You Know You're A Medblog Addict

Well, this is embarrassing. All of these are true.

You know you must be a medblog addict when:

You are planning a romantic weekend getaway to another state and wonder “If we were in an accident and had to be taken to the ER, would I see MonkeyGirl, ER Nursey, DisappearingJohn . . .?”

You blush and inappropriately laugh out loud in Court because you are reading one of TrenchDoc’s posts while you wait for your case to be called.

You hear something on the news and think “I wonder if Scalpel is going to blog about that?

You are in the mood to cook, but instead of looking in a cookbook or searching for a recipe online, you click on The Blog That Ate Manhattan.

Your secret crush on an ER doc changes from Dr. Kovak to Dr. X.

You look at the scar on your belly and think “If Dr. Schwab had done my chole, that scar would be about two inches shorter.”

You walk around the office all day wearing Diet Coke on the front of your blouse because you made the mistake of drinking while reading MDOD.

It’s 10:00 p.m., you’re at work, and all of your friends are pissed because you had to work late AGAIN and are missing ANOTHER celebration. Needing a break, you click on Doc’s Girl’s blog because you want to read a friendly voice.

You read that Charity Doc was on one of those ER shows on the Discovery Channel and ever since then, you have been trying to figure out which doctor is Charity.

And finally,

You feel a little down because another one of your favorite bloggers is calling it quits. I will miss you Amy at Hallway Four.

I Didn't Know Doctors Really Used Placebos

I should have one of those counters on my blog that reflects how many days I have gone without reading more than 1-2 medblogs a day, except the ones on Bloglines, which aren't as fun because I can't read the comments. A side effect of not reading the medblogs is that I write more, which explains the sudden appearance of more posts on my blog.

One of my favorite Andy Griffith episodes is the one where the new pharmacist (Andy asks her if Ph.G means pharmacy gal) won’t give a little old lady her “medicine” without a prescription. The medicine costs a dime and the lady goes downhill quickly when she can’t get it. Of course, it turns out it was only a sugar pill, the little old lady gets her medicine and everyone lives happily ever after (except for the pharmacy gal, I think Andy must have eventually dumped her for Helen Crump).

I’m supposed to be working tonight, but I stumbled onto this little article by accident and now I can’t let it go. I’ve heard of the “placebo effect” and I know placebos are used in drug studies. I don't doubt the power of a placebo, I was just surprised to learn that, according to this article, doctors really used placebos in the treatment of their patients.

1: J Gen Intern Med. 2008 Jan;23(1):7-10. Epub 2007 Nov 10
Academic physicians use placebos in clinical practice and believe in the mind-body connection.
Sherman R, Hickner J.
University of Chicago Pritzker
School of Medicine, Chicago, IL, USA.

BACKGROUND: The placebo and the placebo effect are often investigated in the context of clinical trials. Little data exist on the use of placebos in the course of routine health care. OBJECTIVE: The aim of this study is to describe a group of academic physicians' use of placebos and their knowledge, attitudes, and beliefs about placebos and the placebo effect. DESIGN: A 16-question anonymous web-based survey of physicians from Internal Medicine departments of 3 Chicago-area medical schools was used. RESULTS: There were 231/466 (50%) physicians who responded; of these, 45% reported they had used a placebo in clinical practice. The most common reasons for placebo use were to calm the patient and as supplemental treatment. Physicians did not widely agree on the definition of a placebo and had a variety of explanations for its mechanism of action. Ninety-six percent of the respondents believed that placebos can have therapeutic effects, and up to 40% of the physicians reported that placebos could benefit patients physiologically for certain health problems. Only 12% of the respondents said that placebo use in routine medical care should be categorically prohibited. Regarding "placebo-like" treatment, 48% of respondents reported giving at least 1 type of treatment in a situation where there was no evidence of clinical efficacy. CONCLUSION: Nearly half of the respondents use placebos in clinical practice and most believe in the mind-body connection. The results of this study, based on retrospective self-reported behavior, are subject to recall bias and may not be representative of American physicians. PMID: 17994270 [PubMed - in process].

