Wednesday, September 12, 2007

The Embarrassing Gerbil Question

I’ve been trying to decide for months if I should ask about this on my blog. Y’all have always been good about answering my questions, and this seems like the perfect place to ask the gerbil question. I could probably ask about it in a private e-mail, but geez, I’m embarrassed—maybe this is something everyone already knows and I’m just incredibly na├»ve and uninformed. I could Google it but I’m afraid of what kind of spam I would get afterwards. Okay, I’m just gonna ask it. (I can feel my face getting red just typing this question).

For years I have heard the Richard Gere story. It always starts with “I have this friend who knows someone who works the ER” and they swear they were there the night Richard Gere came in with the “gerbil problem”. I know people do crazy things, but do people really do that with gerbils?

33 comments:

Carver said...

You piqued my curiosity and I googled it. I hope I don't get spammed as a result. I must be naive since I never even heard the rumor. I couldn't imagine what you were talking about which is why I googled. All I have to say is urban legends are weird. Take care, Carver

mark a said...

ADM for urban legends snopes.com is a great place to search.

check this out http://www.snopes.com/risque/homosex/gerbil.asp

Charity Doc said...

While I have never taken care of any patients with lodged gerbils in their rectal vaults, I have seen many other disturbing foreign bodies. If you're interested, email me, agree to an unconditional confidentiality pinky swear that you'll never let anyone else see these pictures (xrays) and I'll let ya see one with a funny story behind it.

One time I took care of this guy who had been trying for 3 days to get a plastic tube (7 in. long x 2 in. in diameter with some marbles in it) out of his rectum. Naturally, I asked him how it got there in the first place.

"Um...well...I was..umm...well...umm...I was experimenting...yeah, I know, I was a dumb ass."

Me: "Judging by the xrays, I agree. You've shoved it... pretty high up your dumbass!"

Patient looks at me surprised and dumbfounded at my bluntness.

Me: Hey, you said it. I was just agreeing with ya!

BTW, thanks for your comments the other day on my dead blog. I'm a li'l bit busy these days and not yet ready to return to full blogging status. I've been busy setting up a free clinic in Crack City. But "I'll be baawck." *evil laugh*

Celeste said...

I want to see the X-rays!!!!!

My sister did a midlife makeover and became a nurse. Her favorite E/R doctor showed her an X-ray of a Rectal Foreign Body (a beer bottle, in this case) and told her he knew exactly what kind of beer it was. She was amazed and asked what it was.

He said, "A Heinie*!".

*Heineken imported beer ;o)

jmb said...

Like Carver I didn't have a clue but after all the comments I don't have to google it.
Thanks for asking on our behalf!
regards
jmb

Lynn Price said...

Totally off topic, but....CHARITY DOC LIVES!! How I miss your blog

DocsGirl said...

One of the nurses I used to work with told me a story of a male patient that came in...explaining that his wife and him and were having fun with a computer mouse. Well, two of them, that is. (Would that make them computer mice???) :)

They taped them together and placed them in a "special" spot. I guess it just rubbed me the wrong way because they used ones with cords and...shoved them in...cords first. Hmmm...

Medblog Addict said...

Thanks for the comments guys. I didn't even think to look on snopes.com, but now I've checked it out.

Charity, of course I want to see your x-rays, pictures and anything else you're willing to share. I'll e-mail you later with an official pinky swear confidentiality agreement. Thanks for not posting my comment on your blog. *wink*

SeaSpray said...

Actually MA, years ago an ER Doc told me about seeing that very thing. I am not sure what you are talking about with Richard Gere but I am guessing you are talking gerbils up the rectum.

I had never heard of it until he told me about it but evidently they use a tube inserted in the rectum through which the gerbil is inserted. (didn't say exactly how) The guy ended up going to the OR because he was getting torn up or something like that. Poor gerbil- I'd certainly rip someone up if they did that to me.

Ignorance is bliss isn't it? :)

Trenchdoc said...

Most recto-philes are animal lovers but that IS one of my favorite episodes of SouthPark.
I have seen beer bottles, beer cans, plenty of BOB's, a bottle of Brut cologne (it leaked), a Granny Smith apple (required a partial colectomy) a TV antenna, safety pins and most disturbing a dozen Barbie doll heads (not my case but I was asked to help)... those were the sane people... other more bizarre items were pulled from prisoners and mentally ill.

Amanda said...

*note to self*
Do NOT, under any circumstances, read ATM's posts while eating breakfast.

This goes double for her comment thread.


That said, woman, I just sprayed food out my nose. ACK. Talk about foreign bodies... hehe.

difficultpt said...

ewwwwww.

mark a said...

Yes Seaspray, and therein lies the problem. Being in the medical field myself I have also heard heard the gerbil stories, from many people at many different institutions yet if you perform a PubMed search using 'rectal' and 'foreign bodies' you'll pull up 255 articles but no mention of gerbils. I myself have seen a variety of X-rays with foreign bodies were you wouldn't expect them, butt to date have never seen a case report or x-ray with a gerbil.
Yes, I am a skeptic, and I am still laughing at all the comments as I write this comment.
PS My apologies to ATM for misspelling my original comment

Doc's Girl said...

MA - The bf has a post about this that I think you will really enjoy. :) Yes, it says "A Mother's Helping Hand." Warning, it's quite funny/gross/disturbing. :)


http://sarcasticallyyourz.blogspot.com/2007/05/mothers-helping-hand.html

Ms-Ellisa said...

Yuk........
Remember the "ass box" in scrubs?!

Mauigirl said...

I'm so glad to learn that the gerbil legend is a hoax. I always felt terrible for the poor gerbils.

SeaSpray said...

