Vacation Note #2

Vacation Note #1

I’m trying out that new Blogger schedule your post in the future thing. So, if you’re reading this, it must work.

Grand Rounds News

Read all about it here.

A Going On Vacation Quiz

Your Nail Polish Color is Red

How you're unique: You have an incredible eye for style and art Why your style rocks: You are classic and classy - and that's hot! What this color says about you: "I'm smart, sassy, and sexy. And I know it."

What Color Nail Polish Best Fits You?

I thought this quiz was appropriate because I am getting ready to go on vacation and a mani/pedi was at the top of my to-do list. They got the color right, at least for my toes, but I'm not sure about the other stuff.

"incredible eye for style and art" Nope. I wouldn't know good art or style if it jumped up and bit me on the butt.

"Classic, classy, and hot" Classic--if that means boring, then they probably got that one right. Classy--I just used the expression "jumped up and bit me on the butt" so that ought to rule out classy. Hot? We have 10 months of summer where I live. I'm always hot.

"Smart, sassy, and sexy" Well, I'm one of those, I'm just not gonna say which one.

This reminds me of another favorite video.

Later gators.

The DOJ and Doctor Depositions

Ok, I don't know what you doctors are up to, but someone at the DOJ is busy googling in preparation for the big depositions. I'm just wondering if they are going to follow the example set in the deposition they found on my blog:



Yes, I know this is the third time I've posted this video, but dammit, it's funny.

Cat

I am sitting here crying over the death of a cat I knew for only five days. It’s weird, I recently suffered a loss in my personal life and couldn’t cry over that, but I can cry over this cat.

Five days ago, a stray black and white cat walked into my life. He was just fur and bones, but I knew I could fatten him up. He was so lovable and I couldn't wait to start spoiling him.

We took him to the vet where everyone oooh’ed and ahhh’d over him and called him a handsome cat. I knew they were just being nice but it made me feel good anyway.

The vet said he was an old cat and had some health problems. The plan was to get him strong again, then just pamper him for the final years of his life.

He did okay the first few days, but it was clear he was suffering last night. Early this morning, we took him to the emergency clinic.

The vet was very nice and said all of the right things to make us feel good about our decision to end the handsome old cat’s suffering.

But it still hurts.

Accents

When I was taking this quiz, I thought there was no way this was going to be accurate. I just knew I was gonna sound like a Yankee (not that there's anything wrong with that, I guess).

What American accent do you have? Your Result: The South   That's a Southern accent you've got there. You may love it, you may hate it, you may swear you don't have it, but whatever the case, we can hear it.
The Midland
The Inland North
The West
The Northeast
Philadelphia
Boston
North Central
What American accent do you have? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Green Eggs and Ham - Legal Version

I ran across this and thought y'all might like seeing the lighter side of the law.

A prisoner was dissatisfied with the meals he was receiving in prison, so he did what any other red-blooded American does when he/she is wronged – he filed a lawsuit. Among other things, he requested that he not be served any more eggs:

Notice that he wants donuts and danish instead of eggs. In other pleadings, he stated eggs were bad for his health. In support of his motion, the prisoner submitted a hard-boiled egg to the Court. The judge wasn't too keen on having an egg kept as part of the official court records and wrote the following opinion:

Click on the pic to make it bigger so you can read it (I know, I suck at pictures).

I hate posting anything remotely legal because I feel like I have to provide some background, then it turns into this whole long post, then I get bored with it and figure you will too, so I just end up tossing everything into the computer equivalent of file 13. There's a whole lot more to this case, but this is all you are getting from me. If you want more facts, go here. The whole case is online. It's free and gets pretty entertaining at times. Warning, you may want to skip some items if you are offended by the use of the f-word in legal documents.

Strapless Panties?

Shibue Couture

I’m a bra and panty girl. I have drawers of them. All kinds and colors. So my eyes perked up when I saw Lynn Price’s latest post on Bloglines**. It was about a strapless panty! My reaction was the same as Lynn’s – “Double WTF?”

Granted, it’s a good idea. Who wants panty lines? But I’m not sure I trust the adhesive. I’m the kind of girl, where, if something can go wrong, it’s gonna go wrong on me. I know that, somehow, someway, if I wore strapless panties, they would end up on the floor in a room full of people. It doesn’t matter how many reasons why they are supposed to stay in place. If there’s even the tiniest possibility of something coming undone, loose, unraveled, disengaged, separated, detached, etc., then it will happen while I’m wearing it.

Here’s one of my better moments. On the first day of one of my many legal odd jobs during law school, I had to deliver documents to the chambers of a federal judge. I was told to haul ass because the documents had to be in the judge’s hands before he left for the day. I practically ran five blocks to the courthouse. On the walk/run over, a piece of lace from my half-slip got caught on my boots and, as I walked, I could feel the lace being torn from my slip and getting tangled up in my boots. I was afraid to take the time to stop and fix it.

By the time I walked into the office of the judge’s (male) secretary, one end of the lace was attached to my slip and the rest of the lace was wrapped around my boots. I handed over the documents. I knew I wasn’t going to be able to walk out of the office without the secretary noticing the lace and the fact that I was walking funny, so I thought, to hell with it. I reached down, ripped the lace off my slip, untangled it from my boots, put it in my briefcase and walked out without saying a word. He STILL laughs at me whenever he sees me

**I'm not sure this link will work. For some reason, Lynn has blacklisted me from her blog and everytime I go to her site, I get the same "Stack overflow at line: 54" error message. But I showed her, I just read her posts on Bloglines.

