MonkeyGirl Gets Golden Rings

[Well, I guess this picture could explain why MonkeyGirl was a week late with her answers.]

On the fifth day of Christmas, your true love gave to you, five golden rings. Score! What did you have to do to get 5 golden rings?

I can't go into detail lest I push your blog rating into the NC-17 category. Let's just say that the discussions we have at the nurses' station at 3 am are all about how to get sparklies from our true loves, and it's enough to make the docs blush!

Q.1 When did you decide you wanted to be a nurse?

When I realized how long med school would take. I'm more of an instant gratification kind of girl.

Q.2 What’s the best part of your job? The worst?

Seriously, the best part of my job, hands down, is helping truly sick people. The worst part, without a doubt, is the not sick people with an overwhelming sense of entitlement that suck the ever-lovin' life outta me.

Q.3 Did you have another career before you became a nurse?

Aw, hell, nursing is a career? I mostly consider it a side job until I figure out what I want to be when I grow up. Or if I grow up. I used to manage a Taco Bell. Now that is a career! And the fringe benefits (ie: free food) were fantastic. Too bad I moved up one whole pants size every six months or so.....

Q.4 Is this really a true story?

A nurse caring for a woman from Kentucky asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. The nurse asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."

Not only is it a true story, but we are no longer allowed to use KY brand lubricant in our ER because the patients kept eating it. We now exclusively use "Quick-Lube Gel". Sounds like something you'd find at an oil change place.

Q.5 A lot of people get to my site after googling things like “hot nurses”. Y’all seem to have quite the reputation. Do patients ever hit on you?

Yup. All the time. Apparently, the drunker the psych patients are, the better looking I get. Rawr.
Q.6 When did you first hear the expression “nurses eat their young”?

The first day of nursing school. And every day thereafter. All I can say about that is..... mmmmmm. Young are tasty.

Q.7 What’s the most useless thing you have ever bought?

My husband's crazy ex-wife. Well, she's not paid for yet, we're still making payments, but she is indeed truly useless.

Q.8 If you could have a superpower, what would it be?

Invisibility. Dude, think of all the fun you could have. And the stuff you could steal, er, borrow. Besides, I'm better looking when you can't see me, anyway.

Q.9 Tell us about the most embarrassing thing that has happened to you on the job.

Somebody spilled a coke on a chair and I sat in it. Immediately after realizing my mistake (because my ass was soaking wet) we got an EMS call for a code. I had no time to go and change. By the time we called the code, my pants were dry, so I didn't think about it again. 4 hours later, as we were leaving, one of my "friends" pointed out that it looked like I had a major explosion of diarrhea in my pants, and had been walking around with it all night. It did. And I had. I wanted to die. They laughed at me for weeks.

Q.10 What food do you absolutely hate and will never eat?

Oysters. Aphrodesiac my ass. What's sexy about throwing up?

Q.11 What’s the name of one movie that you watch over and over?

Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Come to think of it, maybe that was when I decided to go to nursing school. "Heard that you were feeling ill, had a fever, and a chill...."

Q.12 For the most part, nurses and doctors don’t really bitch about each other in the medblogs. Is that because there is not that much to bitch about or are y’all just playing nice on your medblogs?

It's kind of an "us against them" thing as far as I'm concerned. Docs and nurses against the patients. Seriously, as much bitching as I do about stupid patients, do you really think I have time to bitch about the docs? Occasionally I'll work three or four shifts in a row with the one doc that I absolutely hate, and then I have a lot to bitch about, but frankly, I'm so worn out after working with him that I don't have the energy to bitch. And as far as the docs on the medblogs go, I only read the ones that I like, so I rarely feel the need to bitch at them, because I usually agree with them.

Q.13 What do your co-workers do that really irritate you?

Everything. Don't laugh. I'm not kidding.

Q.14 Tell me the craziest thing you have ever seen at one of those wild hospital Christmas parties I’m always hearing about.

Unfortunately, patient confidentiality laws apply here, because she did end up in the ER. But I can tell you that she was naked, there were broken bones, and cooking oil was involved.

Holiday Quickfire Questions.

Favorite…

a. reindeer - Comet, of course. He's the fastest.

b. cookie - Danish Butter Cookies. I can eat the whole tin.

c. carol - Feliz Navidad. Especially the part where you can hear "The Chicken Dance" in the background.

d. holiday television show - The Sound of Music. I'm not sure why it's a Christmas show. But it's on every year at Christmas time and I watch it every year.

e. activity - Eating holiday treats. As many as possible.

Thank you for being my fifth day of Christmas, MonkeyGirl.

Drummers for GuitarGirl, RN

On the twelfth day of Christmas, your true love gave to you, twelve drummers drummin.’ What are you going to call your band now?

There actually is a band called Twelve Drummers Drumming. It's a hideous German synth-pop band. Besides, my true love knows I would prefer guitars. Or even kazoos.

Q.1 When did you decide you wanted to be a nurse?

When I was in an emergency room getting my toe stitched up after breaking a glass-top patio table. The nurse was a very cool Gulf-War vet. We got to talking, and he said, "You're pretty smart! You should be a nurse!" and I said, "Okeydoke, sounds like a plan!" And then six months later I was in nursing school. My mom was thrilled: she's a nurse and a nursing educator.

Q.2 What’s the best part of your job? The worst?

The best part? Sticking people with needles. (You think I'm joking?) Actually, I love having the knowledge about how to make people feel better or make them not die, at least. I love leaving at the end of the night being able to say, "I did this and this and this today, and you know what? I did a good job." The worst part? The fatigue and burned-out feelings. Like after three 12-hour shifts in a row, my compassion muscle is just about worn out. It's like, "The next person who asks me for a pillow is going to get my foot up their ass. Oh, I'm sorry you're so sick. Uh, that's why you're in the hospital, jerkie!" (Please note that these are things I think--not say. Ok, well, maybe I say them under my breath.)

Q.3 Did you have another career before you became a nurse?

Yep, two. I was a musician/bartender type person for a long time, and I worked in publishing for a while too. I used to have an assistant and an office. Sometimes I miss having a door I can close...but then I remember the high stress level and the teeny tiny paycheck and I get over it.

Q.4 Is this really a true story?

A nurse caring for a woman from Kentucky asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. The nurse asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."

HA! I remember that story. I actually saw it on a bulletin board at nursing school; it was in an "anecdotes" column in a nursing magazine. I've never had a patient eat KY jelly, but you'd be astounded at the ways people misuse things. Once a patient's relative came out of the GYN room where her cousin was and asked me for more glycerin swabs to moisten her hyperdramatic cousin's dry lips. I was confused, because we don't usually have glycerin swabs in the ED; they're more of a "floor" type item. I asked to see the ones she was using and she pulled out one of our STD culture tubes--it's a plastic test tube thing with some gel that acts as a culture medium in the bottom; there's a long cotton swab attached to the screw top. You swab something with the Q-tip thingy and then put it in the medium and close the cap. I was kind of horrified. I really hoped she had been using new ones out of the cabinet; occasionally a doc will leave a specimen on the counter and then forget to come back for it.

Q.5 A lot of people get to my site after googling things like “hot nurses”. Y’all seem to have quite the reputation. Do patients ever hit on you?

Yes, but mostly they're homeless or prisoners, so it's not super flattering. One story is here: Once, as a student nurse, I was taking care of a young man who was a prisoner; he was in for a hernia surgery or something. I noticed that he was drawing on a pad, and I said (in my innocent student nurse way), "Hey, do you like to draw? Can I see your art?" Dumb move. The first picture was of a flower. Then I turned the page and the next page was of a woman with a large caboose being penetrated by a very large veiny wingwang, which matched the one that was now poking out of the sheets. I was like, "Oh, uh, thanks..." I guess prison guys have to draw their own porn.

