Happy Easter!

This cracks me up every year. Happy Easter!

Twitter Confession

I have a Twitter confession to make. I have a secret Twitter account. It's my celebrity/gossip account where I follow Taylor, Demi, Tina, Britney, Perez, etc.

Sure, go ahead and laugh. But guess who I just found out is now following ME? Britney. I am one of her 77,790 close personal friends.

Uh huh. Now who's laughing?

Suggestions for April's Calendar Doc - Update

I think April would be a good month to have a “Calendar Doc” picture of a half nekkid hottie interview. How about y’all pick Dr. April? Leave a comment telling me who you would like to see interviewed. I’ll leave the “Comment Moderation” on, so the final result will be a surprise. Last day for suggestions will be April 10th. If you have any particular questions you want to ask a calendar doc, let me know in the comment section.

Just so you know, in the 2 ½ years I’ve been doing the Calendar Doc series, only one person has refused my request, so you might want to avoid suggesting a certain doctor with a thing for llamas. But other than that, I’ll summon up the courage to ask anyone you can think of.

Remember, the calendar docs don't have to be male!

CLARIFICATION: Comment moderation is ON. I read the comments, but I don't publish them. That way, Dr. April will be a surprise. Oh, come on. I know y'all like surprises. And I have to do something to liven up this boring blog.

April Fools Day Stuff - Updated

I'm such a goofy girl. I am always excited when I see a new Google logo. I really liked their first day of spring logo.


Now I am looking forward to seeing what Google's April Fools Day joke is going to be this year.

Here's a list of the top 100 April Fools Day Hoaxes of All Time. I've only read the first few, but I think I like Burger King's left handed Whopper the best so far.

I need more suggestions for Dr. April. So far, there is a six (6) way tie.

Hmmm. I've gone from angry blogger to boring blogger.

Here's a new one.

Twouble With Twitter

Uh huh.

Kicking Bean Gel's Ass

I spent part of the weekend playing one of those lame Facebook games. It’s called Fashion Wars. That’s me up there. I guess if I was a good fashionista, I’d have chosen the red shoes.

The way I figured it, the object of the game was to make money and earn gifts from celebrities, then buy clothes, accessories, shoes, mani/pedi’s, pocket dogs, cars, etc. Once you accumulated enough stuff, you could challenge another player to a showdown:

"Get that fake Louis (Vuitton) outta my face!"

We're all hot, but who's the hottest? Fight it out in a style showdown with other posses for honor and glory. It's your posse versus theirs: each member of your posse is armed with the best items from the Shop, and it's the same deal for your opponent. You should try to have at least one Essential, one Perk, and one Vehicle for each member of your posse. When you win fights, you win cash, but MOST importantly your popularity increases. Popularity is key to moving up levels.

Yep, you read right. We have posses. In the beginning, my posse consisted of me and the freebie posse member they give all new players.

I got me a naked yoga studio and a NYC penthouse, so I didn’t completely suck. I couldn’t compete with the big girls, and I got my ass whipped on a regular basis, but that was okay because I was having fun and everyone was playing nice -- they would smack me down, take my money, then move on.

When I learned I could hide my money in the bank, things started getting a little nasty:

· 8 hours, 43 minutes ago:
You were smacked down by "passion of fashion"
You lost the fight, taking 22 damage and losing $0 (that meant "passion of fashion" didn't get any of my money).

· 8 hours, 43 minutes ago:
You were smacked down by "passion of fashion"
You lost the fight, taking 19 damage and losing $0 (must have pissed her off, so she clicked on me again).

· 8 hours, 44 minutes ago:
You were smacked down by "passion of fashion"
You lost the fight, taking 13 damage and losing $0 (and, one more time).

Apparently, Passion of Fashion, didn’t like the fact that I was hiding my money and decided to teach me a lesson by clicking on me THREE times and making me lose points. BFD. I didn’t need those points anyway.

Here’s where the trouble began. I had finally saved enough money to buy myself a pink Hummer limo, and before I could even click on the “Buy” button, someone challenges me to a showdown and wins $38,500:

· 4 hours, 38 minutes ago:
You were smacked down by Beangel (Seriously, Bean Gel?)
You lost the fight, taking 16 damage and losing $38,500.