It’s like YouTube for Surgeons!

Or maybe YouTube for people who like to watch surgery. I received an e-mail today from the director of SurgyTec.com. He thought I might like to watch surgery videos. (Okay, it was a spamish type e-mail, but it had a personal feel to it... and I'm sure if he knew I was a woman, he wouldn't have called me Sir.) His description of the site:

It’s a video-sharing site for surgeons and medical professionals to show off their newly minted skills. It makes it easy for medical professionals to upload videos or slideshows and share those with the community. We can search for videos by specialty, organ/region, tissue, etiology, operation type, or technique. Many surgeons perform original and high-quality techniques in their operating room and equally many surgeons would like to learn from these new and inspiring techniques. Up till now it was very difficult, time consuming and expensive to take a look in each others operating room and share practical knowledge, tips and tricks.

I dunno, it might be a little advanced for me, but it might be interesting to someone who knows about these things, or just likes to watch people get cut up.

I have to confess, I really, really, really want to stitch someone up. When I first started reading the medblogs, I looked into ordering the instruments I would need to teach myself how to suture. I had big dreams of playing doctor with a pig’s foot.

P.S. Speaking of my medblog addiction beginnings, any mention of surgery always brings me back to my favorite post: Dr. Schwab's Taking Trust. He captured my heart with this post and my blog has been the unofficial Dr. Schwab fan club site ever since. Of course, I've had to tone down the Dr. Schwab ass-kissing after receiving endless teasing about it, but we all know nothing's changed.

Miscellaneous

I got nothin' to write about, and I'm procrastinating -- I have to sum up the courage to e-mail the next calendar doc to see if he/she will be Dr. June -- so you know what that means. More timekillers!

Better Late Than Never

I just found this "receipt generator". This would have been nice for my Vacationing in the ER post. Oh, what the hell, I'm gonna add it to the post anyway. Who's gonna notice?


My friends and family make fun of me because I am always watching old black and white shows on television. When I was growing up, my mother introduced me to Lucy, Ethel, Beaver and Wally, Donna Reed, Andy, Opie and Aunt Bee, Rob and Laura. She loved those old shows and I fell in love with all of them, too. We would sit on the couch together and watch old tv shows, just the two of us. My mom is one of those people who rarely sits down and watches television (especially true in the old days, when she was raising us kids), so it was a real treat to have her all to myself and watch tv with her. Anyway, that's what I thought of tonight when I stumbled onto this game: NameThatThemeSong. I couldn't get the picture to come out right, but note who the high scorer is. Of course, this is what happens when you play the game at midnight, eastern time, when the scoring starts over. I was the only one/first one playing. Heh. It was fun while it lasted.

Residents Preparing for July 1

Looks like someone's doing a little research before starting their new job. This is way out of my jurisdiction, but I would suggest scrubs. Scrubs in the morning. Scrubs in the afternoon. Scrubs at night. Geez-o-peetie. You can wear pajamas to work, why would you wear anything else!

Aww, I'm just kidding. Don't listen to me. Keep researching.

Letter to 911DOC

Dear 911DOC:

As you know, I am your most ardent fan. (I was going to say biggest fan, but I am afraid S.Cat and/or Etotheipi will call me fat.) And don’t tell Dr. X this, but you are my favorite MDOD doc. Right now, I’m sensing you are a little dissatisfied with your current job situation. Okay, a lot dissatisfied. I can tell this because all of your posts are spattered with the words “douchebags” “fucksticks” and “pussies.” Not that there's anything wrong with that. I hate to see you so frustrated, therefore, I have tried to come up with some career alternatives for you.

You’ve mentioned several times on your blog that you want to open a hot dog cart. Well, "wienie man" sounds good and I'm sure it's a nice career, but I just don’t see you making a lot of money at it. I mean, you’re a doctor, you’re going to need something that will allow you to stay current on the payments on your mansion, country home, his and hers Mercedes, yacht, RV, airplane, helicopter, race horses, and whatever else you rich doctors own. (I read the comments on KevinMD; I know you doctors possess all of these things.) After giving it some thought, I came up with a couple of alternatives that you might want to consider:

T-Shirt Guy

If you insist on having the hot dog stand, you should consider selling something else in addition to the dogs. Maybe T-shirts:

ER Valet Parking Mogul

I really got this idea from a comment THW left on my blog. He thinks ER’s need valet parking. I think that is a great idea. You can open up valet parking stands at ER’s all over the country. Maybe franchise it. Of course, I was planning on doing that, but since it’s you, I’ll let you have the idea (for a small percentage of the profits, of course).

Somehow, I don’t really see you trading in your scrubs for a valet parking uniform. Although, hiring hot guys in scrubs as valet parking attendants might not be such a bad idea. (I could take care of the interviews for you, you know, just to help you out.)

“Throw Down” Finger Man

Here’s another alternative. We get your buddy, Etotheipi, to supply us with fingers, toes, etc., whatever he has a surplus of that day. Then you travel all around the country, eating at fine restaurants and “finding” fingers, etc. in your food. I’ll swoop in and represent you, threatening to call Eyewitness News if they don’t hand over a big chunk of change to keep your mouth shut about their finger-licious food. Of course there will be a confidentiality agreement so we won't have to worry about word getting out about the "finger man". There is another benefit to this -- you will probably get to continue to practice emergency medicine. Something tells me things can get ugly quick after seeing someone pull a severed finger out of a bowl of soup.

