Do You Really Need a Hint?

Dr. July has been selected. There are still a few unresolved issues regarding interview questions, but negotiations are progressing well and I expect to have the contract signed sometime next week.*


* There’s not really a contract, that’s just my way of saying it ain’t gonna be ready on July 1.

I know, I know. I haven’t posted July’s Calendar Boy yet. I have to work…I have mani/pedis to pay for. I can’t spend all my time looking at half nekkid men. And thanks for the offers to help, Amanda and DP, but I don’t want to impose. I will just suffer through it. I promise, I will work on Calendar Boy this weekend. (Celeste, I hope Santa brings you what you want for Christmas. And thank you! You’ve given me a great idea for a post—even better, it doesn’t require me to write anything new.)

Embarrassing Typo

I thought maybe if I confess this on my anonymous blog, I will get it out of my system and stop cringing every time I think about what I did.

Last night I brought a file home so I could work on a letter that needed to be faxed to the client first thing this morning. The letter that was faxed this morning to our single, extremely handsome Banker Client included the following sentence:

If the panties opposing removal do not respond in a timely manner, . . .

PARTIES. I meant PARTIES.

The “r” and the “n” are not even close to each other on the keyboard. How could I have typed panties? Aw, shit. My face is still red.

(sorry, I lost your comments when I took this post down the first time.)

One Last Shot at Being Bad

Okay, JMB thinks I should keep trying. MonkeyGirl suggests I write about pain. Doc’sGirl says I need to get in touch with my inner pervert. And PA, well, she is just a role model for bad.

So, here it goes. One last shot to get my ratings up.

While grilling the chicken breasts, BF burned his hand and was in great pain. And even though he is a manly man, when he doesn’t feel good, he can be a big pain in the ass. He needed painkillers. Damn! I had taken the last two Advil for my cramps. To avoid strangling BF and to get away from his whining, I volunteered to go to the ER and seek some painkillers for him. Being aware of my scrub fetish, and knowing I was a little likkered up from the sex on the beach, BF said he would seek his own drugs from the ER. Since it was just down the street, BF decided to walk. Twelve hours later, BF called me from the ER and told me I needed to come pick him up. It seems he was afraid to walk home alone because while he was waiting to see the ER doc, he kept hearing stories about some dudes with guns and knives who attacked innocent people who were just walking down the street, minding their own business. Being the kind, considerate GF that I am (and recognizing an opportunity to see men in scrubs), I put on my sluttiest outfit and went to pick up BF.

If at first you don't succeed. . .

Mingle² - Online Dating

I Want to be Dirty Too

I can’t stand it. It’s killing me that ATM is only rated PG. It’s torture. Everyone else's blogs are rated PG-13 and up. I'm tired of being the good girl. I can’t help it if the only time I write about BF is when I’m pissed at him. He may be an old fart trial attorney, but he can be sexy. For example, last night he cut up a chicken with a knife and then tossed the chicken on the grill shotgun style. The chicken breasts and thighs were awesome and he whipped up some ass-kicking BBQ sauce. You can't tell me that a man cooking dinner for a woman isn't sexy. Plus we had sex on the beach.** Twice!

Obviously, posting pictures of half-naked men and writing about butt-pus isn’t enough. I need to write more about body parts. But it’s not going to be easy. When I was writing my post on the positive Throckmorton sign, I couldn’t even bring myself to type the word penis. Instead I chose to link to an X-ray on MDOD and let them explain the implications of a left or right pointing penis.

I guess I can always re-publish the post that I took down last week—-you know, the one about me writing a sexy letter to our client about my PANTIES.



** Sex on the Beach
1 fluid ounce vodka
1/2 fluid ounce melon liqueur
1/2 fluid ounce raspberry flavored liqueur
1 1/2 fluid ounces pineapple juice
1 1/2 fluid ounces cranberry juice

Crap--I want my money back. All those penises and all I got was a lousy PG-13.

Mingle² - Online Dating

ATM is Rated PG

I saw this on Gruntdoc and immediately had to play. I was a little concerned about what my rating would be because I have been known to use the f-word on ATM every once in a while. Okay, I searched--I've used it five times on this blog. And really, one of those fucks belongs to 911 Doc.

Apparently, saying the f-word five times will only get you a PG rating. Whew! What a relief. Now I don't have to worry about losing the under 13 crowd. When you only have 15 readers, you tend to take these things seriously.