Q.6 When did you first hear the expression “nurses eat their young”?

At some point in nursing school during some seminar about "The Future of Nursing" or some such.

Q.7 What’s the most useless thing you have ever bought?

Those sonic mouse-deterrent things. The mice were like, What is THAT? for about six minutes. Then they were back in full force. Out came the old-fashioned snap traps. No more mice.

Q.8 If you could have a superpower, what would it be?

I would love to be invisible. Actually, that's not true. I would love to speak a lot of languages--call me Polyglot Girl! I often wish that I could carry around an idiomatic knowledge of five languages at a time in my head--but I could swap them out as necessary. I could only have five at a time, but I would have the ability to speak any language at all! I know, weird superpower. But useful.

Q.9 Tell us about the most embarrassing thing that has happened to you on the job.

I walked around with poop smeared on my hip and didn't notice until it was dry. I kept smelling poop but couldn't figure out where it was coming from, until a tech said, "What's that on your---IS THAT POOP?!?" in front of like seven hundred people. They called me Shit Scrubs for a week.

Q.10 What food do you absolutely hate and will never eat?

Hm. I like a lot of foods, but I'm not a fan of cooked green leafy veggies. I hate broccoli, and if I HAVE to eat it, it HAS to be raw. Not a fan of spinach either. And I don't do organ meats. Wait, that's not true. I love a good pork terrine, and that has organs and snouts and tails and lips and all sorts of junk in it.

Q.11 What’s the name of one movie that you watch over and over?

Star Wars. Geek-o-RAMA! Sad, I know.

Q.12 For the most part, nurses and doctors don’t really bitch about each other in the medblogs. Is that because there is not that much to bitch about or are y’all just playing nice on your medblogs?

I don't know...I know I've complained about other nurses on my blog. But I think that there's SO much other stuff to bitch about that we just haven't got around to each other yet!

Q.13 What do your co-workers do that really irritate you?

I cannot abide selfishness and non-team-playerness. I do lunch reliefs when I first come in, and some people consistently come back so late from their breaks that either I don't get a break, or I can't relieve the person whose area I'm taking later on time. Sometimes I do afternoon breaks, and occasionally I'm the only one there, so everyone can only get 15 minutes. Except that there are two nurses (the kind that eat their young) who say, "Fifteen minutes? I'm taking a half-hour!" and they never come back, and then some other people don't get their afternoon break. That's just totally selfish and mean.

Q.14 Tell me the craziest thing you have ever seen at one of those wild hospital Christmas parties I’m always hearing about.

Believe it or not, I've NEVER been to an ED Christmas party! We have these huge blowouts, but for the last three years I've always been either working or unable to go for whatever reason. This year they're not having one because of the "economy." I have heard some crazy stories, too...people falling down, being found in closets, forgetting to be aware of their various body parts, etc etc. Maybe someday I'll go to one. I had a great time at the residents' graduation dinner/dance, but since parents are there, there's a lot less debauchery.

Holiday Quickfire Questions.

Favorite…

a. reindeer - Blitzen!

b. cookie - Pignoli cookie!

c. carol - "The Holly and the Ivy"

d. holiday television show - Any of those classic claymation ones. I love that little dentist elf dude, Herbie!

e. activity - Seeing friends and family at various gatherings!

Thank you for being my twelfth day of Christmas, GuitarGirl,RN.

Eleven Lords a Leapin' Over the Platypus

On the eleventh day of Christmas, your true love gave to you, eleven lords a leapin’. Leapin’ over what?

Leapin' Lizards!!!

Q.1 When did you decide you wanted to be a nurse?

I was already getting educated for an allied health profession when I found out about an accelerated BSN progran, so I started taking the prerequisite classes to get into that.

Q.2 What’s the best part of your job?

We can wear white after Labor Day, and pajamas every day. The worst? Having to wear pajamas every day, except the dress code enforcement here is pretty lax and we wear pretty much whatever we want, so I guss that's another best part.

Q.3 Did you have another career before you became a nurse?

I did a skilled manufacturing job for fifteen years, so, yeah, kind of.

Q.4 Is this really a true story?

A nurse caring for a woman from Kentucky asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. The nurse asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."

Uh...

I've never seen KY where I work. We use Surgilube, but I wouldn't put it past a hillbilly to eat the stuff. I've seen people eat a lot worse.

Q.5 A lot of people get to my site after googling things like “hot nurses”. Y’all seem to have quite the reputation. Do patients ever hit on you?

I got kicked in the neck and bitten, two separate incidents, this year.

Q.6 When did you first hear the expression “nurses eat their young”?

Prob'ly in school.

Q.7 What’s the most useless thing you have ever bought?

Probably clothes. I'll walk in the store and say "oh, pants are on sale" and I'll buy a pair or two not thinking that I already have tons of pants. Hell, I don't even need pants for work since we can wear pajamas every day.

Q.8 If you could have a superpower, what would it be?

Shape shifting.

Q.9 Tell us about the most embarrassing thing that has happened to you on the job.

I don't know. My boss says I put Fuck You as a chief complaint on a chart, apparently that's what the patient told me, but I don't remember doing it.

Q.10 What food do you absolutely hate and will never eat?

Stinky cheese.

Q.11 What’s the name of one movie that you watch over and over?

I don't do that, but there are some movies that are so good that I'll watch them whenever they're on TV. And then there are the ones that I've never seen in their entirety in one sitting but I've caught enough bit and pieces over the years to put it all together. Say if something like Cool Hand Luke comes on I have to watch at least some of it. Goodfellows fits into the bits and pieces category. (That's the one where they do the Lufthansa Airlines heist, right?)

Q.12 For the most part, nurses and doctors don’t really bitch about each other in the medblogs. Is that because there is not that much to bitch about or are y’all just playing nice on your medblogs?

Doctors aren't worth the effort. Oooof!

Q.13 What do your co-workers do that really irritate you?

Leave the caps lock on.

Q.14 Tell me the craziest thing you have ever seen at one of those wild hospital Christmas parties I’m always hearing about.

I've only gone to one holiday party, and that was the year I started my current job and the new job and the old job both booked adjoining banquet rooms on the same night. I got bored and left before they had to get the police involved.

I was talking to my neighbor last night, he's the head chef at the place where this year's party was, and he said "it was pretty wild, you guys can drink". They bought gourmet pizza for those of us who had to work.

Q.15 - Do you play a musical instrument?

No.

Holiday Quickfire Questions.

Favorite…

a. reindeer - they kind of all look alike to me. Dexter?

b. cookie - Chocolate Chip

c. carol - Oh Holy Night can almost make me cry

d. holiday television show - National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

e. activity - falling asleep on the couch


Thank you for being my eleventh day of Christmas, the Platypus at March of the Platypi (and thank you for the canned platypus!)

The Hero Factory

Christmas overload! Here's something different. I'm a hero! If you go to the Hero Factory, you too can be a hero.

You know, that looks just like me. Well, if I had red hair. And if I went to the gym more than once every six months. And if that pound of fudge I ate last weekend hadn't gone straight to my ass. But other than that, it looks just like me.

The 12 days of Christmas will return tonight.

Ten Dancin' Ladies for ER Nursey

On the tenth day of Christmas, your true love gave to you, ten ladies dancin' . Hmm, what kind of dancin'?

Well let's pretend they are actually ten hot Chippendale dancers.......then they can do whatever dance they want!

Q.1 When did you decide you wanted to be a nurse?

The day I realized my bum of an ex-husband was always going to be a bum and kicked him out. I needed a job where I could make a decent living since I didn't think I would ever see a dime of child support (and never did) My family laughed themselves silly at the idea since I am not known for being "warm and fuzzy."