I don't know, though. I think I would be pissed if I found out a doctor gave me a placebo, especially if I had to pay more than a dime for it. [What? No one asked me why I would be pissed, since I was "cured"? and, if I were cured, why would cost matter?] So now, instead of researching “lien stripping”, I want to research placebos. If physicians use placebos in their medical practices, then that must mean there is a placebo industry. Do the pharmaceutical companies manufacture placebo pills or does the pharmacist just go to the backroom and break open a box of TicTacs? Is there an official name (or better yet, a secret code name) for placebos, or does the doctor write “sugar pill” in Latin? How much do the pills cost? Or do doctors just hand them out as "samples." Do doctors ever openly admit to prescribing placebos or is this one of those deep dark doctor secrets? What do the medical schools teach about placebos? Can they use Splenda instead of sugar? Liability issues?

Dress Code

Since I've been working so much, I haven't had time to do much perusing of the medblogs. I guess that's why I keep coming up with these work related posts.

I had to go to Court in another federal district this week, so I checked out the Court's website to see if the Judge had any special rules or preferences. I learned that this is always a good idea since I would be the "outsider". His dress code is as follows:

All attorneys shall dress in appropriate business attire preserving an atmosphere of dignity and respect to the Court.

While no formal dress code exists, all persons entering the courtroom are to dress in a manner respectful to the Court. Attorneys are responsible for conveying the proper attire to their clients and staff members.

While I was on the website, I thought I would check out the rules and procedures for the other judge. Her dress code is as follows:

All persons present in the courtroom must dress and conduct themselves in a manner demonstrating respect for the Court.

COURTROOM DECORUM

All persons entering the Courtroom shall refrain from chewing gum, drinking, eating, smoking, wearing hats, or reading newspapers, books, etc. in the courtroom. Counsel shall turn off his/her cell phone and instruct all parties and witnesses to do the same. All counsel and parties are expected to stand at the lectern when addressing the court or examining a witness.

COURTROOM ATTIRE

Attorneys and their staff are required to wear standard business attire. Parties, witnesses and spectators shall dress appropriately and respectfully for the courtroom. No shorts, tank tops, midriff-baring or other revealing low-cut clothing, extremely short skirts, sunglasses, flip-flops, or hats shall be permitted in the courtroom. Counsel are responsible for ensuring compliance with these rules by their clients, party representatives, and witnesses. Counsel should contact the Court in advance if special accommodation is desired for a client, party representative, or witness. (emphasis added)

First, I thought it was interesting that she was so specific in her rules. Second, I thought that last sentence was funny, i.e, counsel should contact the court in advance to make special accommodations for a client that wants to wear a low cut tank top, extremely short skirt, and flip flops to Court.

I'm surprised she didn't mention perfume. I was in Court one time when the courtroom deputy stood up and announced (right after a woman left his desk) that the Judge doesn't allow any fragrances to be worn in her Courtroom. It doesn't really matter to me because I rarely wear perfume when I am working.

Wanted: Ethics

I am trying to complete my continuing legal education (CLE) requirements for 2007. I am doing it online. I actually registered to attend a "live" out-of-town seminar, but for the second straight year, something came up and it was decided that I shouldn't go. Yep, I am so important that I can't leave the freakin' premises for two days to attend a seminar. It's true, no one else around here can sit on their ass for hours on end researching crap like I can. And who else would they call on to attend a hearing at the last minute just because they "don't feel like going." But it's mighty nice of them to pay for the seminars anyway, even if I can't go.

We are required to rack up a certain number of CLE "ethics" hours. I had a hard time trying to find ethics hours in my area of practice, so I decided to be adventerous and look in the medical/health law sections. I saw some familiar names--HIPAA, EMTALA. Only one problem . . . none of the medical/health law seminars included ethics hours, so I had to settle for a nice seminar about legal malpractice. Only 3 more hours to go. This means I'm going to go home and listen to some old fart trial attorney talk about jury selection**. And then after he goes to bed, I'm going to find an online seminar so I can meet my CLE requirements.

[**For the record, I really do enjoy listening to him talk about his work.]

You See Possum; I See Cat

I swear it looked okay on my monitor. The fireworks were to the left of the post.