If Etotheipi wimps out on the body parts, or gets too greedy, we’ll switch to “throw down” roaches. Probably not as profitable, but that just means you’ll have to work a few extra months. I’ll start researching now to figure out how many fingers and/or roaches we will need before we can both retire.

Let me know what you think.

Very truly yours,

Medblog Addict



I changed my font at pyzam.com

Custom TShirt Generator

Vacationing in the ER

Occasionally, I will get e-mails from y’all, sending me lawyer jokes or telling me about something that happened at work that y’all think I might enjoy, but are hesitant to write about on your blogs. I received one such e-mail yesterday morning from an ER doc who shall remain nameless. He wrote to let me know that one of the ER nurses had walked in on a patient receiving a bj from his girlfriend (I’m not posting that part of the e-mail because of the umm, medical language he used.)

Having been jaded by reading so many ER medblogs, I just assumed they had been waiting for hours to be seen by a doctor, got bored, and found something to do to pass the time.

Here is the thread lifted straight from the e-mail (names changed, of course):

On 5/28/08, @MBA@yahoo.com> wrote:
were they bored from having to wait so long?

On 5/28/08, @ERDOC@gmail.com> wrote:
well, there's a tv in the room, so they shouldn't be bored...

On 5/28/08, @MBA@yahoo.com> wrote:
what? theres a tv in the room? i got no sympathy for you er docs anymore and don't want to hear anymore whining about patients who come in with non-emergencies. yall give them a private room with a/c, tv, drugs, food, drink. heck, they can call an ambulance to bring them there so they dont' even have to walk, they can save all their energy for the sex when they get there. all for free. who woudn't want to visit the er?

On Wed, May 28, 2008 at 9:22 AM,@MBA@yahoo.com> wrote:
and i bet y'all have cable and free internet access too. its better than the NoTell Motel.

On Wed, May 28, 2008 at 9:42 AM ERDOC@gmail.com> wrote:
70 channels and high speed wi-fi in fact... I don't mind the bullshit stuff, I just want to be paid well.

On 5/28/08, ERDOC@gmail.com> wrote:
oh, and don't forget snack lunches and free cab rides home with a pocket full of freebie narcotics.

This got me to thinking. First, this e-mail is probably a hoax, because what self-respecting ER doc wouldn’t want to post something about bj’s on their blog. But then I read the part where he whined said he just wanted to be paid well and realized it probably was an ER doc.

Second, why should I spend good money on some fancy spa resort when I can get the same service just by visiting my local ER? There is free door-to-door transportation. All I have to do is dial three numbers and someone will rush to my house to pick me up. I don't even have to get out of bed. After being fussed over for a while, I will be whisked away to my 5 star luxury destination. And talk about VIP treatment--no waiting at red lights or getting stuck in traffic--people will pull over to let us by.

After arriving at the ER Resort, I will be greeted by concerned men and women who will give me their undivided attention. I will lounge around in air conditioned comfort, napping and being waited on hand and foot. I'm thirsty. I'm hungry. I'm cold, can I have a warm blanket? I LOVE those warm blankets. I usually order a margarita when I want to relax, but I guess I could try their feel-good drugs.

There will be people-watching, cable television, high speed internet access, on-site medical staff if I should get sick. Taxi service back home. All free of charge. I don't even have to TIP!!

Tracking Someone Down

I just discovered this today. You can track someone's whereabouts using their cell phone number. Check it out. The country code is "USA".

New Timekillers

I was going to post my results from the "Could You Pass 8th Grade Science?" quiz, but I quit after the 10th question. I don't like science. So the answer is NO.

I did okay on the spelling test, but am too lazy to go back and find out what word I misspelled. (I had to look up how to spell misspelled just now.)

I Scored a 93%!

There are more quizzes here:
OnePlusYou Quizzes and Widgets

Thanks Scalpel for the link to the new blog toys!

Going Legal for a Minute

I don’t like to go legal very often on my blog, but I saw this and thought it was kinda funny. Keep in mind that commercial litigation isn’t exactly a hotbed of comedy so I take my laughs wherever I can find them.

In this case, a lawyer representing himself in his own bankruptcy case got caught allegedly trying to play fast and loose with the Court. The judge ordered Lawyer to do something. Lawyer didn’t comply with the Judge’s order. The judge then ordered Lawyer to appear and show cause why he shouldn’t be sanctioned and held in contempt. The lawyer failed to appear again. The judge got on the phone with the U.S. Marshalls, and told them to haul this lawyer’s ass into court. (I’ve seen this judge do this before). Below is part of the Order entered in the case after the Lawyer finally appeared before the judge:

I didn’t post this part, but the Judge also ordered the lawyer to “write a letter of apology to the United States Marshall’s office for not turning himself in immediately when they called him, apologizing for making the Marshall’s office spend substantial time and using numerous personnel in attempting to locate him, and acknowledging a substantial amount of taxpayer dollars have been expended attempting to locate him” (personally, I think I’d rather see my tax dollars and the U.S. Marshalls’ time being put to better use, but that’s another story).

Even though this is a public document, HIPPO requires that I redact anything that would identify the parties or disclose my location. But this is a real live legal document. You can trust me, I’m a lawyer.