Q.2 What's the best part of your job? The worst?

The best part is when we have a really sick, unstable, actively dying patient and we all swing into action to save their lives. Or when I have a patient who is writhing in pain-pale, sweaty and vomiting because the pain is so bad and with an IV and some medication I can take the agony away. Or when a patient is dying and I can help them die with dignity. There are many, many best parts - these are just a few. The worst part is the people who abuse the system. I hate the sense of entitlement that is so pervasive in our society.

Q.3 Did you have another career before you became a nurse?

Great earth mother, I gardened, baked my own bread, canned our own produce and all sorts of crazy things. If any of my friends heard that they would laugh in disbelief.

Q.4 Is this really a true story?

A nurse caring for a woman from Kentucky asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. The nurse asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."

Well that wouldn't be the strangest thing I've ever seen. Just recently I had a homeless guy bust open the hand sanitizer and was eating it trying to get drunk. I last year I had a guy that was swigging down the contents of his urinal.

Q.5 A lot of people get to my site after googling things like "hot nurses". Y'all seem to have quite the reputation. Do patients ever hit on you?

Yes but they are either A) older than the hills or B) crazier than a bedbug or C) blind drunk. Sadly I am a little more than middle-aged and my 'hot nurse' days are over.

Q.6 When did you first hear the expression "nurses eat their young"?

In nursing school. Unfortunately it is true. This is one of the reasons why nurses will never advance as a profession, some of us are too busy back-stabbing and fighting amongst ourselves to organize. If we could organize we could be the most powerful profession in America.

Q.7 What's the most useless thing you have ever bought?

Well I would say the exercise bike but it actually performs nicely as a place to hang clothes at the end of the day. Hmmmmm.......

Q.8 If you could have a superpower, what would it be?

I'd like to be able to fly.

Q.9 Tell us about the most embarrassing thing that has happened to you on the job.

I tripped over a kick bucket and fell down ending up half behind the head of the gurney. Of course the doctor was in the room along with three of the patient's family members.

Q.10 What food do you absolutely hate and will never eat?

Any sort of organs, I am not much of a meat eater anyway but organs are DISGUSTING!

Q.11 What's the name of one movie that you watch over and over?

Last of the Mohicans

Q.12 For the most part, nurses and doctors don't really bitch about each other in the medblogs. Is that because there is not that much to bitch about or are y'all just playing nice on your medblogs?

You know there are things we do that irritate each other but when you work together in 'the pit' you become family. We bitch but there is a lot of love there also.

Q.13 What do your co-workers do that really irritate you?

Leave their trash all over. I CANNOT stand that. I would be scared to see some of their houses.

Q.14 Tell me the craziest thing you have ever seen at one of those wild hospital Christmas parties I'm always hearing about.

I don't go to them but boy have I heard some stories! Who needs to go to parties to see wildness? At my last job two of the traveler got fired because they got caught having sex in the employee bathroom while supposedly working. Both of them were married, not to each other. Both were men. I wondered how they explained that to their wives.

Holiday Quickfire Questions.

Favorite…

a. reindeer...Vixen

b. cookie...Frosted Sugar Cookies cut into holiday shapes

c. carol....Oh Holy Night

d. holiday television show...The Year Without a Santa Clause

e. activity....Watching 'A Christmas Story' on Christmas Eve in our new Christmas 'jammies and slippers which is the one present we open on Christmas eve.

Thank you for being my tenth day of Christmas, ER Nursey.

Nine Pipers Pipin' for Vitum Medicinus

On the ninth day of Christmas, your true love gave to you, nine pipers pipin’! Where are all of those pipers going to sleep?

Thank goodness I am studying at a more rural hospital these days, in a town where large, new apartments are dirt cheap (compared to living in the city). So, there’s lots of room at my place! Bring ’em on! Now if I could only get them to stop piping past 9pm so I can sleep…


Q.1 When did you decide you wanted to be a doctor?

In high school I knew I wanted to do something healthcare-related and loved volunteering in the hospital, and so I naively just assumed the only option was to become a doctor. Fortunately, during my undergrad, I took the time to look into other healthcare professions, and find out what it is they do, and of all the things I considered, becoming a doctor always seemed to stay at the top of the list in terms of matching my personality and interests.

Q.2 What’s the best part of medical school? The worst?

Best --- the people I meet. So many fascinating people! Patients of all ages and their families, the brilliant, amazing doctors who teach us, and the many different people I work with in the hospital all make this job way more interesting than many others. Most of all, though, I’m lucky to be a part of the group that is my med school class – just picture all the nerdiest university grads, than an application and interview process screens out the ones that have done the most interesting things and are the most social, and then imagine partying with those people for four years. That’s pretty much med school right there.

Worst --- the sacrifices you have to make for it. It really does demand everything you’ve got. One doctor put it best in an article I once read in Time magazine, saying that medicine is something we are passionate about – “we gave up our 20s for it.” Most of my buddies now have a career, and an income, and free evenings and weekends, and while I know there’s a silver lining to come, right now I’m still in the thick of it. I’ve invested 6 years of hard work in this already, and am still trying to juggle a debt, studying, clinical commitments, exams, loved ones, and squeeze in some semblance of a life in and around that…and I still have at least 4 years of that left.

Q.3 Did you have another career before you started medical school?

Unlike some of the fascinating people in my class, including nurses, engineers, actors, satellite astrophysicists, and teachers, I did not. I did, however, have lots of odd, fun jobs, including graphic designer, executive intern, event coordinator, radio commercial voice artist, and pizza dough maker!

Q.4 How many times a day do you think, “Forget medical school, I’m going to get a job, or go to law school, or go to business school?”

Every time I walk by the Wendy’s, and see their sign offering jobs with benefits, great hours, and a free uniform – how could I not?! (Random fact: my friend actually is taking a year off medical school to try out law school, and worked a deal with the medicine faculty that he could come back after a year if he wanted to!)

Q.5 I know you’ve diagnosed yourself with ADHD, but what else have you “caught” since you started medical school?

What haven’t I caught would be a better question. I have a whole series of posts on diseases I’ve self-diagnosed that I have yet to type up, some of which are completely legitimate, such as reactive airways (which resolved completely when I moved out of my dusty apartment!) and oral hypersensitivity syndrome (can’t eat apple skin!). Others I’ve suspected I still haven’t been able to prove… such as depression (every med student meets the diagnostic criteria during finals!) to hypothyroidism (always tiiirrreeeddd) to dementia (around exam time especially) and congenial facial hypertrichosis (ie. the wolf-person syndrome)… okay, just kidding about that last one.

Q.6 If I promise not use the information for evil, tell me all about these “call” rooms. Where are they usually located in a hospital, what do they look like, do you share them, who is responsible for changing the sheets, do you get to use those warm blankets?

After watching Gray’s Anatomy, I was disappointed to find that none of the hospitals I work in have bunk-bed, co-ed call rooms. The ones I use can be located anywhere in a hospital, sometimes close to maternity/surgery/ICU, are usually big enough for a bed and a table with a phone, and have either a shower in the room or shared with other call rooms – how nice they are falls on quite a range depending on the hospital (med students quickly learn which hospitals are affectionately called “Hotel” because of the nicer call rooms). The hospital housekeeping staff changes the sheets daily or when the keys are returned, and we use the blankets and linens from the same pool that every patient gets to use…I try not to think about how many time the sheet or pillow could have been vomited or bled on by an extremely ill person before I use it.

Q.7 What’s the most useless thing you have ever bought?

Wow, only one thing comes to mind as soon as you ask this … it was a little electronic device I bought when I was a kid, that made a buzzing sound that is supposed to keep mosquitoes away. The buzzing was supposedly at the same frequency as the predator dragonfly wings, which apparently scared the bugs away. The stupid thing didn’t work - I still got malaria in Africa – and besides, it made the most annoying buzzing noise.