Damn, that hurt, but it’s part of the game.

But then SHE DID IT AGAIN while I was getting money out of the bank to replace the money she had stolen 1 minute before.

· 4 hours, 38 minutes ago:
You were smacked down by Beangel.
You lost the fight, taking 11 damage and losing $11,305.

Bitch.

Now I didn’t have enough money to buy my pink Hummer.

In a snit, I got out the ol’ PayPal account and spent 20 REAL dollars so I could buy me some imaginary friends to be in my posse. Ms. Bean Gel’s ass was grass. I was gonna buy 100 pink Hummer limos and one of those fancy pocket dogs.

It didn’t work out like I planned. Real life got in the way and I didn’t get to implement my evil plan to kick Ms. Bean Gel’s big fat ass.

But I could have – me and my posse.

Angry Blogger

Reading over my last post, I realize that I am starting to become an angry blogger. I need to lighten up. Maybe I should post more pictures of puppies and kittens. Here is a picture of a puppy. Well, a puppy with dead ducks in front of him, but hey, it’s a start.

There’s a reason for my anger, or maybe it’s more disappointment or frustration. The solution is to accept that I will always have to watch what I write on this blog, or start over on a new, more anonymous, blog. I guess I could do both. I’ll have to think about that.

I was trying to think of a funny, non-angry post I could write, but nothing really funny happened to me today. In fact, I was a bit of a bitch all day.

Something did strike me as kind of odd, though. I received an e-mail from opposing counsel today that read “I will file it NLT Tuesday”. That’s the first time I’ve ever received a work-related e-mail that used shorthand lingo like that. I’m not sure if I think it’s strange because that is the first time it has happened, or if I think it’s strange because it doesn’t happen more often.

Update: I dare you not to laugh before you press the "Stop" button. (thanks Andi!)

Blog Stuff

I don’t like the advertising that is a part of Blogrolling now, so I’ve decided to make the switch to Blogger. It’s going to be a pain in the ass and will take some time. I was wondering if I really need a blogroll. I never use it. Since I started reading everything through Google Reader, I rarely visit blogs in person anymore.

Speaking of Google Reader, I will be going back to "short" feeds instead of full posts. I have my reasons and if you’re interested, I’ll be glad to tell you about it in an e-mail.

Speaking of e-mails, I received an e-mail recently, telling me that I was being “chickenshit” for not allowing comments. I’m a lawyer, if you want to insult me, or bully me into doing something, you’re going to have to do better than that. It’s my blog and I’ll do whatever the fuck I want to on it.

Speaking of comments, I will probably turn them on again in a few weeks.

I would like to thank Peter at ParalegalTraining.net for including me in his most entertaining law blog list, although I’m pretty sure there must be a catch and he’s going to want money from me now.

In case you can't tell, I'm a little cranky tonight, so I think I will go to bed now. Y'all have a good week.

Twitters in the Waiting Room

[Yep, I just changed the title.]

This weekend I discovered Twitter Venn Diagrams. I’ll let these smart folks tell you all about them. I thought it would be fun to find out what people were twittering about in your waiting rooms. Here are a few of the more “interesting” tweets:

dear lady in the next bed: "don't worry about it" is an inappropriate response to the ER doctor's question "what meds are you on?"5:20 PM Feb 28th from TwitterFox

Funniest thing I've seen all day: an ER doctor trying to play Wii balance games. Never seen anyone lean with such surgical precision!8:08 PM Mar 1st from web

Omg! hot hot hot doctor at the ER checking my kids.4:34 PM Mar 2nd from txt

In the waiting room of the doctor's office, hoping to get some good meds. *Nate10:30 AM Mar 3rd from txt

Gotta love a doctor's office that has a well-worn copy of the swimsuit issue in the waiting room.7:46 AM Mar 4th from TwitterFon

In a very small room, no windows, waiting for a doctor. Only diff between me and a prisoner is the prisoner knows when he'll get 2 leave.1:40 PM Mar 4th from TwitterBerry

Okay. 25 minutes in the stuffy waiting room. My doctor has no soul.1:11 PM Mar 5th from txt