Update: I forgot to add that Lawyer showed up at the next hearing with a document containing only 700 handwritten sentences. The Judge made him return to Court and produce the remaining 50 handwritten sentences.

That’s Dr. MSG to You

Congratulations MSG!!!

I have been following MSG through the last two years of his med school career. He says he’ll keep on blogging, and I hope that’s true, but I'm not going to get my hopes up. I’ve been reading medblogs long enough to know that MSG might be boarding a bullet train to Sucksville in July.

Good luck and all the best, MSG.

Now I am off to find me a new medstudent to lurk around and ask the occasional stupid question.

Where’s the Beefcake?

I had a little dilemma when I was preparing the Dr. April post. I wasn't sure what kind of photo to use. The past calendar docs have been men and a dinosaur. I have no problem posting half nekkid men as my calendar docs (but I admit I have a problem posting 7/8 nekkid men). There was no way I was going to post a picture of a half nekkid woman and call her Dr. TBTAM.

First, I thought I would go with a 1950’s pin-up girl:

or maybe a racy cartoon character.
Then I thought, maybe it would be safer just to post a food related photo.

I ain’t afraid to say it – there are some days of the month when I would choose a chocolate cupcake over a half-nekkid man. But somehow, one cupcake didn’t seem to fit the spirit of the calendar doc post. So I thought about going for two cupcakes.

That was too subtle. Since it was food, I decided I could be a little more racy.

Maybe a little too racy. But I saved Willie just in case Dr. Keagirl agrees to be a calendar doc. 

Dr. TBTAM describes her blog as “sort of culinary gynecology,” so I considered a culinary gyno photo (and yes, I know my photoshop skills suck, thank you very much).

This photo covered everything—gardening, cooking and gyno. Just wasn't right though.


Bonus points for anyone that can guess the gynecological tie-in here.



A bit of calendar doc trivia -- the calendar doc that gets the most Google hits is Scalpel (my first photoshop pic).

Marilyn Monroe photo credit:
http://freespace.virgin.net/b.mercer/Pinup1Nav.html

That Six Word Memoir Meme

I was tagged by Seaspray a while back with that 6 word memoir meme. Then I just got tagged by MMT at IntraopOrate.

Like everything else that I don't quite "get", I wiki'ed memoir and found Gore Vidal's definition: "A memoir is how one remembers one's own life, while an autobiography is history, requiring research, dates, facts double-checked." (I'll have to wiki Gore Vidal later.)

How I remember my life really depends on my mood and how my day is going. Since I got tagged twice, I'll do one for a good day, and one for a not so good day.

(1) All work. No play. I’m tired.

(2) How did I get so blessed?

I think I like the 6 word story meme better. Except for that embarrassing part where I got carried away and couldn’t stop leaving 6 word comments in my comment section.

I think everyone with a blog has been tagged with this one, so I’m not going to tag anyone. But I’d love it if someone left me a 6 word comment (because then I would have an excuse to leave a 6 word response. I lied earlier. It wasn't embarrassing. I had fun making up 6 word comments).

Mom

I wanted to write something about my mom for Mother’s Day but knew I could never get the words to come out right. So I’ll just say this. When we go to my parents’ house to celebrate Mother’s Day today, I know that, in addition to the cards from me and my brothers, there will be a stack of Mother's Day cards from other “kids” -- my friends, my brothers’ friends, old neighborhood kids, new neighborhood kids, cousins, nieces, nephews, etc. All will be wishing my mother a happy Mother’s Day and letting her know they are thinking about her. My mother has that effect on people. She is one of those people who give, just because they want to, never expecting to get anything in return. I am going to try to be more like my mother.

Happy Mother’s Day.

Photo Credit: Another great photo from Carver. Thank you Carver.

Dr. April is . . . TBTAM

I know, I start every calendar doc post off with, "this is one of my favorite medblogs". But it's always true. I love Dr. TBTAM and her blog. Not only that, I would love to be TBTAM (except for that part about looking at vaginas all day). She’s a successful wife, mother, doctor. She's talented -- she writes and sings her own songs. She is an accomplished cook. She travels around the world. Heck, she even makes New York sound like a nice place to live.

Here's my interview with Dr. TBTAM.

Q.1 Ok, first of all, from what I can tell, you are a gynecologist, but you used to also practice obstetrics. Why did you drop the obstetrics?

It wasn’t really planned. I was doing the usual every second to third night call with a busy academic practice and trying to also have an academic career. I realized that I was never going to get any research done unless I gave up something. When I got offered a job here in New York to help run the outpatient clinic at my current institution, I jumped at the chance to give up the OB and the night call. Academically, it was the right decision at the time, and I got a few good projects done over the next few years that I am really proud of. Of course, now that I have two kids, my academic career is stalled, although I still write a review article or book chapter a year, and give lectures and such. Hopefully, when the kids are older, I’ll get back to it more fully.

Q.2 How did you choose ob/gyn?

For the answer to this question, I shall point you to this post I wrote for Blog for Choice Day in 2007. In short, I was rebelling against male authority.

Q.3 What other specialties, if any, did you consider?

I thought I was going into internal medicine. The residents and attendings in this field at my medical school were some of the most brilliant people I’d ever met. I loved hanging around with them. .

