Thursday, May 29, 2008

Vacationing in the ER

Occasionally, I will get e-mails from y’all, sending me lawyer jokes or telling me about something that happened at work that y’all think I might enjoy, but are hesitant to write about on your blogs. I received one such e-mail yesterday morning from an ER doc who shall remain nameless. He wrote to let me know that one of the ER nurses had walked in on a patient receiving a bj from his girlfriend (I’m not posting that part of the e-mail because of the umm, medical language he used.)

Having been jaded by reading so many ER medblogs, I just assumed they had been waiting for hours to be seen by a doctor, got bored, and found something to do to pass the time.

Here is the thread lifted straight from the e-mail (names changed, of course):

On 5/28/08,> wrote:
were they bored from having to wait so long?

On 5/28/08,> wrote:
well, there's a tv in the room, so they shouldn't be bored...

On 5/28/08,> wrote:
what? theres a tv in the room? i got no sympathy for you er docs anymore and don't want to hear anymore whining about patients who come in with non-emergencies. yall give them a private room with a/c, tv, drugs, food, drink. heck, they can call an ambulance to bring them there so they dont' even have to walk, they can save all their energy for the sex when they get there. all for free. who woudn't want to visit the er?

On Wed, May 28, 2008 at 9:22 AM,> wrote:
and i bet y'all have cable and free internet access too. its better than the NoTell Motel.

On Wed, May 28, 2008 at 9:42 AM> wrote:
70 channels and high speed wi-fi in fact... I don't mind the bullshit stuff, I just want to be paid well.

On 5/28/08,> wrote:
oh, and don't forget snack lunches and free cab rides home with a pocket full of freebie narcotics.

This got me to thinking. First, this e-mail is probably a hoax, because what self-respecting ER doc wouldn’t want to post something about bj’s on their blog. But then I read the part where he whined said he just wanted to be paid well and realized it probably was an ER doc.

Second, why should I spend good money on some fancy spa resort when I can get the same service just by visiting my local ER? There is free door-to-door transportation. All I have to do is dial three numbers and someone will rush to my house to pick me up. I don't even have to get out of bed. After being fussed over for a while, I will be whisked away to my 5 star luxury destination. And talk about VIP treatment--no waiting at red lights or getting stuck in traffic--people will pull over to let us by.

After arriving at the ER Resort, I will be greeted by concerned men and women who will give me their undivided attention. I will lounge around in air conditioned comfort, napping and being waited on hand and foot. I'm thirsty. I'm hungry. I'm cold, can I have a warm blanket? I LOVE those warm blankets. I usually order a margarita when I want to relax, but I guess I could try their feel-good drugs.

There will be people-watching, cable television, high speed internet access, on-site medical staff if I should get sick. Taxi service back home. All free of charge. I don't even have to TIP!!


Carver said...

Thanks for the laughs. Having been to an ER a few times in my life, I have to say that I've been going to the wrong ERs.

Then again, I have to admit that both times I've gone to the ER I have gotten very fast attention. As long as you time it so you don't actually die before getting there, I think the trick is to be semi conscious before you arrive. Makes it hard on the loved one trying to talk you into going and doesn't work if you don't have someone with you to make sure you don't die. It does eliminate long waiting room waits to arrive barely conscious, or has for me the two times I've gone to ER.

Medblog Addict said...

Hi Carver! Thanks for the tips?? I'm glad you are doing ok now. And I'm glad you saw the humor/sarcasm/irony in my post. Looking forward to checking out more of your pics. ~MA

Devorrah said...

Well, we know that this isn't from MDOD, as they wouldn't hesitate a moment to post something about bjs!

Doc's Girl said...

You don't even have to get up to go to the bathroom! :-P

Anonymous said...

We opened a brand new, state of the art 37 bed ED last October.

Every room has a flat screen, color TV, with 60+ channels, individual thermostat and the place is wired for Wi-Fi...

Makes you wonder some times

THW said...

I heard this comic talking about how the one place that really needs valet parking is the ER. I say I really agree with that. Looking for a parking space while your wife is writing in pain with appendicitis wasn't the best of times.

It would've been really nice to just drive up to the door, drop the car off, and hurry up and get inside... so we could spend an hour waiting in the waiting room.

jmb said...

But the problem is they just might find something wrong with you MBA!

Any chance of a Dr May?

Medblog Addict said...

Hi guys, thanks for stopping by and commenting. ER Valet parking…an idea whose time has come. I will set up valet parking at ER’s all over the country. I’ll be rich.

That reminds me of stories I used to hear when I was growing up. I always heard that ER docs and nurses could not come out and help people who were dumped outside the doors of the ER – something about they had to actually be in the building before they could be taken care of -- so the ER people just watched them die. Urban myth or true story? (Can I get any goofier?)

I might have a Dr. May in June. Things are slowing down a little at work, so I'm thinking about preparing all of the summer calendar doc posts at one time. That way I won't miss a month. I know jmb needs her beefcake.

SeaSpray said...

Enjoyed your post. LOL!

You wouldn't get rich with valet parking. You're assuming people are coming in with money.

Actually a larger hospital I went to last fall had valet parking. I don't know if that was always the case or because they were undergoing construction.

Funny thing though. One of our local hospitals daily has all 3 visitor/employee parking lots filled up. They have a man with a golf cart pick people up and drive them to the front doors.

I think staff would HAVE to property and all. We routinely went outside the ER doors to assist people trying to come in. And doctors/nurses sometimes met the rigs outside depending on what was going on.

Plus at our hospital they trained us to use the AED if someone went down outside or where ever, but Frankly if I am running back in to get that then I am going a few more steps and hollering down the ER hallway for help STAT.

Has to be urban legend.

Anonymous said...

You know, a few more female summer docs would be okay....

Not ALL of your readers are female, you know!!!

cwjsmama said...

The university hospital I worked at had valet parking. The parking structure was just too far for someone to walk who REALLY needed emergency services.

The hospital I work at now, we routinely have to go outside and help little ol ladies out of the car. About a month ago, we had to deliver a baby in a car in the driveway.