Long day and darn doctor took forever! Probably got charged for waiting in the waiting room!8:13 PM Mar 2nd from txt

It's odd when random people start a conversation with a stranger in the waiting room at the doctor's office.12:07 PM Mar 3rd from txt

in doctor's waiting room; next to a very attractive girl who is making THAT look every time the doc passes by. ??????1:51 PM Mar 3rd from web

The music of choice in the doctor's office waiting room is chirping birds...I feel like I'm in a forest or something6:04 PM Mar 3rd from mobile web

Waiting in the waiting room @ the doctor. Waiting to go in the smaller room... To wait. 3:46 PM Mar 2nd from TwitterBerry

In the waiting room here and there's a lawyer and a film crew to do a depo on a doctor here. Keep hearing the words liability. Scary.3:58 PM Mar 3rd from Ping.fm

At the doctor. The mind numbing noise of Nancy Grace on waiting room tv is making me feel worse.7:53 PM Mar 3rd from TwitterBerry

I'm 20 minutes away from throwing punches, I'm a very congested grumpy live wire in this waiting room. I miss my doctor back home.11:07 AM Mar 4th from TwitterBerry

gee, I love getting to the doctor's office on time, only to wait an hour and a half in the waiting room and then have a 15 min exam!4:13 PM Mar 4th from web

In the waiting room while my mom visits her eye doctor. Surrounded by old people. Trigger zombie outbreak scenario.9:48 AM Mar 6th from mobile web

Time Change

I hate this time change.

Two Journeys

I’ve been writing this post for weeks, maybe months. I keep coming back to it, never publishing it. I’m not sure why.

Right now I am following the personal journeys of two doctors. One doctor is writing about her family of three learning how to be a family of four. Dr. Au just brought a new baby home and she makes me laugh out loud reading about things like poop. You know, “Mack had a poop today after which the only recourse I had was to just dump him straight into the bath. And then throw out all his clothes. And then move to a new house.” I love seeing a new blog post and can’t wait to read the next chapter, poop and all.

The other doctor writes about a family of five, who will inevitably have to learn how to live as a family of four. Dr. Smak and her husband write courageous blog posts about their four year old son, Henry, and his battle with cancer. I love seeing there’s a new post on their respective blogs, but I hold my breath, praying that when I open it, I will read a post about how Henry had another great day.

2/25/09 -- My heart is breaking tonight for Dr. Smak and her family...

Dr. Dino’s Secret Life

hehehe

Notice I didn’t use links in this post. I think everyone knows how to get to Dr. Dino’s place. And well, y’all probably all know how to get to YouPorn, too, even if you won’t admit it. Umm, you know, if that REALLY is a legitimate website.

P.S., if you’re wondering how my fluff of a blog could draw in over 200,000 visitors, I just made that number up when I opened my new Sitemeter account. Looks impressive, though, doesn’t it?

Medblog Valentine (yep, it's late)

I'm Rich Now

Not really. It was supposed to say $13 million. This would just pay off VISA. If I wasn't so lazy, I'd make a new picture.

Is is "wasn't so lazy"? or "weren't so lazy"? Neither?

If I were not so lazy, I'd make a new picture.

If I was not so lazy, I'd make a new picture.

I guess it would be easier just to find the website again and make a new picture.

Spilt Coffee

I read somewhere that the definition of crazy is doing the same thing over and over, but expecting different results. Call me crazy. Why do I keep believing that travel mugs are leak-proof? They aren’t. They never have been. They never will be. I’d write more but I have to go drain the coffee out of my satchel. No leak, my ass.

RTFC

The Wellsphere controversy made me think of something that happened when I first joined The Firm. I was just out of law school and things weren’t going well. I kept making the same mistakes.

I walked into a partner’s office and asked him a question. He didn't say anything. He just opened his desk drawer, took out a Sharpie, and wrote RTFC in big bold letters on a legal pad. Then he got up from his desk, walked to my office, taped the sign to my monitor, and walked out without saying a word.

It wasn’t pretty, but he made his point. I keep the sign in my desk drawer so that I’m always reminded to read the fucking contract.

Sunday

Work, and life in general, kicked my ass last week. I was going to write a post but I took all of these quizzes instead. Let's hope this week is better.