That may explain why I wanted to do a maternal-fetal medicine fellowship (like MWAK). It’s a great mix of ob and internal medicine, and the folks in it are really smart. My mentor was an MFM, and I wanted to be just like him. But by the time I finished residency I was getting too old and couldn’t face the idea of any more years in training (I had not started med school till I was 25). So I just headed out. Luckily, my mentor recruited me to an academic job where he was heading, so I still got to hang around the real braniacs, even if I wasn’t one of them.

Q.4 Which did you discover first – medblogs or food blogs?

Food blogs. Once again, I will point you to a post I wrote, this one a tribute to my first food blog, Butter Pig. It pretty much says it all about me, cooking and the food blog world.

Q.5 Can you recall the first medblog you read?

It was Shrinkette. (Who has since given up blogging, though her blog remains on line and is fabulous. Come back, Shrinkette!)

A month into food blogging, I found myself wanting to blog about the rest of my life, but had all sorts of concerns about privacy (both my own and my patients’), as well as a desire not to endanger my employment. I dug around the web for stories and advice, and did a big post on the topic called “The Dangers of Blogging” (which still gets a lot of traffic today). Lisa, one of my commenters (and a great advisor on the subject), pointed me to a post Shrinkette had done related to privacy.

Through Shrinkette, I found Grand Rounds, and the rest, of course, is history.

Q.5 What are you growing this spring in your container garden?

We planted pansies in the window boxes and I’m going to replace most of the herb pots because I think they have ants and I’m tired of fighting them in my kitchen every summer.

But the amazing thing about gardens is that once they are mature, they just show up in the spring so I don’t have to really plant anything upstairs on the roof other than some annuals for color. So we’re at the point where we just maintain what we’ve got. Which, as I’ve written before, is no small task.

This weekend will be our first in the garden this year. We’re planning to put down the compost we got, weed, prune, spray prophylactically, and plant the herbs. The best part will be going to the plant store to buy the herbs.

Q.6 How’s the nose? [Being a lurker (but mostly intimidated by the medical types who had left comments earlier), I didn’t leave a comment, but I thought your 36 hour post-closure scar looked like a heart. If I were going to have a scar, I would want it to look like a heart.]

You’re so sweet to ask. And you’re right – it does look like a heart. It’s doing really well, although my plastic surgeon thinks he wants to re-do the lower part, since the scar is too wide. Now that I’ve been through what I’ve been through, that’ll be nothing.

Q.7 Tell us about some of the more “interesting” tattoos you’ve seen on the job.

Actually, none too exciting. Women seem to avoid tattooing “down there”, and I think the clit ring phase is pretty much over, at least in the crowd I tend to see. Though could someone please explain to me this obsession with waxing? Have we women gone insane? By the way, you don’t have to apologize if you haven’t waxed for me. We’re not dating. Besides, it’s bad enough having to see the gynecologist, let alone enduring having every one of your pubic hairs pulled out in anticipation of the visit. WHY are women doing this?????

I once had a patient who had a clit ring, pierced tongue, lips and eyebrows who was refusing an office cervical biopsy because she was afraid it might hurt. I offered to pierce her cervix when I was done if that would make her feel better about the procedure. She laughed and ultimately agreed to the biopsy.

Q.8 Here are some items I stumbled upon while perusing the blogs of a few residents and medical students.

“Gyn residents are catty, very catty. All the rumors about the Ob/Gyn field being a sorority have so far held true…During none of the seven rotations I have completed this year, have I once encountered a group of residents that gossiped with so much malicious enjoyment.”

“I'm hoping surgery won't be this bad. OB/Gyn just seems to attract a real different breed of cat. And wtf is up with all this gossiping that they do? OMG I've never seen such mind games on any other rotations. From what I understand, at least the surgeons let you KNOW what they think!”

”90% of [OB] residents are catty, crazy, and evil.”

I only know you through your blog, but you seem pretty sane and non-evil. Has ob/gyn gotten a bad rap?

Yes. ObGyn residency is one of, if not THE hardest residency to do. If the girls are bitchy it’s because THEY’RE TIRED. Cut them a break, given them a foot massage and a cup of coffee and you’ll have those cats purring in no time...

Q.8 Is it really true you can’t get pregnant the first time you have sex?

Sure, if you’re a lesbian.

Q.9 Who is going to win this cycle of Top Chef?

I don’t watch it – I think it’s sort of a dumb idea, pitting chefs against each other. What I did love to watch was Molto Mario. I learned so much watching him cook. I also love Alton Brown, Ina Garten and Sarah Moulton, although I don’t really watch the Food Network anymore. It’s been dumbed down.

Q.10 Being the mature person that I am, if I was at the doctor’s office and had to refer to something “down there”, I wouldn’t beat around the bush, I would just call whatever I was talking about by its correct anatomical name. Same with activities that might involve things “down there”. However, I know that some people are immature and use nicknames, euphemisms, etc. Will you share some of the funny names you’ve heard about, well, you know?

“I wouldn’t beat around the bush”? That’s a funny one...

Q.11 If you were asked to be a challenger on Iron Chef, who would you want to compete against? Original and American version, please.

I am a complete rank amateur in the kitchen and would never presume to think I could compete with these guys.

Q.12 What could you not live without?

My laptop. Pitiful, isn’t it?

Q.13 If your life were turned into a movie, which actor would play you?

Bette Midler.

Q.14 What’s the biggest misconception about your job?

That I know what I’m doing. When it comes to the human body, and especially the female reproductive and hormonal system, we docs are still in the dark ages. I always tell my patients we’re like car mechanics, but we didn’t build the car and we have no manual. We are clueless. Trust me on this.