Q.8 If you could have a superpower, what would it be?

To make time stand still so I could spend more time with the people I love. I hate to sound cliché but the less time I have to spend with them the more I appreciate it! (I won’t lie, though, I’d use some of that time to study more before exams!)

Q.9 Tell us about the most embarrassing thing that has happened to you since starting medical school.

I was on a class ski trip, after a long day of skiing, and I was really tired and not thinking straight (some other people would say I had lost a bet concerning my beloved Toronto Maple Leafs and thus had to drink a lot of tequila … but I’ll deny that vehemently). We were getting dinner, and I found out the waitress was a teacher who studied at a university near where I was from. I thought I was being very friendly and making polite conversation by asking her, “What did you major in, waitressing?” and I couldn’t figure out why she walked away and ignored our table for the rest of the night. At the time, my friends were much more embarrassed than I was.

Q.10 What food do you absolutely hate and will never eat?

Ooh, you’re asking a guy who will eat anything… I haven’t had anything that I won’t eat again. Those cooked semi-developed bird embryos aren’t that appealing, though, I’ll be honest.

Q.11 What’s the name of one movie that you watch over and over?

When I have time I like to dig up The Game, a 1997 movie with Michael Douglas and Sean Penn that I first saw on a plane with my dad, the first thriller I remember ever really understood what was going on.

Q.12 For the most part, nurses and doctors don’t really bitch about each other in the medblogs. Is that because there is not that much to bitch about or are do you think they are just playing nice on their medblogs?

I think it’s because for the most part, in real life they get along fine. Every nurse has a handful of cruel doctor stories, and every doctor has a handful of incompetent nurse stories, but 99% of the time the interactions they are productive and professional. That being said, I do have a nasty story about a doctor yelling at a nurse that I am hoping to post when I have some free time during Christmas… it will definitely ruffle some feathers!

Q.13 What do your co-workers (or classmates?) do that really irritate you?

Act all stressed out all the time, and freak out about stupid little things, and then ask me about them instead of looking in their e-mail or on their schedules.

Q.14 Tell me the craziest thing you have ever seen at one of those wild hospital Christmas parties I’m always hearing about.

Sorry but my lawyer won’t allow me to discuss issues that are part of an ongoing police investigation.

Q.15 Do you play a musical instrument?

Yep – I’ve taken lessons in viola, trombone, and piano (and classical singing…okay, fine, call it opera… does that count?) but only really play the viola now.

Holiday Quickfire Questions.

Favorite…

a. reindeer – um…the one with acne rosacea… alcoholic…red nose…what’s his name….ahh Rudolph, that’s the one! my old buddy, always spiking the egg nog!

b. cookie – the soft yummy gingerbread cookies my amazing girlfriend made me this week

c. carol – Ukrainian bell carol

d. holiday television show – Jingle All the Way, a 1996 movie with Arnold Schwarzenegger, Phil Hartman and Sinbad that is quickly becoming a Christmas classic. Not sure why I love it so much.

e. activity – doing anything with my friends & family

Thank you for being my ninth day of Christmas, Vitum Medicinus.

Kim at Emergiblog Gets Milking Maids

On the eighth day of Christmas, your true love gave to you, eight maids a milkin’ What are you gonna do with all that milk?

Make Eggnog Lattes!

Q.1 When did you decide you wanted to be a nurse?

July 14, 1966, when I was nine, after reading “Cherry Ames, Student Nurse”

Q.2 What’s the best part of your job? The worst?

The best: helping someone get through a rough time. The worst: ED docs who order enemas.

Q.3 Did you have another career before you became a nurse?

I was a waitress and sold appliance insurance policies via the phone.

Q.4 Is this really a true story?

A nurse caring for a woman from Kentucky asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. The nurse asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."

If it isn’t, it should be!

Q.5 A lot of people get to my site after googling things like “hot nurses”. Y’all seem to have quite the reputation. Do patients ever hit on you?

I have never had a single patient hit on me. Ever. Nada. Not even when I was young and cute. No doctors ever did either. Geeze, now I’m wondering what is wrong with me….

Q.6 When did you first hear the expression “nurses eat their young”?

Back in the early 1980’s.

Q.7 What’s the most useless thing you have ever bought?

A treadmill.

Q.8 If you could have a superpower, what would it be?

The ability to time travel – backwards.

Q.9 Tell us about the most embarrassing thing that has happened to you on the job.

I walked into the department, said hi to about ten people, put my stuff away, walked into the bathroom and realized I had my scrub top on inside out. It had Charlie Brown on it, so it was pretty obvious.

Q.10 What food do you absolutely hate and will never eat?

Raw Oysters (Smoked oysters rock)

Q.11 What’s the name of one movie that you watch over and over?

Artificial Intelligence, Independence Day, Jurassic Park and Ghostbusters. I couldn’t pick just one.

Q.12 For the most part, nurses and doctors don’t really bitch about each other in the medblogs. Is that because there is not that much to bitch about or are y’all just playing nice on your medblogs?

I think it’s more respect than “playing nice”; things that would have driven me nuts years ago I am able to take in stride now that I’m older. Blogs have helped doctors, nurses, patients, etc. understand each other better, leading to respect for the other’s perspective.

Q.13 What do your co-workers do that really irritate you?

Follow me into the back to try and give me report when I haven’t clocked in and don’t have to clock in for five more minutes.

Q.14 Tell me the craziest thing you have ever seen at one of those wild hospital Christmas parties I’m always hearing about.

Uh… I am always working the night of the Christmas parties. Maybe they are trying to tell me something….

Holiday Quickfire Questions.

Favorite…

a. reindeer – Rudolph!
b. cookie – Butter cookies
c. carol - O Holy Night
d. holiday television show - A Charlie Brown Christmas
e. activity – Opening presents

Thank you for being my eighth day of Christmas, Kim at Emergiblog!

Disappearing John's Seven Swans

On the seventh day of Christmas, your true love gave to you, seven swans a swimmin'. Where are you going to keep them?

Whew, there's no room at the inn at Disappearing John's house right now! Over Thanksgiving my Daughter, her boyfriend and my grandson moved in with us, along with their pets. For those keeping score, that's four adults, two teenagers, a baby, two large dogs, two cats, a bird, a snake and about a dozen fish, all in a tiny 3 bedroom house… I'm afraid the swans are a-headed for the zoo!

Q.1 When did you decide you wanted to be a nurse?

September, 2001. It is a story I have told a few times on the blog, but I watched the planes fly into the towers, and realized life was too short to hate what you do. I actually had gone to school for pre-med right after high school, so I realized something in the medical field interested me. It took a few weeks to figure out it was nursing, but I finally figured out what I wanted to be when I grew up!

Q.2 What's the best part of your job? The worst?

There are so many "best parts" it's hard to pick just one. I love the action, the pace, the adrenalin rush… Most of all, I work in a job where I get instant gratification almost daily. Someone comes in hurting, or in a crisis… I work with a team, do my job, and get to see the results of my work. It is an amazing thing to relieve someone's pain, and experience their relief.

The worst part is the raw emotion. You learn how to deal with your own emotions, but sometimes the raw emotion of others can be tough for me. It has been a rough month for infants for us; I've personally worked with two cases where infants have been found not breathing, and in both cases they did not survive. Seeing the grief of the families, especially with the recent birth of my grandson, made those really tough.

Q.3 Did you have another career before you became a nurse?

Nursing is really my fourth career. I was a airline caterer (remember when airplanes had food on board) right out of high school. I got to drive a cool truck that pulled up to the airplane, the whole back of the truck lifted up to the airplane, and I go to flirt with flight attendants!