Look, y’all know I have no technical knowledge or skill when it comes to my blog, so I have a favor to ask. The next time I have some kind of weird ass layout with pictures covering the text of my posts, please leave a "WTF" in my comment section.

I realize that after my Christmas layout, when it looked like an elf exploded on my blog, it might be hard to tell the difference between intentional and mistake. I promise I won’t be offended if you leave a comment telling me I screwed up. I may write crap, but I would never intentionally cover it up.

Thank you and Happy New Year (without the fireworks).

Lawyer Joke Resolution

I've been told twice this year that "you must have gotten up on the wrong side of 2008." I don't even know what the hell that means, but I'm guessing these people think I've been a bitch for the last three days.

In an effort to improve my disposition, and avoid writing more posts wherein I call other bloggers "little shits," I have decided to start updating Lawyer Joke of the Day on a daily basis again (or whenever someone sends me a new joke).

credit: Charles Fincher

New Year, Same Me

I am going through another one of those identity crisis blogging phases. Don't know what to write or why anyone visits. blah blah blah. I did something different this time. I told that little voice inside me to shut the fuck up (as long as I'm just talking back to one of the voices, it's okay, right?) and I went back to read over some of my older posts. That led me to remember something I stumbled across when I needed to translate my questions to Russian for Dr.X on the MDOD calendar post. I'll bet you thought those weren't real Russian words.

Yeah, even I know you can translate anything to another language on the internet. But I learned you can also "convert English text to any of several comic dialects," including redneck, pig latin, moron, Elmer Fudd, etc.

I converted my blog description to Redneck (The Dialectizer):
It is as though someone has drilled peep holes into th' walls of emerjuncy rooms, operatin' rooms an' docko's' offices. ah cain't look away.

Ok, I'll admit it. It doesn't sound much different from the way I say it.

Here's part of Dr. Schwab's latest post Sampler in Redneck:

ah present a samplin' of whut this hyar blog has been about. Occashunal rant aside, it's been mah goal t'let varmints into th' operatin' room, an' into th' life an' thunks of a surgeon; t'share mah take on some surgical corndishuns, an' sometimes jest t'git a laugh.

Memo'able Patients: I've told sto'ies about varmints who made a trimenjus impresshun

har, (the dawgoned-est stool I've evah see in a belly)
har, (when mah partner got sick)
har, (she killed her caregivah, an' almost killed herse'f)
har, (thirteen years old, an' ah c'dn't save her)
har, (until th' end, she kepp brin'in' me grub)
har, (kidney kincer in his pancreas, an' he kepp on truckin')
har, (bleedin' so fast, ah c'd hear it)
har, (no stomach, kepp eatin' steak)
har, (breast-heart cornneckshun?)
an' hyar. (a screw-up in a great guy)

Here's part of Dr. Dino's The Wiseass on the Elevator via Smurf the Web:

Our local mall has two levels. Darling Spouse and I headed over there this afternoon to get a few gifts and enjoy some smurfy people-watching. Smurfilicious! At one point, we were on the bottom level and needed to go to the upper one; the most direct route was smurfily the elevator.

(well, just be thankful there was no mention of Itchy Smurf)

One more, in Pirate talk (The Voices of Many) from MDOD's The Naked, the Fat and the Dead:

Here’s some free advice: Don’t get so fuckin' fat that when ye die, yer family has t' deal with yer ginorm'us whale-carcass.

One o' me local pathology colleagues had a gastric bypass patient die today – he be 45 years old an' 780 pounds. I think his BMI be, like, a trillion! Avast!!

Listen, I be havin' nothin' against fat people. First o' all, fat chicks love t' be havin' sex, an' be good at it, because they be so grateful fer the attention! Avast!! Second, fat people get sick an' die m're often, which be great fer business. Third, an' most important, fat people be great t' make fun o'.

(I make it a policy not to criticize other people's posts on my blog, but Eto-whatever's post kinda pissed me off when I read it (and, no, you little E-shit, I'm not fat). However, I just finished off a pound of fudge in four days and now I plan on reading E's post every day until I lose the holiday weight. Although I did like that part about being good at sex...)

