Saturday, January 20, 2007

Bat Shit Crazy and a Positive Throckmorton Sign

I wish this post could live up to its title.

I have no medical background, nor an aptitude for science. So it should not come as a complete surprise that after wandering through the medblogs for about six months now, I am still pretty much clueless. I probably still skip over more than I actually read. Nevertheless, I have picked up a few things over the past six months:
1. Batshit crazy. I love this expression and have incorporated it into my everyday vocabulary. I just wish I could use it when I am drafting a pleading to file with the Court:

The Plaintiff is batshit crazy. See Affidavit of Dr. Scrubs attached hereto as Exhibit “A”. For this reason, Defendant requests that the Court grant its Motion to Dismiss.

2. I am getting better at reading x-rays. Okay, let’s just say I can now tell when fingers have been blown off and I am starting to locate the bullets and knives a little quicker. I can also recognize a positive Throckmorton sign. Who knew those things showed up so well on an x-ray? My favorite post on the subject is on MDOD. Even a clueless layperson like me can appreciate that x-ray.

3. Along that same vein, I have also learned some medical slang and acronyms.

I started using these at work, thus making them legal terms:

BMW - Bitch Moan & Whine

DMFNFL - Dumb motherfucker, not fit to live

Goat Rodeo - Emergency scene which goes badly (resembles a bunch of people riding or wrestling goats) [occurs at least twice a day in our offices]

SWAG - Scientific Wild Ass Guess.

This is the reason I will never tell an ER doctor what I do for a living:

Chandelier's Sign - The result of any test or probing after which the patient must be removed from the chandelier.

I just like these because they are funny:

FDSTW - Found Dead Stayed That Way

OB/GYN - Oh Boy! Got You Naked!

Blade - Surgeon: dashing, bold, arrogant and often wrong, but never in doubt

RPVU - Relative Porsche Value Unit: surgical index of potential income from the repair of patient injuries, usually orthopedic in nature. Fractured finger = a windscreen wiper; a fractured hip = new tires, etc.

TTFO - Told To Fuck Off or, when being deposed, "Told to Take Fluids Only".

You medical people are so funny.


Anonymous said...

And there's "Code Brown"--poop everywhere, and "Frequent Flyers"--repeat ER visitors who are drug-seekers...

Anonymous said...

this is one we use at times: CMFIC- chief mother f***** in charge.... and, walkie-talkies- patients who are able to ambulate and be fairly independent (usually about the time they're discharged...)

Anonymous said...

There's a million of them. The O sign: an unconscious person with his mouth open. The Q sign: same, with tongue hanging out.

Anonymous said...

I am learning all kinds of things here tonight M.A. Not a lot of wordage needed for that lesson. I am certain that I will always remember what a Throckmorton is, - positive - reverse - all of it. I also didn't know that one's "Throckmorton" could be seen on x-ray. ;) I believe things happen for a reason. One never knows when the opportunity might arise (opportunity not the Throckmorton)to assess someone's Throckmorton situation - and I will be ready.

The acronyms are a hoot! I thought frequent flyer was "anyone" who frequented the ED not just drug seekers. I have heard it used both ways and have jokingly called myself a frequent flyer to the doctor's office and hospital this past year.

Fun Post M.A. :)

Anonymous said...

Just passing through. I note some comments deleted on one of my posts... just as well I get them e-mailed to me. Thanks M.A. My soul feels like it weighs a little less this morning.
(Low on my list of colours I don't want to be)

Medblog Addict said...

Now I'm blushing.

Anonymous said...

Ha! We can both sit here rosy cheeked together. Splendid
Can I add a couple of acronyms?
Totally Fucked, But Not Dead Yet
Pissed (drunk), Fell Over


Anonymous said...

I've been using Batshit Crazy for years. Of course I have.

Although the entire Throckmorton business was completely new. Of course it was.

Oh MBA, I can always rely on you/your blog to educate me with something!

Anonymous said...

FOS-Full of Shit-diagnosis for constipated

Anonymous said...

OBTW-oh by the way, can you look in my husbands ears after you do my pap smear! Can't stand it when patients want the two for a dollar-TFD

Anonymous said...

Don't forget these classics:

DFO: Done Fell Out
GOMER: Get Outta My E.R.
PITA: Pain In The Ass