I worked as a corporate trainer for a while, and really enjoyed that, but a chance to make more money brought me into retail management, where I stayed for years. I made great money, but really hated the work. Which brings us back to the present career…

Q.4 Is this really a true story?

A nurse caring for a woman from Kentucky asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. The nurse asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."

Nope, for two reasons…

The common sense reason is that hospitals are very cheap! They constantly look for the best deals on products. We have tons of "petroleum-based jelly lubricant", but I have never seen a brand name product for a common item like that.

The other reason is the first time I heard that one, it was a blonde joke, not a hospital joke…

Q.5 A lot of people get to my site after googling things like "hot nurses". Y'all seem to have quite the reputation. Do patients ever hit on you?

Me personally, no. Unless you count little old ladies, and I flirt right back… Keep in mind I am a bald, still a little overweight grandpa (sorry to blow the whole "calendar" image.…) Now, a lot of cute, young girls do get into nursing. I work with several, and they do get hit on a lot. Patients hitting on nurses never works… Doctors, on the other hand, tend to have more luck…

Q.6 When did you first hear the expression "nurses eat their young"?

Nursing school. It has a real name, now. "Lateral violence". It does exist, although it is being addressed slowly…

Q.7 What's the most useless thing you have ever bought?

An "Inside the Egg Scrambler"… Simply worthless…

Q.8 If you could have a superpower, what would it be?

I don't know if it counts, but I think being able to stop or speed up time would be cool. Think like the movie "Click". Drop something, and be able to freeze everything (but me) for a second and catch it… When things are dragging, speed through the boring parts…

Q.9 Tell us about the most embarrassing thing that has happened to you on the job.

I was given a patient who's complaint was "post-op infection". That's all the triage tech told me… I walk into the room to find a young woman who had had some rather, shall we say "ambitious" breast augmentation. I mean, really, really big… As soon as I walked in the room, she opened her gown, to show me the wounds… It's rare when I am speechless… Needless to say, I ducked out of the room, and got a chaperone…

Q.10 What food do you absolutely hate and will never eat?

Brussel Sprouts…Does anyone really eat those things? [Sure they do. I love brussel sprouts ~ MA]

Q.11 What's the name of one movie that you watch over and over?

I'm not a huge movie buff. One of my all-time favorite movies was "Tora, Tora, Tora", but I haven't watched it in ages… I love "Airplane!", too. Recently, I really enjoyed "Dark Knight" and saw it at the movie theater 4 times…

Q.12 For the most part, nurses and doctors don't really bitch about each other in the medblogs. Is that because there is not that much to bitch about or are y'all just playing nice on your medblogs?

In the ED we do really work as a very close team… I have read some blogs that bitch and moan about each other, but that's not my style… I am lucky to work well with a group of good docs, who treat us as the professional nurses we are…

Q.13 What do your co-workers do that really irritate you?

The ones that work harder at avoiding work than they do working drive me nuts… We have one nurse who feels it is below them to take their patients to CT scan… I have seen them walk three laps around the unit to find a tech to push their patient to CT scan… which is 50 feet away… They walked 5 times as far to avoid pushing the gurney..

Q.14 Tell me the craziest thing you have ever seen at one of those wild hospital Christmas parties I'm always hearing about.

I'm afraid I'm kind of boring… There is video around somewhere of me doing the Macarena and the Electric slide from several years ago from another profession. It was one of those parties where the servers kept replacing the drinks before you finished them, so I had no idea how much I drank… Evidently enough to get me doing the Electric Slide…

Holiday Quickfire Questions.

Favorite…

a. reindeer - I can't remember her name… Rudolph's girlfriend growing up in Rudolph the Red-nosed reindeer… Sweet, cute voice, understanding… my dream girl at the time… [I think that would be Clarice ~ MA]

b. cookie – Nestle Toll House Cookies… I love to make them… Has anyone ever gotten the full 5 dozen out of the recipe? I always eat too much raw dough. [Me too! ~MA]

c. carol – Does "Grandma got run over by a reindeer" count?

d. holiday television show - It's not Christmas without "It's a Wonderful Life"

e. activity – Eating – Sad but true, I still have emotional ties to food

Thank you for being my seventh day of Christmas, Disappearing John!

Six Geese for the Tundra PA

On the sixth day of Christmas, your true love gave to you, six geese a layin'!

Q. What are you going to do with all of those eggs?

Make omelets!

Q.1 What made you decide you wanted to be a PA?

I started out in college back in the '70s as a pre-med major, but got seriously distracted and followed other paths in life for about 15 years. In my 30s I decided that I'd missed my true calling and really did want a career in medicine, but knew I'd have a tough time getting accepted to medical school at such an advanced age. Becoming a PA was the perfect solution.

Q.2 What’s the best part of your job? The worst?

The very best part of my job is the patients themselves. I work with the Yup'ik Eskimo people of southwest Alaska, and they are, on the whole, warm, generous, hospitible folks who are appreciative of the care they receive. They tend not to come in for trivial complaints, so by the time they do come in they are sicker than the average lower-48 patient. Which makes the medicine more challenging. I practice at the very edge of my ability, every day. The worst part of my job is the feeling of being overwhelmed. There is just too much work, too many patients, for the medical staff to take care of. In my ten years there, the hospital has never been fully staffed, but has reached critical levels in the past year or so. We desperately need more physicians, physician assistants and nurse practitioners. Anybody out there ready for the challenge of a lifetime? Come on up! Alaska is the place!

Q.3 Did you have another career before you became a PA?

Licensed massage therapist, emergency medical technician, phlebotomist, medical assistant, medical research technician, health educator (I also have an Master's in Public Health from UNC-Chapel Hill), smoking cessation instructor, medical transcriptionist...

Q.4 You could be a PA working in a clinic in Cleveland right now, but it looks like you’ve always chosen the more adventurous PA jobs. Was that your always your plan?

The PA program I attended, Medex NW in Seattle, has a strong commitment to training providers for medically underserved areas, and those are definitely the more adventurous jobs. Some of my clinical rotations were in pretty "out there" locations, and I found that I really liked it. I am just not a city girl; give me wilderness anytime.

Q.5 Have you started working on your novel yet?

Well...sort of. I've spent quite a lot of time and brain power thinking about it, creating characters, considering plot elements, writing different scenes. What I haven't done is pull it all together yet.

Q.6 What made you decide on moving to Alaska? Had you been there before?

I've always had a fascination about Alaska, but never figured I'd end up living here. When I was in PA school in the early 90s, three of my classmates were Alaska Native (one Yup'ik from Bethel, one Inuit from Barrow, one Athabascan from Fairbanks). The program was trying to get a bush medicine rotation set up out of the hospital in Bethel where I now work, and I really wanted to do that, but it did not work out. The hospital has been very resistant to accepting PA students for training, something I am still trying to help bring about. In the summer of 1998, when I'd been a family practice PA for six years, I had the opportunity to go to Bethel for a month-long locum tenens. It was my first trip to Alaska, and within 3 days I was in love with the place, the people, the medical practice. I didn't want to go home. However, it was August. Being a downhill skier, I'd experienced cold weather--but not 40 below zero, which Bethel often gets in January. I wasn't sure I could deal with that. So I came back in January, and it was 40 below. And I did fine. So I signed a contract, moved to Alaska, and have loved it ever since.

Q.7 What’s the most useless thing you have ever bought?

Hmmm. I actually can't think of a useless thing I ever bought.

Q.8 If you could have a superpower, what would it be?

To be able to fly. No question.

Q.9 Tell us about the most embarrassing thing that has happened to you on the job.

