Monday, March 23, 2009

Kicking Bean Gel's Ass



I spent part of the weekend playing one of those lame Facebook games. It’s called Fashion Wars. That’s me up there. I guess if I was a good fashionista, I’d have chosen the red shoes.

The way I figured it, the object of the game was to make money and earn gifts from celebrities, then buy clothes, accessories, shoes, mani/pedi’s, pocket dogs, cars, etc. Once you accumulated enough stuff, you could challenge another player to a showdown:

"Get that fake Louis (Vuitton) outta my face!"

We're all hot, but who's the hottest? Fight it out in a style showdown with other posses for honor and glory. It's your posse versus theirs: each member of your posse is armed with the best items from the Shop, and it's the same deal for your opponent. You should try to have at least one Essential, one Perk, and one Vehicle for each member of your posse. When you win fights, you win cash, but MOST importantly your popularity increases. Popularity is key to moving up levels.


Yep, you read right. We have posses. In the beginning, my posse consisted of me and the freebie posse member they give all new players.

I got me a naked yoga studio and a NYC penthouse, so I didn’t completely suck. I couldn’t compete with the big girls, and I got my ass whipped on a regular basis, but that was okay because I was having fun and everyone was playing nice -- they would smack me down, take my money, then move on.

When I learned I could hide my money in the bank, things started getting a little nasty:

· 8 hours, 43 minutes ago:
You were smacked down by "passion of fashion"
You lost the fight, taking 22 damage and losing $0 (that meant "passion of fashion" didn't get any of my money).

· 8 hours, 43 minutes ago:
You were smacked down by "passion of fashion"
You lost the fight, taking 19 damage and losing $0 (must have pissed her off, so she clicked on me again).

· 8 hours, 44 minutes ago:
You were smacked down by "passion of fashion"
You lost the fight, taking 13 damage and losing $0 (and, one more time).

Apparently, Passion of Fashion, didn’t like the fact that I was hiding my money and decided to teach me a lesson by clicking on me THREE times and making me lose points. BFD. I didn’t need those points anyway.

Here’s where the trouble began. I had finally saved enough money to buy myself a pink Hummer limo, and before I could even click on the “Buy” button, someone challenges me to a showdown and wins $38,500:

· 4 hours, 38 minutes ago:
You were smacked down by Beangel (Seriously, Bean Gel?)
You lost the fight, taking 16 damage and losing $38,500.

Damn, that hurt, but it’s part of the game.

But then SHE DID IT AGAIN while I was getting money out of the bank to replace the money she had stolen 1 minute before.

· 4 hours, 38 minutes ago:
You were smacked down by Beangel.
You lost the fight, taking 11 damage and losing $11,305.

Bitch.

Now I didn’t have enough money to buy my pink Hummer.

In a snit, I got out the ol’ PayPal account and spent 20 REAL dollars so I could buy me some imaginary friends to be in my posse. Ms. Bean Gel’s ass was grass. I was gonna buy 100 pink Hummer limos and one of those fancy pocket dogs.

It didn’t work out like I planned. Real life got in the way and I didn’t get to implement my evil plan to kick Ms. Bean Gel’s big fat ass.

But I could have – me and my posse.