Recto-philes Trenchy? LOL! That's like "Pupillated" over at Throckmorton's Other Signs blog which i have been enjoying greatly. :)

Oh and MA and Trenchy- YOU TWO HAVE TO KNOW that I AM CRACKING UP every time I start my comment with ...Throckmorton. I simply can't get past it. I don't think I ever will. :) As a matter of fact I am thinking of naming our next dog Throckmorton- male or female, just because I can. It will be my little secret chuckle every time I look at or think of the dog. It will be fun to watch the vet's reaction and people in the know. Or maybe vet's don't know? Well,a friend will know too. She still grins when we talk about going somewhere with a salad bar. :)

Barbie doll heads? How in the world does a big granny apple get up there???? Talk about causing a traffic jam up what should be a one way exit street!

I know..I admit it...I am naive about these things and I come back to ignorance is bliss.

Speaking of pins, a while back Dr Keagirl on Urostream did a post on Needle Dick because in a meth craze he shoved I think 16 or 23 needles up his schwing schwang that she got called in to remove.

Ms Ellisa that was a funny Scrub's episode!

Mark this doc left our hospital no later than 1990 or 91 and so he told me this before computers, etc. He was a very funny guy with a great sense of humor but he was serious when he was talking about this. I don't know...where there is smoke there is fire...OR where there are rectums...there are recto-philes? ;)

MA- I left you a response to your comment in riding the cotton pony regarding my mint "tingle" comment. ;)

Nice to see Charity Doc again! :)

Charity Doc said...

Hey, MA. Check your email. Xrays sent with story. Let me know!

Hi Seaspray, Lynn, Trenchy, et al.

BTW, word verification for this comment ended in XXX. Yep! Triple X's. No, the email only contains xrays pics, nothing too graphic. But don't open it with children present, if you know what I mean.

SeaSpray said...

Hi there Charity Doc! Glad to know you are still around. :)

Congrats on the free clinic!

DisappearingJohn said...

Well, I haven't seen near as much as everyone else here; mainly some vibrators and a can of hair mouse...

DrShroom said...

I always thought there was a case in Salt Lake City. I myself have seen one, for real, with my own eyes. Staright up. Fella was fine, gerbil was DOA, sadly

DrShroom said...

PS - I couldn't get consent for a case report.

PPS I also once treated a guy with a vibrator lodged in his rectum/sigmoid, who insisted on shouting "go on Doc! You can do it!" during the removal process... very offputting.

difficultpt said...

Um, I had to bring the us but . . .

When do we get to meet MR. SEPTEMBER???

;o)

SnowLite said...

I just want to know...is this all about the prostate?

difficultpt said...

oops, "bring this up" is what I meant . . .

Bohemian Road Nurse... said...

Seaspray: You cracked me up with that term "schwing schwang"!!! I'm going to start using it, heh!

SnowLite said...

Haha! BRN-it cracks me up too. Yet another Scrubs euphemism. :)Also to their credit: bajingo-vajina, sea Biscuit=urethra (that's my take on it because the chief said to Elliot because he knows she is repressed when it comes to using the actual words like vagina,etc., says to her, "Oh Dr Reed, Mrs (somebody?) is having pain every time she makes whizzie winkles out of her sea biscuit!" LOL!

My favorite words- whizzie winkles, bajingo, sea biscuit, schwing schwang,and from Grey's Anatomy- V-JJ for vagina Throckmorton and babbaganoush.

babbaganoush just a food but like the word. :)

Sorry Trenchy-recto-philes didn't make it. :)

Oh and I am SeaSpray-just playing around with a different blog for the heck of it but I don't know how long SnowLite is sticking around.

Gee MA-I may have sent you into more adult ratings. ;)

Doc's Girl said...

That makes me wonder...do the docs have to call anyone in the event that the animal died? Animal cruelty?

Hmmmmm......

mark a said...

well DrShroom, you are the very first person who has ever provided an actual 'first person' account so I have to believe you. I guess it wouldn't surprise me that given the wide spread nature (multiple innuendo's intended) of these stories that someone, somewhere would actually want to try it. although I seriously doubt it is or was a common practice as was described.

BTW often times a patients consent is not required for a case report as long as there are no patient identifiers in the manuscript and it is approved by the IRB.

I leave you now cuz i have to go take a whizzie winkle out of my sea biscuit.

cheers

SeaSpray said...

That's funny Mark - LOL!

Except, I don't think you can take a whizzie winkle. I think you have to "make" whizzie winkles. And I think whizzie winkles are the feminine version of urine. They sound kind of pretty and sparkley, don't they? Mine are. ;)

Anyway,I think we have to come up with a more m-a-n-l-e-y word. ;)You can take a whiz but ya can't take winkles or tinkles and I think whatever you take has to be a one syllable word. I'm just sayin.. ;)

Last month I did a post on something stupid I did at the urologists office and I talked about how every time you go to the uro docs office, it is a prerequisite that you will give a urine sample - the law actually. There is a metal door that you are supposed to leave the sample in and staff collects it from the other side. Every time I am always wanting to open the door at the same time and say, "Hi!" but I don't. Neighbor suggested I put a pretty bow on my cup of pretty whizzie winkles for them. Tempting thought but instead I am just smiling about it on my side of the door. :)

Sorry about all the whizzie winkle talk, it's on my mind because I am doing stuff with it again. :)

MA-I may come back to delete this.

Dr Shroom - I can see where that would have been a bit offputting! :)

Zipperhead said...

Oh good gracious I'm about ROFL with some of these comments! Thanks for a great discussion at your blog.

Have a good day. :)
Zipperhead aka Keesha

Prudence said...

Oh, I've heard of such stories. Though, I haven't seen a patient who tried it. Hmmm...that's one puzzling scenario.

Lynn Price said...

"recto-philes"

Ain't is just bad luck seeing a word like that?