Tough one, I haven't had many of those. OK, not on the job exactly, but during my training I did a surgical rotation at a VA hospital. One of the younger patients, a Vietnam-era vet, had a burn in the groin area from falling asleep with a heating pad in that area (no idea why he had a heating pad there, his reason for admission was not pelvic). Now they teach you in medical school that no matter what the patient tells or shows you, you keep a straight face and deal with the issue seriously. The staff PA that I was rounding with got a little gleam in her eye (I should have noticed) when we entered this patient's room. As we exposed the burn for dressing change, the patient and the PA both enjoyed my shocked expression and sudden sharp intake of breath to see the large bar bell shaped piece of jewelry that pierced the head of his penis. Right through, side to side. The HEAD. I was embarrassed to have reacted, but sixteen years later I haven't seen much to top it.

Q.10 What food do you absolutely hate and will never eat?

Coconut. Not in any form, no matter what. Well, OK, maybe if I'd been shipwrecked with Tom Hanks in Castaway, but nothing short of that.

Q.11 What’s the name of one movie that you watch over and over?

The movie I have probably watched more times than any other would be The Sound of Music. But that's because at 13 years old, I was totally in love with Julie Andrews. I must have seen it 20 times, but not in the last 20 years. These days, movies I love to watch again are Monty Python and the Holy Grail, The Shawshank Redemption, The Wizard of Oz, Gone With The Wind (or GWTW to all True Southerners), Shirley Valentine, any old Fred Astaire and Ginger Rodgers movie, lots of others...

Q.12 Do you play any musical instruments?

Piano, guitar, drums (like congas, jimbe) didgireedo. None of them well.

Q.13 What do your co-workers do that really irritate you?

The gossipping slackards really piss me off; fortunately we don't have too many of those, and the ones who slip through don't last long.

Q.14 Tell me the craziest thing you have ever seen at one of those wild hospital Christmas parties I’m always hearing about.

I must have worked at the wrong institutions in my career; I've never been to one of those. 'Course, I'm not in emergency medicine; I hear that's where all the wildness comes out. When GruntDoc and Scalpel and Monkey Girl and Movin' Meat and ER Nursery and Nurse K and Ambulance Driver start swinging from the chandeliers, I want to be there! [Me too! ~ MA]

Holiday Quickfire Questions.

Favorite…

a. reindeer - Dasher; I named one of my sled dogs after him
b. cookie - peanut butter
c. carol - Sleigh Ride
d. holiday television show - Holiday Inn or White Christmas

e. activity - giving someone the perfect gift

Thank you for being my sixth day of Christmas, The Tundra PA at Tundra Medicine Dreams.

My Christmas Lingerie

We’re going to have to wait to see what MonkeyGirl had to do to get those 5 golden rings from her true love. In the meantime, I’m going to tell you all about my Christmas lingerie.

I don’t have a problem picking out half naked men and posting their pictures on my blog, but I’m not very comfortable picking out the pictures for the female participants. Too pretty, not slutty enough, disrespectful, etc. One of the ladies didn’t want anything X rated like GruntDoc’s picture last year. Someone else told me to “slut away”.

While I was looking for pictures for the holiday series, I came across all of these Christmas outfits and underwear. First I thought, that’s kinda tacky, but then some of the outfits started to grow on me. I should have known better than to have my purse near my computer.

So now I come home every night looking for a package from the UPS guy.

Okay, I'm really looking for two packages. Oh, what the hell, he’s been a good boy this year.

If you need help picking out sexy Christmas underwear for yourself, you might want to take this quiz. I'm not going to tell you whether I think it is accurate or not. You'll just have to see for yourself.

Your result for The Sexy Christmas Lingerie Test...

Semi-Modest

You scored 33 Modest and 56 Skimpy!

You like to use lingerie to spice things up but have more modest tastes. More modest lingerie often makes one look more cute, cuddly and adorable. It fits in well for those romantic moments by the fireplace or next to the Christmas tree.

Take The Sexy Christmas Lingerie Test at HelloQuizzy

Code Blog Gets Four Calling Birds

On the fourth day of Christmas, your true love gave to you, four calling birds! What exactly is a calling bird, and who are they calling?

They are auctioneer birds, and they are calling, um, bird auctions.

Q.1 When did you decide you wanted to be a nurse?

In high school. My mother is a nurse and hospitals interested me. I was a volunteer at the hospital when I was young; then I took a CNA class and worked as a nurse's aide at the end of high school and throughout college.

Q.2 What’s the best part of your job? The worst?

The unit I work in is circular. The thing I love to see the most is when patients are well enough to do "laps." Working in an ICU, that's a rare sight. The worst (by far) is when we keep people alive long past the point when any sort of recovery was possible.

Q.3 Did you have another career before you became a nurse?

Besides being a Sandwich Maker at Subway?

Q.4 Is this really a true story? A nurse caring for a woman from Kentucky asked,

"So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. The nurse asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."

I am almost certain this has happened somewhere at some point in time.

Q.5 A lot of people get to my site after googling things like “hot nurses”. Y’all seem to have quite the reputation. Do patients ever hit on you?

Yes. Usually the married 75 year old men.

Q.6 When did you first hear the expression “nurses eat their young”?

In college. It made me scared to be a nurse. But I had hospital experience under my belt and deep down, I knew better. There are some nurses who would rather spit in your general direction than help you, but the vast majority of nurses are great teachers; those that aren't great teachers are happy to help in other ways.

Q.7 What’s the most useless thing you have ever bought?

I bought a car on a Sunday once. I could not reach my car insurance agent and the dealer would not let me drive the car off the lot without insurance. So I had to buy insurance through his broker (who happens to work on the weekends). Then I found out that I was covered regardless... all I had to do was provide my current insurance card and it would have been fine; I could have updated it the next day. Nice that the dealer didn't tell me that... I'm sure he got a kickback from his weekend broker. Of course a large portion of it was unrefundable. Grrrr.

Q.8 If you could have a superpower, what would it be?

My chosen superpower would be the ability to understand and converse in any language without having to learn it.

Q.9 Tell us about the most embarrassing thing that has happened to you on the job.

I don't think this is the most embarrassing thing that's happened, but when I first started at this hospital, I started in inpatient dialysis. Dialysis nurses are quite autonomous and they usually work alone. Since you have to drag a dialysis machine, a reverse osmosis machine, and a supply cart to every new dialysis patient, you get good at hauling them all at once so you don't have to go back and forth to the office. It's tricky but can be done.

On my first day, I was training with a nurse and we had to go dialyze an ICU patient. She proceeded to take all 3 machines/cart with her and absolutely refused my several offers to help. I felt really dumb walking in the halls behind this person that was juggling 3 unwieldy items. Then, when we got to the ICU, one of the nephrologists saw her hauling all 3 things and asked if she could help her... and the nurse said yes!!! I felt stupid.

Q.10 What food do you absolutely hate and will never eat?

I can't say that I hate it, because I haven't tried the majority of it - but I never eat seafood. Never. If it comes out of the water, I do not eat it.

Q.11 What’s the name of one movie that you watch over and over?

I don't watch it over and over, but if I see it on TV, I cannot change the channel until it's over: The Big Lebowski!

Q.12 For the most part, nurses and doctors don’t really bitch about each other in the medblogs. Is that because there is not that much to bitch about or are y’all just playing nice on your medblogs?

I try to remain respectful of my coworkers on my blog. It's public and many people I work with know that I have a blog. I have vented a time or two, though. I don't think the people I vented about ever knew and I was probably ambiguous enough that my coworkers were not aware of who I was writing about.

Q.13 What do your co-workers do that really irritate you?

I don't like it when I'm in charge and I have to float someone, or deny someone their request to go home and they sulk about it.I used to sulk about it until I was the one doling out the bad news. Now I just deal with it. It isn't the charge's fault... it's just how it goes.