This little rating game comes from Mingle2. Anyone else wondering what Gruntdoc was doing on a 100% free online dating site?

Look Fast

Okay, look fast because ATM is rapidly falling.

This morning Addicted to Medblogs was listed as #120 on the list of "The World's Top Blogs on Health and Medicine". When I first saw it, I thought "WTF? They must be trying to sell me something."

After news of the List spread throughout the blogosphere, and the legit medblogs were added, ATM has dropped to #130 [130. Addicted to Medblogs 4 1 9 5 19] . I'll give it another 15 minutes and I'm pretty sure ATM will be off the List forever.

After the riff-raff like ATM is knocked off the List, it will probably be a good source for finding the popular medblogs. But I still think the best place for finding great medblogs is Kim's blogroll on Emergiblog. Big and popular blogs are nice, but those little out-of-the-way medblogs are pretty damn interesting. I love it when I accidently stumble on a great medblog that's kinda off the beaten path. My goal when I first started reading the medblogs was to visit each blog listed on Kim's blogroll. I'd still like to do it, but my job keeps getting in my way.

Oh well, for a few hours, ATM was #120. It was fun while it lasted.

June's Calendar Doc is . . . Trenchy

I thought it was only right that Trenchy should be the first Doctors of the Blogosphere calendar boy. After all, I did steal his idea after he closed his blog. Trenchdoc was one of my favorite medblogs. Trenchy could make me laugh, he could make me cry, he could make me want to knock him on his ass. I'm gonna miss Trenchdoc.

Here is Trenchy's Calendar Boy interview:

Q1. Is your blog gone for good and why did you take it down?

Yes, Trenchdoc is dead forever. We had been considering moving the blog to a different domain anyway, but “someone” complained (that the blog was offensive) to the Mecca administration. We believe it was because I indicated that poor white people tend to be drug seekers.

Q2. Do you plan on having another medblog?

Yes, another blog is in the works… but will be entirely different, something like the “Motley Fool” of medicine… the working titles are www.thebacondiet.com or maybe www.shrinkageisreal.com

Q3. What was your favorite post from Trenchdoc?

Hands down, “Red Velvet Cake”… that kind of crap only happens to people in the trenches.

Q4. What are your favorite blogs to visit?

Addicted to Medblogs, of course. I consider Gruntdoc the quintessential ER blogger and I read Charity Doc and Movin’ Meat nearly everyday. Panda Bear MD may be the best writer of any blog in any category, even better than several professional writers… stupid intern. (I know, he had to say ATM, but I'm leaving it in--Medblog Addict).

Q5. What is the craziest ER story that you never told on your blog?

I shouldn’t even go here… but I did an evaluation for sexual assault on a severely physically handicapped female who complained that she had only consented to sex in a certain area, but that her “friend” (that she met on the Internet) had performed the act in a different area. When I performed the exam, it took me 10 minutes and a 2nd opinion to determine one area from the other myself.

Q6. What color scrubs do you wear?

Navy, light blue and hospital blue-green… and I know you didn’t ask but I wear black underwear, socks and clogs.

Q7. Is there anything that we should know about you that would help us to better understand your writing, some have said they can never tell when you are serious?

The only time I am serious is when I get my ass handed to me. Like when I have to pull the plug on my flippin blog.

Q8. What would you do if you were not in medicine?

Throw away my Zantac… and pick up my duck call.

Q9. What do you do with your free time?

Eat Zantac… Oh and look at myself in the mirror… naked… although I have to be more careful about that since I got a new Lab pup (he’s a chewer).

Q10. What “lessons in life” have you learned being a doctor that others outside the profession may not know about?

That there is no black and white in medicine, nor in life… we are all good and evil and courageous and detestable (like hospital administrators) at any given time.

Q11. What is the best thing about authoring a medical blog?

I liked reading that others felt the same way I did about the sadness that is inevitable in our occupation… and the commentors who would e-mail topless pictures. I liked that A LOT!

Q12. Why did you start blogging, what gave you the idea?

Just a way to vent about the daily struggles in the ER, and what a way to meet chicks, I mean, it is just ridiculous.

Q13. Does threat of malpractice affect how you practice medicine? How?

Yes, I do not make a decision without considering the legal risk and I frequently must weigh my risk against doing what is right.

Q14. Everything in blog-dom is so anonymous, tell us something about you only your best friend would know.