Q.15 What were you like in high school?

Smart, fat, nice, dull. I had a few good friends, but mostly, I hung out with my 8 brothers and sisters, who were a blast. Still are. We’re as funny as Seinfeld. Really. Sometimes we get a group email conversation going (usually about my dad - we are still very immature), and one email is funnier than the next and I have to stop laughing because I am at work and am supposed to be seeing patients.

Q.16 Jamie Deen or Bobby Deen?

Neither. As I’ve told my daughters, never date a man who uses more hair product than you do.

Q.17 Quickfire Questions:

Favorite movie?
When Harry met Sally. It’s New York, it’s real, it’s Meg Ryan pre-plastic surgery and Billy Crystal in his prime and some of the best movie dialogue ever written.

Favorite book?
You mean books, don’t you? I thought so.

Sophie’s Choice by William Styron. One of the few books I’d re-read if I had the time. Not to mention the fact that the movie was probably the most true to the book as any movie has ever been.

Prodigal Summer by Barbara Kingolver. Loved how she wove reproductive biology and farming politics into a great story.

Bonfire of the Vanities by Tom Wolfe. If you know New York, you have to love this book. Unfortunately, that movie sucked.

Straight Man by Richard Russo – You’ll laugh out loud.

Thank You for Smoking by Christopher Buckley – One of the funniest books I ever read. Also another poorly done movie.

The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay. Good from beginning to end

Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides. Biologically correct, beautifully written, especially the beginning.

A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers. Well, maybe it’s not all that, but I loved it.

Beloved by Toni Morrison

The Making of a Chef by Michael Ruhlman and Kitchen Confidential by Anthony Burdoin. Must reads for chef wanna-be’s.

Belle Canto and anything else by Anne Patchett, especially her memoir of her friend.

I read voraciously as a child, much more than I have as an adult. My favorite books as a kid were Anne Frank’s Diary, A Wrinkle in Time, The Little House on the Prairie series, Grimm’s Fairy Tales, the White Mountains and this old Children’s Bible that had a full page painting illustrating every story. I loved the Old Testament stories, which may explain why I know more about Judaism than my Jewish husband, and why I feel so much more comfortable around that religion than my own family’s.

Okay, that’s enough for today.

Favorite drink?

NYC Water. Cold. Straight from the tap, drunk best from a cupped hand placed below an open faucet.

Favorite meal?

Any meal eaten at my mother in law Irene’s house. You will never eat better food.

Favorite television show?

24. Since that’s not on these days, I’m watching the Wire on DVD.

Favorite curse word?

C’mon, you know what it is. You just want me to say it and sound crude. Well, fuck it, I’m not going to do that.

Any tattoos or piercings?

Just single ear piercings.

Any pets?

The one on the right.

Any heroes?

All the surgeons and OB docs out there who are working the nights and weekends that I stopped doing long ago. Operating for hours, delivering babies, saving lives. I used to be one of them, but now I am not. My style of office-based medical practice works for me and I think for my patients, and definitely for my family. But these guys - these are the heroes. I just play one in the daytime.

Thank you Dr. TBTAM for being Dr. April!

Photo Credit: from http://www.gurl.com/, then MagMyPic.com. Later this week, I will have a post on how I chose a picture for a calendar doc who describes her blog as “sort of culinary gynecology”. I'm warning you now, don't read it if you are going to be offended by pictures of pornographic cakes.

Message from Dr. April

I couldn't leave this hidden in my comment section. A message from Dr. April:

April Doctor(sung to the tune of April Showers)

Though April Doctor

Is on the way

I’ve missed the deadline

And now it’s May

But don’t you worry

Have no regrets

Because the April

doctor’s always in

Around the internet

So if you read this

It’s really true

You’ll soon be reading

My interview

So keep on reading Medblog Addict

And sing this little song

Whenever April Doctor

Comes along.....

Deadlines

Deadlines are important in my line of work. Every document that comes in the front door is reviewed by the receptionist to determine whether it contains any deadlines. If it does, then a copy of the document goes to our calendaring paralegal, who enters the deadline(s) on the firm's electronic calendar. The original document goes to the appropriate attorney's secretary, who puts it on her calendar, then she gives the document to the attorney, who places the deadline(s) on the paper calendar that our malpractice insurance carrier requires each attorney to keep in addition to the electronic calendar. Most days, I am trying to meet a deadline or two. Of course, this being the law, there is occasionally a loophole. Sometimes you can ask opposing counsel and/or the court for an extension of time. I couldn't make the deadline for getting my questions to Dr. April, so now Dr. April isn't going to appear until May. But it's okay, the judge approved my motion for extension of time to publish the Dr. April post. Stay tuned.

Photo: I need to exercise, so I thought I would look at a picture of Andy Roddick.

Germs on My Keyboard

1,887,480How Many Germs Live On Your Keyboard?

That's equivalent to the number of germs on 377 toilet seats.



I really am starting to feel guilty posting stuff like this instead of writing. Don't yell at me in my comment section, JMB, I really am working on the Dr. April post and my "series" that I started working on last year. But now I have to go pour some Clorox on my keyboard.

Another Timekiller

Hint for Dr. April

It's probably just me, but every time I read this doctor's blog, it puts me in the mood to bake cookies.