First Post of 2009

I’m back.

Being a non-medical blogger in a medblog world, and a confirmed lurker, I knew I’d never have a lot of visitors, so I never worried much about numbers. But when my Sitemeter numbers started showing 2-3 readers a day, I became concerned. Turns out, all I needed to do was install a new Sitemeter code and I was back up to my usual 15 visitors a day. (Thank you regular visitors; y’all are the best!)

After I wrote the post about jumping the shark, I received a few e-mails suggesting that I write more about work and my personal life.

I stopped writing about work because, when I first started blogging, I made the amateur mistake of accessing my blog at work and now I’m not 100% sure someone at work doesn’t read my blog. I’d feel more comfortable writing work-related posts if I knew the people I worked with weren’t reading my blog. But, I’m going to try to post more work related stories. It's not like they don't already know they are arrogant, exasperating asses.

I’m not real comfortable writing about my personal life because that’s just the way I am. Plus, in the beginning, I’d only write about the bf when I was pissed at him, prompting a few comments and e-mails about how I should dump the bum. My posts put a good man in a bad light, and that wasn’t fair to him. But I will try to post more personal stories, mainly about the similarities I see between the practice of law and the practice of medicine, and how occasionally reading the medblogs helps me deal with some of the issues that come up in my personal and professional life.

Now, that wasn't so hard, was it?

MonkeyGirl Gets Golden Rings

[Well, I guess this picture could explain why MonkeyGirl was a week late with her answers.]

On the fifth day of Christmas, your true love gave to you, five golden rings. Score! What did you have to do to get 5 golden rings?

I can't go into detail lest I push your blog rating into the NC-17 category. Let's just say that the discussions we have at the nurses' station at 3 am are all about how to get sparklies from our true loves, and it's enough to make the docs blush!

Q.1 When did you decide you wanted to be a nurse?

When I realized how long med school would take. I'm more of an instant gratification kind of girl.

Q.2 What’s the best part of your job? The worst?

Seriously, the best part of my job, hands down, is helping truly sick people. The worst part, without a doubt, is the not sick people with an overwhelming sense of entitlement that suck the ever-lovin' life outta me.

Q.3 Did you have another career before you became a nurse?

Aw, hell, nursing is a career? I mostly consider it a side job until I figure out what I want to be when I grow up. Or if I grow up. I used to manage a Taco Bell. Now that is a career! And the fringe benefits (ie: free food) were fantastic. Too bad I moved up one whole pants size every six months or so.....

Q.4 Is this really a true story?

A nurse caring for a woman from Kentucky asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. The nurse asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."

Not only is it a true story, but we are no longer allowed to use KY brand lubricant in our ER because the patients kept eating it. We now exclusively use "Quick-Lube Gel". Sounds like something you'd find at an oil change place.

Q.5 A lot of people get to my site after googling things like “hot nurses”. Y’all seem to have quite the reputation. Do patients ever hit on you?

Yup. All the time. Apparently, the drunker the psych patients are, the better looking I get. Rawr.
Q.6 When did you first hear the expression “nurses eat their young”?

The first day of nursing school. And every day thereafter. All I can say about that is..... mmmmmm. Young are tasty.

Q.7 What’s the most useless thing you have ever bought?

My husband's crazy ex-wife. Well, she's not paid for yet, we're still making payments, but she is indeed truly useless.

Q.8 If you could have a superpower, what would it be?

Invisibility. Dude, think of all the fun you could have. And the stuff you could steal, er, borrow. Besides, I'm better looking when you can't see me, anyway.

Q.9 Tell us about the most embarrassing thing that has happened to you on the job.

Somebody spilled a coke on a chair and I sat in it. Immediately after realizing my mistake (because my ass was soaking wet) we got an EMS call for a code. I had no time to go and change. By the time we called the code, my pants were dry, so I didn't think about it again. 4 hours later, as we were leaving, one of my "friends" pointed out that it looked like I had a major explosion of diarrhea in my pants, and had been walking around with it all night. It did. And I had. I wanted to die. They laughed at me for weeks.

Q.10 What food do you absolutely hate and will never eat?

Oysters. Aphrodesiac my ass. What's sexy about throwing up?

