Scalpel or Sword is one of my favorite medblogs. How could it not be? It's full of great ER stories, with an occasional recipe and cat picture thrown in. It's like Scalpel created my fantasy medblog. I became an instant Scalpel fan after reading "Veggie Tales".
Here is our interview:
Q1: How long had you been reading the medblogs before you started Scalpel or Sword? Is this your first blog?
A: About a year or so. GruntDoc was the first medblog I ever read, and I surfed round from his blogroll for a while. This is my first and only blog.
Q2: How would your co-workers describe you?
Q3: I’ve already decided that if I ever end up in the ER, I’m going to call everyone Scalpel, just in case it happens to be your ER. I don't want to blow your cover, so do you want to give me a code word or phrase that you will use to let me know I stumbled onto the real Scalpel?
A: If you call me Scalpel, I'll reply "well I'm definitely not Movin' Meat."
Q4: So, what do you have against boobs?
A: I'm actually a huge fan. But if a woman thinks I'm looking at her breasts, I'm probably just evaluating her respiratory effort. Observing the chest is an important part of the ABCs. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Q5: You once wrote “I have met professional athletes and multimillionaire CEOs who travel by helicopter, and some local and national political figures and TV newscasters.”
I know you can’t give us any names, but how about providing us with the initials of three or four of these famous people. And maybe tell us what was wrong with them. You don’t have to be specific, just say STD but don’t reveal which one. It’s ok. I only have 15 readers and we’ll never tell.
A: Initials, eh? Alright: M.E., K.L., T.F., R.C., C.C. They just had normal ER stuff: SVT, musculoskeletal injury, syncope, abdominal pain, pneumonia. We're all the same inside. My strangest "celebrity encounter" was this crazy long-haired tattooed guy who claimed he was the guitar player for a famous metal band. He gave me a "backstage pass" which was just a brochure for a nightclub.
Q6: If one of your children wanted to be a doctor, would you be encouraging or discouraging? What if they wanted to be a lawyer? What if they wanted to go to UT? (We know you just want them to be happy, so skip that part and tell us what you really think.)
A: I would be thrilled if they became physicians. That would be four generations in a row for my family. I wouldn't mind if they became attorneys either...I once considered that career myself. I would be much more disappointed if they went to tu (that's what Aggies call the University of Texas). [I’m gonna leave that explanation in, but only because a few of my 15 readers aren’t from Texas]
Q7: Who would win in a mud wrestling match: Monkey Girl or Nurse K?
A: The viewers, of course. I'll be the ring doctor.
Q8: Do you play any musical instruments?
A: I play around with the drums, but I'm just an amateur. One of my friends is an amazing guitarist, and we jam every now and then.
Q9: Describe your fantasy sandwich.
A: First take an inflatable swimming pool filled with chocolate pudding....just kidding. Toasted sourdough with smoked chicken, pastrami, pepper jack cheese, and mustard; a side of Wavy Lays, a couple of dill pickles, and a Dr. Pepper on ice.
Q10. If space aliens came into your ER one night, what conclusions about the human race would they make?
A: I think they would LWBS (leave without being seen), then go back to the mother ship and exterminate us like ants.
Q11: In a post, you asked “Is it still called a ‘haircut’ if it costs $400? Or is there a fancier name for it? For that much money, he should have gotten a happy ending.”
“Happy ending”? Where the heck do you get your hair cut?
A: I cut my own hair. Number 3 on the sides and number 6 or 8 on top. I would never pay someone $400 for something I could do myself for free.
Q12: At what point in life did you decide that you wanted to be a doctor?
A: My dad took me on hospital rounds with him a few times, and I remember the nurses pushed me around in a wheelchair. So it seems like forever.
Q13: We know that between Scalpel or Sword, you would choose Scalpel, but what about:
Carrots or Peas - carrots
Real or Fake - real
Beach or Mountains - beach
Girth or Length - In Texas, you don't have to choose.
Cold Beer or Iced Tea - iced tea
Leno or Letterman - Letterman
Boxers or Briefs - briefs
Cats or Dogs - cats
Pepsi or Coke - Coke
T or A - T
Simpsons or Flintstones - Simpsons
Nuts or No Nuts - no nuts
Top or Bottom - top
Q14: And of course, what color scrubs do you wear to work?
A: Johnny Cash
Picture: This is Scalpel relaxing at home on a day off from the ER.
Photo credit: I don't know where the photo came from. I received it in a funny e-mail from Mom. She would kill me if she knew I told y'all she sent me that picture. As you can see, I chickened out and didn't post the whole picture. Here are the original pictures.