Q.14 Tell me the craziest thing you have ever seen at one of those wild hospital Christmas parties I’m always hearing about.

Sorry to disappoint but I have never been to one :-)

Holiday Quickfire Questions.

Favorite…

a. reindeer - toss up between Blitzen and Comet

b. cookie - those peanut butter cookies with the hershey kiss in the middle

c. carol - O Holy Night

d. holiday television show - A Charlie Brown Christmas... I love when the characters dance :)

e. activity - We do this thing on Christmas Eve where we get a goofy present and play the game where you pick a number and choose a gift accordingly - then the people that open gifts after you can either chose their own or steal yours away. I love that game. It's always so interesting to see what the "hot" gift is. One year it was a Maglite flashlight set - who knew everyone wanted one of those??

Thank you for being my fourth day of Christmas, Geena at CodeBlog.

Three French Hens for Medic 61

Q. On the third day of Christmas, your true love gave to you, three French hens! So, what are you going to name them?

Herman, Herbert, and Hewie.

Q.1 First, I love your blog and the whole idea of what you are doing and your writing fascinates me. You’re a student and an EMT? Tell me how that works. And what are you going to be when you graduate? Is an EMT the same thing as a paramedic? Help me, I’m confused.

Well thank you! Yes, I'm a full-time college student who works in an ER part-time and volunteers as an EMT part-time. Basically I go to class, do my homework, go to work, and on Wednesdays I volunteer 18 hours of my time to the rescue squad. I want to end up being a career firefighter/paramedic in Northern Virginia. Paramedic is a level of the EMT certification, the highest, which is actually EMT-P. I'm an EMT-Basic, the beginning level.

Q.2 What’s the best part of your job? The worst?

The best is the camaraderie I find with my partners, I think. That, and the ability to make a veritable difference in people's lives. The worst is probably transporting "frequent fliers," those who continually abuse the emergency system.

Q.3 When did you decide you wanted a career in medicine?

From the time I could walk, really. Dad had me in little "nurse-in-training" scrubs and would take me on Saturday morning rounds with him. The patients thought I was just *adorable*, haha! I thought, however, that I didn't like the pink scrubs and wanted them to say "doctor-in-training." But honestly, I strayed from wanting a career in medicine for about a year before realizing it was simply meant to be.

Q.4 Tell us about your training.

Well, I have CPR/AED/First-Aid certification, EVOC, which is the certification needed to drive an emergency vehicle, EMT-Basic, and ITLS (International Trauma Life Support). ITLS furthers my EMT certification a bit. It took me about 4 months for EMT, two days for ITLS, one for CPR, and two for EVOC. Not too bad :)

Q.5 Why don’t people get out of the way of ambulances? Are they just stupid?

A lot of the time, they don't hear us coming until we're right up on them. And then, people are animals. At our very core, we're just frightened little bunnies following our instincts, trying to survive. So when we startle people, they freak out. Some people have calm instincts, and move to the side of the road in an orderly fashion. Some people jerk the wheel and fly out of the way. Some clam up and break hard, and we almost hit them. Some just keep driving because they think they can outrun us. People are just...instinctual.

Q.6 How many classes have you skipped this semester?

Can I plead the fifth?

Q.7 What’s the most useless thing you have ever bought?

When I was 15, I bought this pore-sucker thing. It was supposed to apply gentle suction and unclog your pores, basically. All it did was leave me with little hickey-like rings on my face.

Q.8 If you could have a superpower, what would it be?

Teleportation, definitely. Imagine being able to go ANYWHERE in just a second. You could be friends with people all over the globe, you'd never need a car (how green!), I could go to museums and plays and famous landmarks anywhere...for free. It'd be so amazing.

Q.9 Tell us about the most embarrassing thing that has happened to you on the job.

A woman who thought her urine was radioactive kept asking me if I was pregnant because she didn't want to harm my unborn fetus. I kept assuring her I wasn't. Under his breath, Eric sighs "I think you have to be having sex to get pregnant." I considered a quick elbow to the stomach, but reconsidered.

Q.10 What food do you absolutely hate and will never eat?

Brussel Sprouts, oh god.

Q.11 What’s the name of one movie that you watch over and over?

Super Troopers

Q.12 Did you go shopping on Black Friday?

Actually yes! I got up really early with my roommate and her dad, walked to the mall, and found out they didn't open until 8. So I went back to bed, got up at noon, and went back. I did some good shopping :) It was my first year, too!

Q.13 What do your co-workers do that really irritate you?

Hmm. Drew irritates me when he second-guesses himself. Eric irritates me when he gets on his little "I'm better than you because I'm an EMT-Intermediate" kick.

Q.14 Tell me the craziest thing you have ever seen at one of those wild hospital Christmas parties I’m always hearing about.

Well, this is my first year working at a hospital, and I'm missing the party! I'm so mad. But! I did see some pretty interesting dancing at the yearly rescue squad banquet, haha. And there's a pretty good picture of me dancing with my *ahem* much-older-than-me professor/partner.

Q.15 Do you play a musical instrument?

Yes! I play the clarinet, bass clarinet, and contra-bass clarinet. The contra is a six-foot tall clarinet you have to sit on a stool to play. It's fabulous; I can shake the rafters!

Holiday Quickfire Questions

Favorite…

a. reindeer - Vixen. She sounds saucy.

b. cookie - These spice cookies my aunt always makes.

c. carol - O Holy Night.

d. holiday television show - I guess it would have to be How The Grinch Stole Christmas.

e. activity - Singing Christmasy songs at the Christmas Eve service. Either that or re-figuring out how to play dreidel every year with my family. My dad and his side of the family are Jewish, so we celebrate both holidays. I always fail miserably at actually spinning the dreidel, though.

Thank you for being my third day of Christmas, Sam a/k/a Medic61 a/k/a SamtheEMT at On the Clock.

MakeMineTrauma Gets Two Turtle Doves

On the second day of Christmas, your true love gave to you, two turtle doves!

Yum, how are you going to cook them?

Well, if he was truly my true love, he would give them to me already cooked cause he would know that I suck at cooking things. Otherwise, if they were alive, I would have to keep them until they died of natural causes or old age.

Q.1 In ten words or less, tell us exactly what a Surgical Technologist-Certified is.

Someone certified in the technology of surgery.

Q.2 What's the best part of your job? The worst?

Seeing all of the hot male surgeons in scrubs and trying to guess which ones are going "commando". The worst part...changing clothes, getting into and out of scrubs up to four times a day (you are supposed to change into hospital specific scrubs) and not having any fun while your clothes are off.

Q.3 Did you have another career before you became involved in medicine?

Autos - from armored trucks to taxis, driving them, fixing them, selling their parts, and cattle-herding them, branding them, castrating them, eating their parts.

Q.4 Explain in detail that fancy way you have of washing your hands before entering the OR.

Oh my. First scrub of the day involves a pre-wash cycle and rinse. Next, cleaning under the fingernails with a plastic whatever that thing is called, then, with the scrub sponge, scrubbing yourcuticles (feels so good!), each finger gets it next on all four sides, include the web spaces in between, the front and back of each hand, then up the arm, I do three sections, from the wrist to half-way up to the elbow, then from that point to the crook of my elbow, and the final spot is the from the elbow to two inches above. Then you rinse each arm individually with the water always flowing away from your hand and towards the elbow. Or in my case, away from my hands and all over my front. The rest you've seen on T.V. Except we always tie our own masks, you don't scrub with your mask hanging around your neck then walk into the OR and have the nurse tie it for you.

Q.5 What is the most bizarre case you have ever worked on? And when I say bizarre, I'm really talking gerbils, etc.