Q.11 What’s the name of one movie that you watch over and over?

Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Come to think of it, maybe that was when I decided to go to nursing school. "Heard that you were feeling ill, had a fever, and a chill...."

Q.12 For the most part, nurses and doctors don’t really bitch about each other in the medblogs. Is that because there is not that much to bitch about or are y’all just playing nice on your medblogs?

It's kind of an "us against them" thing as far as I'm concerned. Docs and nurses against the patients. Seriously, as much bitching as I do about stupid patients, do you really think I have time to bitch about the docs? Occasionally I'll work three or four shifts in a row with the one doc that I absolutely hate, and then I have a lot to bitch about, but frankly, I'm so worn out after working with him that I don't have the energy to bitch. And as far as the docs on the medblogs go, I only read the ones that I like, so I rarely feel the need to bitch at them, because I usually agree with them.

Q.13 What do your co-workers do that really irritate you?

Everything. Don't laugh. I'm not kidding.

Q.14 Tell me the craziest thing you have ever seen at one of those wild hospital Christmas parties I’m always hearing about.

Unfortunately, patient confidentiality laws apply here, because she did end up in the ER. But I can tell you that she was naked, there were broken bones, and cooking oil was involved.

Holiday Quickfire Questions.

Favorite…

a. reindeer - Comet, of course. He's the fastest.

b. cookie - Danish Butter Cookies. I can eat the whole tin.

c. carol - Feliz Navidad. Especially the part where you can hear "The Chicken Dance" in the background.

d. holiday television show - The Sound of Music. I'm not sure why it's a Christmas show. But it's on every year at Christmas time and I watch it every year.

e. activity - Eating holiday treats. As many as possible.

Thank you for being my fifth day of Christmas, MonkeyGirl.

Drummers for GuitarGirl, RN

On the twelfth day of Christmas, your true love gave to you, twelve drummers drummin.’ What are you going to call your band now?

There actually is a band called Twelve Drummers Drumming. It's a hideous German synth-pop band. Besides, my true love knows I would prefer guitars. Or even kazoos.

Q.1 When did you decide you wanted to be a nurse?

When I was in an emergency room getting my toe stitched up after breaking a glass-top patio table. The nurse was a very cool Gulf-War vet. We got to talking, and he said, "You're pretty smart! You should be a nurse!" and I said, "Okeydoke, sounds like a plan!" And then six months later I was in nursing school. My mom was thrilled: she's a nurse and a nursing educator.

Q.2 What’s the best part of your job? The worst?

The best part? Sticking people with needles. (You think I'm joking?) Actually, I love having the knowledge about how to make people feel better or make them not die, at least. I love leaving at the end of the night being able to say, "I did this and this and this today, and you know what? I did a good job." The worst part? The fatigue and burned-out feelings. Like after three 12-hour shifts in a row, my compassion muscle is just about worn out. It's like, "The next person who asks me for a pillow is going to get my foot up their ass. Oh, I'm sorry you're so sick. Uh, that's why you're in the hospital, jerkie!" (Please note that these are things I think--not say. Ok, well, maybe I say them under my breath.)

Q.3 Did you have another career before you became a nurse?

Yep, two. I was a musician/bartender type person for a long time, and I worked in publishing for a while too. I used to have an assistant and an office. Sometimes I miss having a door I can close...but then I remember the high stress level and the teeny tiny paycheck and I get over it.

Q.4 Is this really a true story?

A nurse caring for a woman from Kentucky asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. The nurse asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."

HA! I remember that story. I actually saw it on a bulletin board at nursing school; it was in an "anecdotes" column in a nursing magazine. I've never had a patient eat KY jelly, but you'd be astounded at the ways people misuse things. Once a patient's relative came out of the GYN room where her cousin was and asked me for more glycerin swabs to moisten her hyperdramatic cousin's dry lips. I was confused, because we don't usually have glycerin swabs in the ED; they're more of a "floor" type item. I asked to see the ones she was using and she pulled out one of our STD culture tubes--it's a plastic test tube thing with some gel that acts as a culture medium in the bottom; there's a long cotton swab attached to the screw top. You swab something with the Q-tip thingy and then put it in the medium and close the cap. I was kind of horrified. I really hoped she had been using new ones out of the cabinet; occasionally a doc will leave a specimen on the counter and then forget to come back for it.

