneous

I got nothin' to write about, and I'm procrastinating -- I have to sum up the courage to e-mail the next calendar doc to see if he/she will be Dr. June -- so you know what that means. More timekillers!

Better Late Than Never

I just found this "receipt generator". This would have been nice for my Vacationing in the ER post. Oh, what the hell, I'm gonna add it to the post anyway. Who's gonna notice?


My friends and family make fun of me because I am always watching old black and white shows on television. When I was growing up, my mother introduced me to Lucy, Ethel, Beaver and Wally, Donna Reed, Andy, Opie and Aunt Bee, Rob and Laura. She loved those old shows and I fell in love with all of them, too. We would sit on the couch together and watch old tv shows, just the two of us. My mom is one of those people who rarely sits down and watches television (especially true in the old days, when she was raising us kids), so it was a real treat to have her all to myself and watch tv with her. Anyway, that's what I thought of tonight when I stumbled onto this game: NameThatThemeSong. I couldn't get the picture to come out right, but note who the high scorer is. Of course, this is what happens when you play the game at midnight, eastern time, when the scoring starts over. I was the only one/first one playing. Heh. It was fun while it lasted.

Residents Preparing for July 1

Looks like someone's doing a little research before starting their new job. This is way out of my jurisdiction, but I would suggest scrubs. Scrubs in the morning. Scrubs in the afternoon. Scrubs at night. Geez-o-peetie. You can wear pajamas to work, why would you wear anything else!

Aww, I'm just kidding. Don't listen to me. Keep researching.

Letter to 911DOC

Dear 911DOC:

As you know, I am your most ardent fan. (I was going to say biggest fan, but I am afraid S.Cat and/or Etotheipi will call me fat.) And don’t tell Dr. X this, but you are my favorite MDOD doc. Right now, I’m sensing you are a little dissatisfied with your current job situation. Okay, a lot dissatisfied. I can tell this because all of your posts are spattered with the words “douchebags” “fucksticks” and “pussies.” Not that there's anything wrong with that. I hate to see you so frustrated, therefore, I have tried to come up with some career alternatives for you.

You’ve mentioned several times on your blog that you want to open a hot dog cart. Well, "wienie man" sounds good and I'm sure it's a nice career, but I just don’t see you making a lot of money at it. I mean, you’re a doctor, you’re going to need something that will allow you to stay current on the payments on your mansion, country home, his and hers Mercedes, yacht, RV, airplane, helicopter, race horses, and whatever else you rich doctors own. (I read the comments on KevinMD; I know you doctors possess all of these things.) After giving it some thought, I came up with a couple of alternatives that you might want to consider:

T-Shirt Guy

If you insist on having the hot dog stand, you should consider selling something else in addition to the dogs. Maybe T-shirts:

ER Valet Parking Mogul

I really got this idea from a comment THW left on my blog. He thinks ER’s need valet parking. I think that is a great idea. You can open up valet parking stands at ER’s all over the country. Maybe franchise it. Of course, I was planning on doing that, but since it’s you, I’ll let you have the idea (for a small percentage of the profits, of course).

Somehow, I don’t really see you trading in your scrubs for a valet parking uniform. Although, hiring hot guys in scrubs as valet parking attendants might not be such a bad idea. (I could take care of the interviews for you, you know, just to help you out.)

“Throw Down” Finger Man

Here’s another alternative. We get your buddy, Etotheipi, to supply us with fingers, toes, etc., whatever he has a surplus of that day. Then you travel all around the country, eating at fine restaurants and “finding” fingers, etc. in your food. I’ll swoop in and represent you, threatening to call Eyewitness News if they don’t hand over a big chunk of change to keep your mouth shut about their finger-licious food. Of course there will be a confidentiality agreement so we won't have to worry about word getting out about the "finger man". There is another benefit to this -- you will probably get to continue to practice emergency medicine. Something tells me things can get ugly quick after seeing someone pull a severed finger out of a bowl of soup.

If Etotheipi wimps out on the body parts, or gets too greedy, we’ll switch to “throw down” roaches. Probably not as profitable, but that just means you’ll have to work a few extra months. I’ll start researching now to figure out how many fingers and/or roaches we will need before we can both retire.

Let me know what you think.

Very truly yours,

Medblog Addict



I changed my font at pyzam.com

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