Photo credit: This is one of the many beautiful photos at Carver's site

Cat Blogging Without the Cat

Everyone with g-mail knows that Google hires people to read your e-mail, then those people come up with “useful information and relevant ads” to display in the sidebar of your g-mail pages. Last week, I e-mailed a friend about how spring was in the air and told him all about how we had watched three possums getting frisky in our backyard (yep, my e-mails are as interesting as my blog). For some reason, that e-mail brought on a lot of cat ads. Either that, or the person assigned to read my g-mail can read minds and knows that as soon as I get some extra time, I’m going to get us a kitten.

Anyway, I saw this ad for PalmMeow on my sidebar, and had to click on it. It is a cat retirement home "in an exclusive tropical resort located in sunny south Florida.” PalmMeow

. . . provides cat owners a beautiful home like environment in which their cats can get lots of love and attention as they live out their final years after their owner is no longer able to care for them. Life long planning ensures that a cat owner will know exactly where their cats will live, what services their pets will receive and that all their needs will be cared for through the placement of their cats at Palm Meow, Inc. It’s a home away from home where s/he can get lots of individualized attention, have a room or a cat condo all their own and enjoy a chance to go outdoors in a screened enclosed area.

My first thought was that’s crazy. But then after thinking about it, I realized that if I had money coming out the wazoo, I’d want to spend it on sending my cat to Florida after I died. I’ve already downloaded the application for when I get a cat. It’s never too early to start planning for your cat’s retirement, you know.

My Favorite Cat Videos

Clean

After my last post, I promised myself that I wouldn’t use the f-word unless it was really called for, and I wouldn’t post any more videos and/or quizzes until I wrote a few real posts. I really miss writing for my blog, plus I find it helps me be more creative in my writing at work, but I just can’t seem to find the time. Or, if I do have time, I’m just too tired to give it more than a half-ass effort, so I put off writing.

Having said all that, this post is full of videos and the f-word. Be forewarned, you will not find this video funny if:

1. You have high standards;
2. You are offended by the bleeping of the f-word;
3. You don’t know who Jimmy Kimmel is;
4. You don’t know who Sarah Silverman is;
5. You don’t know Jimmy and Sarah are a couple;
6. You don’t know who Matt Damon is;
7. You don’t know who Ben Afflect is;
8. You don’t know that Matt and Ben are a couple (of longtime friends);
9. You don’t know who Barack Obama is; and
10. You don’t know who Hillary Clinton is.
11. You don’t necessarily have to like these people to find this video funny, you just have to know a little of the background. But you know if something needs this much explanation and build up, it can't be that funny.
12. See how I have written a post about nothing so it makes it look like I am actually writing again for my blog.
13. I really am writing a series of posts, where I go back to my medblog addict roots, with a little attorney stuff thrown in. Really. I am. One day I will finish the series and actually post it.
14. Yes, I know there was no Dr. March. There will be a Dr. April.

Watch this first if you haven't seen "I'm f*ckin Matt Damon" or "I'm f*ckin Ben Affleck"



Then watch this.

Blog Cuss-o-Meter

Around 0% of the pages on your website contain cussing.This is 100% LESS than other websites who took this test.



I stole this from Mr. EE at Backboards and Band-Aids. My Blog-o-Cuss Meter is obviously having technical difficulties. Nothing ever fucking works on this blog.

Happy Easter

Blogger and YouTube have been acting weird lately and I somehow ended up with two Happy Easter posts. So, here's a quiz to replace the duplicate Easter video.

Your Pickup Line Is

Hi will you help me find my lost puppy? I think he went into this cheap hotel room across the street.

The Magical Pick Up Line Generator

Happy Easter

SHORT, BUT FUNNY VIDEO

Boogers

How do you tell a 35 year old man to stop picking his nose?

He is constantly picking his nose. The last time Boogers was in my office to talk about a case, he had his fingers up his nose the entire time. A few months ago, his secretary went to the office manager and asked to be reassigned because she didn't want to touch anything that Boogers gave her. He stopped for a while after that, but now he is back at it full time.

Today was the last straw. The group of attorneys I usually eat lunch with invited Boogers to join us for lunch at our favorite Mexican restaurant. I didn't find out he was going with us until we were walking out to the parking garage and, by that time, it was too late to back out. Boogers picked his nose during the entire ride to the restaurant.

We get to the restaurant, sit down, and the waiter places a huge basket of tortilla chips and salsa in front of us. Guess who was the first one to stick his boogery hand into the basket of chips? Yuck. How do you get a grown man to stop picking his nose?

The Perfect Shoe?

I'll admit, I'm kinda lazy and will occasionally look for shortcuts when it comes to cleaning. That's why I think I may have found the perfect shoe.

Lottery Fun

Dr. Shroom, I don't speak British, so can you translate this for me and tell me how much I have won in real money (you know, U.S. dollars)? I need to be sure it's enough to live on before I leave the boyfriend and quit my job.

Dear Lucky Winner,
WINNING NOTIFICATION

We happily announce to you the draw of the silver lottery programs held on this month. That your email address as indicated was drawn and attached to ticket number 0086955827499 with serial numbers BTD/0070648302/07 and drew the lucky winning numbers 14-31-30-39-40-47(30), which subsequently won you the lottery in the 5th Category? You have therefore been approved to Claim a total sum of BP 1,000.000{ONE MILLION BRITISH POUNDS STERLING} in cash credited to file REF NO. : BTD/969/08

This is from a total cash prize of GBP £16,000,000(SIXTEEN MILLION BRITISH POUNDS STERLING) shared amongst the first fourteen(14) lucky winners in this category. All participants were selected randomly from Worldwide Web site through computer draw system and extracted from over 100,000 email addresses of companies and Individuals. This promotion takes place annually.