Teratomas are really cool. I can imagine them coming out kicking and screaming. With bone and hair, all balled up, they kinda remind me gerbils, or maybe I'm thinking of tribbles. I've only seen alittle one in person, but it was pretty freaky. By the way, did you know that prisoners have a secret place to carry their shiv?

Q.6 Be honest, who exactly sees you nekkid in the OR?

Unfortunately, nobody. Oh wait, did you mean as a patient?

Q.7 What's the most useless thing you have ever bought?

One of those ab stimulator, imitation tens machine thingys. Yeah, I fell for it too.

Q.8 If you could have a superpower, what would it be?

It would have to be to be able to fly, which is interesting considering that you can't get me on an airplane. I know, you were expecting something selfless.

Q.9 Tell us about the most embarrassing thing that has happened to you on the job.

It's so embarrassing that I can't tell you. But then again, if you really want to print it........the most embarrassing thing was being scrubbed in for an exceptionally long case and having my "feminine products" exceed capacity.

Q.10 What food do you absolutely hate and will never eat?

Liver, liver, liver, and I've seen some pretty tasty livers.

Q.11 What's the name of one movie that you watch over and over?

My attention barely holds for one viewing. Here are some that I would consider watching again....Finding Nemo, The Cowboys, Napoleon Dynamite, Dances with Wolves

Q.12 For the most part, nurses and doctors don't really bitch about each other in the medblogs. Is that because there is not that much to bitch about or do you think they are just playing nice on their medblogs?

Well, I can't really speak for the medblogs but in the OR even if you despise one of the OR team, during the surgery everybody maintains professional conduct because in there, it is about the patient. I think professionalism tends to carry over to the outside world also.

Q.13 What do your co-workers do that really irritate you?

Eat the last doughnut or piece of raisin bread. Actually my biggest pet peeve is sloppy sterile technique.

Q.14 Tell me the craziest thing you have ever seen at one of those wild hospital Christmas parties I'm always hearing about.

I always seem to miss the scandals but I can tell you that while the bathrooms may appear as gender specific early on, by the end of the night you never know what you may find in the bathroom stall.

Q.15 Do you play a musical instrument?

My cat does a pretty good yodel if I simultaneously squeeze and bounce him just right.

Holiday Quickfire Questions

Favorite…

a. reindeer - The Grinch's dog in antlers. (the original animated version).

b. cookie - Snickerdoodle, or any cookie with those little silver candy balls or red hots on them.

c. carol - Burnett [ohh, that’s bad ~ MA]

d. holiday television show - The Ref

e. activity – eating [I have to agree ~ MA]

Thank you for being my second day of Christmas, Trauma Junkie a/k/a Make Mine Trauma @IntraopOrate.

A Partridge for Nurse Ratched

On the first day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
A partridge in a pear tree.


On the first day of Christmas, your true love sent to you, a partridge in a pear tree! We want to know what your partridge looks like.

My partridge looks like David Cassidy. No, just kidding! I couldn't resist. According to Wikipedia, there are two types of partridge commonly found in North American as game birds. One is colorful and the other one is gray. The partridge in my pair tree would have bright feathers and would be a talker just like me. It would never shut up.

Q.1 When did you decide you wanted to be a nurse?

I guess I was around 4 years old. I come from a family of nurses. Imagine a room full of woman talking about the nursing profession. That was my life, and why I became a nurse.

Q.2 What’s the best part of your job? The worst?

Best part of the job: I get to see the best of humanity. Worst part about the job: I also get to see the worst of humanity.

Q.3 Did you have another career before you became a nurse?

No. I've been a nurse for 30 plus years.

Q.4 Is this really a true story?

A nurse caring for a woman from Kentucky asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. The nurse asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."

I'm sure it's true. You wouldn't believe what happens behind hospital walls

Q.5 A lot of people get to my site after googling things like “hot nurses”. Y’all seem to have quite the reputation. Do patients ever hit on you?

Not now. I'm old and wrinkled, but guys use to hit on me all of the time when I was in my prime. It was funny. All I had to do was put on my nursing uniform and go shopping. I'd always come home with some guy's phone number in my pocket

Q.6 When did you first hear the expression “nurses eat their young”?

I first heard that expression when I was in nursing school. It's sad but true, some old nurses get off on beating up on young nurses. It's like a power trip. It's sick, and I confront people on their behavior when I see it going on.

Q.7 What’s the most useless thing you have ever bought?

A stove. I don't cook.

Q.8 If you could have a superpower, what would it be?

The power to read minds. I'm around some people that I just don't understand.

Q.9 Tell us about the most embarrassing thing that has happened to you on the job.

I can't remember. I've obviously repressed that memory.

Q.10 What food do you absolutely hate and will never eat?

Hundred Year Egg.

Q.11 What’s the name of one movie that you watch over and over?

The Devil Wears Prada

Q.12 For the most part, nurses and doctors don’t really bitch about each other in the medblogs. Is that because there is not that much to bitch about or are y’all just playing nice on your medblogs?

I think it's because we are all on the same page when it comes to wanting what is best for our patients. We can't deliver the best care because our health care system is broken.

Q.13 What do your co-workers do that really irritate you?

They don't advocate for themselves or for your patients.

Q.14 Tell me the craziest thing you have ever seen at one of those wild hospital Christmas parties I’m always hearing about.

I never go to Christmas parties. EVER!

Q. 15 Do you play a musical instrument?

Cello

Holiday Quickfire Questions.

Favorite…

a. reindeer: Dancer
b. cookie: Raisin
c. carol: Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer
d. holiday television show: Charlie Brown Christmas
e. activity: Sleeping through Christmas


Thank you for being my first day of Christmas! Mother Jones, RN

photo: That's Shirley Jones. Get it? Partridge. Mother Jones...

Sarah Palin Shoots Rudolph

This is so not funny, but that didn't stop me from watching it and laughing. Not for the kids. Or for the sensitive. Or for those easily offended or disgusted. But if you are hungover and have to go shopping and fight the crowds at the mall on a Saturday, then you might like it.

Story of the Calendar Docs

First, a programming note. The Twelve Days of Christmas series of interviews won’t start until December 14th.

In the meantime, here is the story of how the Calendar Doc series began back in June 2007.

Long ago and far away, there was a medblogger named TrenchDoc. TrenchDoc was an ER doc. Supposedly, the ED where TrenchDoc worked had a calendar made up of pictures of half-nekkid manly residents posed in compromising positions and/or funny outfits. Every once in a while, to the delight of his female readers, TrenchDoc would post one of these calendar pictures on his medblog.

Unfortunately, TrenchDoc, without any warning, had to shut down his medblog. Something about the CIA, an angry jealous husband, and/or a salad bar incident involving SeaSpray. You get the picture.

Seeing a legit opportunity to post pictures of half-nekkid men on my blog, I immediately stole the calendar idea from TrenchDoc before his blog was even cold. In all fairness, though, I did make TrenchDoc my first Calendar Doc. I added dinosaurs and women to the mix (although I’m still not sure what kind of pictures to post for them), and this month, the series will feature non-MD healthcare professionals. [if that’s not a correct way to say that, let me know.]

At one point, there was a little controversy surrounding the Calendar Doc series. It seems some people thought I was featuring too many ER docs. Now, seriously, can one ever have too many ER docs? Here's some Calendar Doc trivia. Scalpel's Calendar Doc picture gets the most hits from random strangers searching for pics of hot half-nekkid men. Only one doctor has failed to respond to my invitation to be a Calendar Doc. I like to think my e-mail got lost in his inbox.

The calendar series has been a lot of fun for me. I want to thank the past Calendar Docs, the special December calendar folks, and all of you readers who have encouraged me with your e-mails, comments, and visits. I also want to say a special thank you to KevinMD and GruntDoc for linking the calendar posts.

Y’all are going to enjoy the holiday series. The answers are great and very entertaining.