Saturday, September 20, 2008

I Spent the Night With Ike

I don’t like Ike.

Power company workers are my new heroes.

Men love chainsaws.

Men with chainsaws are idiots.

Men with chainsaws on ladders are crazy idiots.

Maybe it’s all the medblogs I’ve read, but while I stood around watching the chainsaw festivities (with my cellphone hidden in my pocket, ready to call 911), I kept thinking:

I can put fingers and toes in the small Ziploc bags.

I can put hands in the gallon size bags. No, I think I’d need the 2 gallon bag because I’ll need room for some ice. Crap, I don’t want to use my precious ice for packing severed body parts. What’s the least amount of ice I can use and still save whatever they happen to cut off. Crap, no stores are going to have ice. I’d better not have to try to find more ice. If it happens while working on a neighbor’s house, then they ought to supply the ice. How can I be so selfish. I should be willing to share my ice to pack a neighbor’s severed body part. Crap, if more than one person has something cut off, will I have to use separate Ziploc bags for each person. If I can put all of the severed body parts in one Ziploc bag, then I wouldn’t need as much ice.

I’ll have to use a garbage bag if they cut off a leg. Crap, that would require a lot of ice.


Vijay said...

This kind of analytical thinking is going to take you places MBA. I wouldn't be surprised if you end up on the Supreme Court bench.

Alex Stoker said...

Dont pack body parts right on ice... wrap 'em in moist gauze, or equivalent, bag 'em, put that bag in a bag of water, put that bag in ice.
Hope that helps ;)



Anonymous said...

Yeah, Dr. Shroom beat me to it...

Just a little ice, with some water... Don't want to free-burn the tissues..

Another thought, if you combine them in the same bag, we might not get the right fingers and toes on the right person... that would probably be bad

Anonymous said...

I stayed through a Hurricane during Med School, but it was only cause I didn't have anything worth losing and wanted the chance to shoot looters :)

jmb said...

Glad you survived Ike MBA and those chainsaw wielders.
Love John's comment.
We once had a guy brought into our hospital who had started up his chainsaw only to have it kick back and catch him in the throat. Miraculously he survived. I don't like chainsaws either since then.

Carver said...

I'm not sure why but this post made me laugh harder than I have in ages. Maybe because in the 1990s when we were hit by Hurricane Fran, several people wanted to borrow "our" chainsaw. When I said, sure let me see if "__" is done with it, "__" said they'll get hurt, tell them I'll help them when I finish with "__".

The chainsaw in question was technically mine since my parents gave it to "us" when I was married but I never could convince anyone to take the time and show ME how to use it. If I wasn't so bad with tools I might have pushed the point, as it is I eventually let the chainsaw leave with a friend for good.

I hope you didn't have any major damage from Ike.

Anonymous said...

Recently we had a tree cut down at our cottage and I convinced the local handy man type guy to show me how it was done. I love using the chainsaw now. This guy says that many of his clients are professionals. Oddly, doctors like chain-sawing, lawyers won't. Not sure what it means.

make mine trauma said...

You could gather all of the body parts and hold them for ransom or trade them for ice and supplies. Of course you would have to make the amputee properly describe the missing appendage in order to claim the correct one.

Curdie said...

Even though my husband is going to be borrowing a chainsaw on a stick tonight, (He broke his saw on a stick this morning while trimming trees) I laughed my head off at this post.

I also am ready with the paper towels to be moistened, the ziploc full of water and the bigger ziploc full of ice. Thanks!

Surgeon In My Dreams said...

My dad, who is 76, was on a ladder against a tree, using his chain saw to cut off a limb.

He was fortunate, when he fell the chain saw turned off.

He also still works and goes to the gym every day.