Please note that you’re lucky winning number fall within our European booklet representative office in Europe As indicated in your play coupon. In view of this, Your GBP £1, 000,000 {ONE MILLION BRITISH POUNDS STERLING) would be released to you by our payment office in Europe. Our European agent will immediately commence the process to facilitate the release of your funds as soon as you contact him. Your prize award has been insured in your names and ready for claim. To begin your claims therefore, you are advised on final notice and as a matter of urgency, to contact our licensed and accredited Claim agent for Overseas Lottery Winners for the Processing of your prize awards winning and Payment To your designated bank account after all statutory Obligations have been concluded satisfactorily.

You are advised to contact your fiduciary agent with the following details to avoid unnecessary delays and complications:

1.your full names
2.sex
3.your address
4.your country
5.nationality
6.your fax
7.home phone number
8.mobile phone number
9.occupation
10.your age.
11.your batch number
12.your ref:number.
13.your lucky winning number
14.Your bank detail for transfer

Due to mixed up in some numbers and names and for the purpose of confidentiality, be advised to keep this award notification as secret from public notice until your claim has been processed and your prize money remitted to your designated bank account as this is part of precautionary measures to avoid double claim or misuse of this program by some social miscreants. Hence, your prize award winning is confidential as our winners are at liberty to remain completely anonymous until payment is effected. Congratulations once more from all members and staff of this program. Thank you for being part of our promotional lottery program.

I know, everyone gets these, but this one has to be legit. These people want to protect me from the "social miscreants" out there who might want to take advantage of me.

More Timekillers to Avoid Writing

I am actually working on a series of posts, but the way it looks now, I will be finished sometime in 2010. In the meantime, you might want to find out who your celebrity boob twin is.
.

Your Celebrity Boob Twin:

Jennifer Aniston

Who's Your Celebrity Boob Twin?

Aw hell, we might as well name them, too.

Your Boobies' Names Are...

the girls

Boobie Name Generator

The Cat That Came Back From the Dead

When I was growing up, we had a cat named Herman. Herman slept with me every night for as far back as I can remember. He fell ill with some cat disease that would require a lot of money and time at the animal hospital to cure, and there was no guarantee the treatment would work. While we weren’t poor, my parents were trying to raise three kids and spending that much money on Herman wasn’t in the budget.* They made the decision to put Herman to sleep. We said our goodbyes and my mother took him to the vet.

Time went by and, one afternoon, my mother got a phone call from the vet. He told her we could come get Herman, he was all well now. My poor mother didn’t know what was going on, and the vet explained that he knew how much we loved Herman so he had treated him for free. To this day, what that vet did still brings tears to my eyes. **

I have to admit I didn’t go to law school so I could “help people”. Mostly, I just thought being a lawyer would be a good job and the pay would be decent. When I was in law school, I belonged to some organizations that provided pro bono legal services, and I thought I would always be doing some pro bono work for the rest of my career. It’s what I was trained to do, so why wouldn’t I want to help people if I could?

I haven’t done any pro bono work since I passed the bar. I can’t do it during the day because I have to work on my cases and get my “billable” hours in. At the end of a ten hour day, I am tired and hungry and just want to change into shorts and a tee and eat dinner while watching some mindless reality show on television (mindless as in Big Brother, not Project Runway or Top Chef). That’s when we are not preparing for trial; at the end of a 16 hour day, I start stripping when I hit the front door and just fall into bed.

I hate to say it, but I don’t know when, or if, I will ever get to do any pro bono work. I’m just too damn tired.


*How things have changed. They spent $$$$$ on knee surgery for their current dog. My mother slept on an Aero bed on the floor for weeks after the surgery because the dog couldn’t jump on or off a regular bed.

**I have a lot of questions about that incident, but they will remain unasked. Knowing my father, I'm sure he must have told my mother to pay the vet when she picked up Herman.

Can you tell I’m still in work mode? Two footnotes on my BLOG post!

No Cookies for You

I’ve just spent the last 7 minutes lying on my bed, trying to zip up my new pair of jeans. Now I’ve got them zipped, but not buttoned. They are the same brand, size and style that I’ve always worn, but obviously Levi’s is trying to save a few pennies by using less fabric in the manufacturing of their jeans. It has thrown the sizing all out of whack. It couldn’t be that I’ve been eating like a little piggie for the last six weeks. I’ve been working so much that I haven't been eating regular meals. Eating junk food is easier and faster than eating right. And now it’s Girl Scout cookie season. Damn Girl Scouts and their cookies.

My Brainscan

I have a confession. I never go to the doctor. If I don't feel good, I Google my symptoms, prescribe an Advil for myself, and I am cured. No big deal. Now I don't even have to leave the house to get my brain scanned. I can do it myself over the Internet.

[Hmmm, I wonder if I took my brainscan to the ER, I could get some of the "good" stuff they are always writing about. It's not like they would have to spend a lot of time and money examining me. I've already done the hard part. I just show up with my brainscan, they take one look at it, see I'm obviously in need of pain meds for my headache. . . ]