Q.5 A lot of people get to my site after googling things like “hot nurses”. Y’all seem to have quite the reputation. Do patients ever hit on you?

Yes, but mostly they're homeless or prisoners, so it's not super flattering. One story is here: Once, as a student nurse, I was taking care of a young man who was a prisoner; he was in for a hernia surgery or something. I noticed that he was drawing on a pad, and I said (in my innocent student nurse way), "Hey, do you like to draw? Can I see your art?" Dumb move. The first picture was of a flower. Then I turned the page and the next page was of a woman with a large caboose being penetrated by a very large veiny wingwang, which matched the one that was now poking out of the sheets. I was like, "Oh, uh, thanks..." I guess prison guys have to draw their own porn.

Q.6 When did you first hear the expression “nurses eat their young”?

At some point in nursing school during some seminar about "The Future of Nursing" or some such.

Q.7 What’s the most useless thing you have ever bought?

Those sonic mouse-deterrent things. The mice were like, What is THAT? for about six minutes. Then they were back in full force. Out came the old-fashioned snap traps. No more mice.

Q.8 If you could have a superpower, what would it be?

I would love to be invisible. Actually, that's not true. I would love to speak a lot of languages--call me Polyglot Girl! I often wish that I could carry around an idiomatic knowledge of five languages at a time in my head--but I could swap them out as necessary. I could only have five at a time, but I would have the ability to speak any language at all! I know, weird superpower. But useful.

Q.9 Tell us about the most embarrassing thing that has happened to you on the job.

I walked around with poop smeared on my hip and didn't notice until it was dry. I kept smelling poop but couldn't figure out where it was coming from, until a tech said, "What's that on your---IS THAT POOP?!?" in front of like seven hundred people. They called me Shit Scrubs for a week.

Q.10 What food do you absolutely hate and will never eat?

Hm. I like a lot of foods, but I'm not a fan of cooked green leafy veggies. I hate broccoli, and if I HAVE to eat it, it HAS to be raw. Not a fan of spinach either. And I don't do organ meats. Wait, that's not true. I love a good pork terrine, and that has organs and snouts and tails and lips and all sorts of junk in it.

Q.11 What’s the name of one movie that you watch over and over?

Star Wars. Geek-o-RAMA! Sad, I know.

Q.12 For the most part, nurses and doctors don’t really bitch about each other in the medblogs. Is that because there is not that much to bitch about or are y’all just playing nice on your medblogs?

I don't know...I know I've complained about other nurses on my blog. But I think that there's SO much other stuff to bitch about that we just haven't got around to each other yet!

Q.13 What do your co-workers do that really irritate you?

I cannot abide selfishness and non-team-playerness. I do lunch reliefs when I first come in, and some people consistently come back so late from their breaks that either I don't get a break, or I can't relieve the person whose area I'm taking later on time. Sometimes I do afternoon breaks, and occasionally I'm the only one there, so everyone can only get 15 minutes. Except that there are two nurses (the kind that eat their young) who say, "Fifteen minutes? I'm taking a half-hour!" and they never come back, and then some other people don't get their afternoon break. That's just totally selfish and mean.

Q.14 Tell me the craziest thing you have ever seen at one of those wild hospital Christmas parties I’m always hearing about.

Believe it or not, I've NEVER been to an ED Christmas party! We have these huge blowouts, but for the last three years I've always been either working or unable to go for whatever reason. This year they're not having one because of the "economy." I have heard some crazy stories, too...people falling down, being found in closets, forgetting to be aware of their various body parts, etc etc. Maybe someday I'll go to one. I had a great time at the residents' graduation dinner/dance, but since parents are there, there's a lot less debauchery.

Holiday Quickfire Questions.

Favorite…

a. reindeer - Blitzen!

b. cookie - Pignoli cookie!

c. carol - "The Holly and the Ivy"

d. holiday television show - Any of those classic claymation ones. I love that little dentist elf dude, Herbie!

e. activity - Seeing friends and family at various gatherings!

Thank you for being my twelfth day of Christmas, GuitarGirl,RN.