I lied about the topless pics, but I really did almost have Seaspray talked into it.

Q15. Do you have a tattoo or piercing?

Yes, a Kappa Sigma on my left cheek. If I ever do an Iron-man triathlon I’d get that tattoo also.

Photo of Trenchy taken on a Carolina beach, exactly 500 feet away, just like the restraining order required. For a small fee, I will e-mail you a picture of the tat on his left cheek. What?...I just happen to be passing by that window when my finger accidently hit the button on my camera phone.

Real photo credit: Pacific Coast News

June's Blogging Doctor Calendar Boy – Hint

He once wrote:

“I would drive 500 miles for a duck . . . but I wouldn’t drive 50 miles for a relationship.”


Update – Sorry, due to unforeseen circumstances, I could not get to my computer yesterday to post June’s Calendar Boy. It will be up sometime early next week.

Video Wednesday - Monkey With A Death Wish

Don't worry. Everything turns out okay in the end.

Dammit Dr. Schwab

It sure as hell better be temporary!

Okay, to be honest, I'm not exactly sure what you're trying to say. I'm just saying that I hope you're not saying you are retiring Surgeonsblog.

Blog Uncovered in Legal Malpractice Case

From the Legal Briefs section of The Daily News:

Trial will begin next week in the legal malpractice action against non-prominent attorney Medblog Addict. Ms. Addict is accused of attorney negligence. The Plaintiff in the case, I. M. Hertz, alleges Ms. Addict missed several court dates and filing deadlines, and failed to return his phone calls. Colleagues say they became worried about Ms. Addict after watching her giggling, blushing and laughing out loud in Court. The Plaintiff alleges Ms. Addict routinely brought inappropriate material into the courtroom to read while waiting for her cases to be called.

Of particular interest in this case will be the effect that Ms. Addict’s blog has on the jury. A blog is a type of online diary. During her deposition, it was discovered that Ms. Addict maintained a blog called “Addicted to Medblogs”. The blog is now covered under a protective order of the Court and is no longer available for public view, but it’s been rumored that the blog contains a confession by Ms. Addict that she drilled peep holes in the walls of emergency rooms, operating rooms and doctors’ offices just so she could get a glimpse into the mysterious world of medicine, and perhaps find a few cheap thrills. (Just Google “Addicted to Medblogs”. You can’t hide anything nowadays. Every disgusting post is out there somewhere on the Internet. It appears Ms. Addict also has some kind of scrub fetish.--Editor)

Ms. Addict is acting as her own counsel. She was fired from her job at Dewey Cheatem & Howe after her blog was revealed. It seems Jr. Partner’s valedictorian son was kicked out of his prestigious prep school after school officials read Ms. Addict’s blog and discovered that Jr. Partner and Ms. Addict had been doing little JP Jr.’s homework for the past few years. When asked how the prestigious prep school learned of Ms. Addict’s blog, Senior Partner said that the school had received a copy in the mail from an "anonymous" concerned citizen. Coincidentally, Senior Partner’s son will graduate as class valedictorian from the prestigious prep school, now that JP Jr. has been expelled.

We tracked down Ms. Addict at her new place of employment and asked her if she thought representing herself in this case was a wise decision. Ms. Addict said, “Probably not, but geez, who can afford to pay some obnoxious bastard $500/hour just to push some papers around on his desk and make a few phone calls. You know, lawyers will bill you .2 hours just for leaving a message on your answering machine telling you they called. I got mani/pedi bills to pay, I can’t afford no stinking legal bills. Now, would you like fries with that burger? Hey, if you write something nice about me, I’ll throw in a free fried pie.”

Next week: Part II - The Trial

Calendar Boys

As most of you know, TrenchDoc would post a picture of the current month’s featured resident from the ER Residents of the Mecca calendar. When TrenchDoc bailed on us, he took his calendar boys with him. So I thought I would do my part and carry on the tradition of calendar boy doctors by posting a monthly photo from the Addicted to Medblogs’ Doctors of the Blogosphere calendar. Of course, since I have never seen any of the blogging doctors in person*, I get to use my imagination and post my vision of what each doctor looks like. And if you have any suggestions, let me know. June’s calendar boy will be posted on Friday, June 8, 2007. After that, look for a new Blogging Doctor calendar boy on the first of each month.

*Okay, I admit I do have a few pictures, but before posting them, I need to do a little research on the stalking laws in a couple of the southern states.