If you have some time to kill and want to play with your own blogs:

Smurf the Web
The Voices of Many
The Dialectizer

Dr. December is . . . GruntDoc

I saved GruntDoc for December because he reminds me of Santa Claus. It’s my blog, I don’t have to tell you why. This wasn’t the picture I originally chose for GruntDoc, but 10/10 called him Grandpa GruntDoc in Twas the Blog Before Christmas, so I needed something to get that image out of my head. Just because GruntDoc is the patriarch of medblogs, doesn't mean he can't be hot.

GruntDoc is one of the good guys and he is one of my favorites. His blog is full of interesting medical stories and posts about his family and his work. Plus, I love how he dresses up the title to his blog during the holidays. I only wish he’d write more essay-type posts, like his poignant “My Grandfathers’ Guns." (please)

Here’s my interview with GruntDoc:

Q.1 On one post, you wrote that according to LongtoLive, “I should die on Tuesday November 26, 2052 at 1:36:21 AM.”

What are you going to be doing on Monday, November 25, 2052, at 1:36:21 a.m.?

A: Changing my answers. [that’s no fair~MA]

Q.2 What was the last movie that you saw?

A: Cars. I really liked it. (Last night I watched Monty Python and the Holy Grail on DVD, which was terrific. BTW, it seems nearly 98% of ER docs can quote lines for the Grail, way more than other specialties. Seems to be another self-selection thing).

Q.3 MSN says one of the ten questions you are supposed to ask your doctor is “will you remove that wedding ring?” (Honest. Would I make this stuff up?) I’d like to use that line question sometime. If a patient asked you to remove your wedding ring because he/she was afraid it had germs, would you do it?

A: NO. I’ll glove up, but I’m not removing my ring. I do make quite a show of waling into the patient’s room applying my skin-disinfectant, which I think is plenty.

Q.4 Charity Doc left the ER and is setting up a free medical clinic. 911DOC is looking for a new job. Scalpel needed a change from his “vampire” schedule. You have a stressful job with crazy hours. How do you avoid the burnout factor?

A: Who says I've avoided it? Maybe I'm just a glutton for punishment, and the job is stressful, but I'll do it for a long time. I will say that how much stress you're willing to put up with has to do with your options; when I get closer to a retirement income I'll probably be less inclined to put up with some of the stresses.

Q.5 How did you and Mrs. GruntDoc meet?

A: She was the Assistant Lab Director where I got my BS and MS. We were engaged the summer before I started med school, with a plan to get married after I graduated. After the first 7 weeks, it was get married after the first two years. We got married New Years' Eve of my first year. Planning has always been one of my strong suits.

Q.6 When you posted the request for Match Day stories, you said “My Match Day story is a super-denouement, and is 14 years old, so I’ll not be adding it. For now.” After I looked up “denouement” in the dictionary, I thought that might make a good story. Can you tell us about it here or are you saving it for a post?

A: Eh. As Uncle paid for my med school, I was required to apply for a Navy Internship, which I got, and knew about well before all my colleagues matched. I was happy for them, and acutely aware our immediate futures would be different. Not bad, just different.

Q.7 What was the first job you ever had? Do you remember how you spent your first paycheck?

A: I was a dishwasher at Swenson's Ice Cream, for $3.10/hr (minimum wage). I have no recollection what I spent it on, but remember that I wasn't a very good employee.

Q.8 Do you have any pets?

A: One mutt cat. I've never had a dog, and a goldfish was the only other pet type I've had.

Q.9 I saw this question in a comment section and decided to steal it:

“How many true emergencies do you have on every shift of every day of every week? I think a lot of you would be out of work if you only had REAL emergencies come to the ER for treatment.”

A: The second part it true, but we'd be pretty darn happy with our jobs: it's the non-sick who can suck the joy out of the job.

Q.10 Three most favorite television shows of all time?

A: Star Trek reruns (Kirk and Spock), That 70's Show, and Scrubs.

Q.11 As part of my research (yes, research) on ER docs, I did a search on YouTube for “ER Docs” and found that quite a few people videotape their visits to the ER.

Has anyone ever asked you if they could videotape their experience with you?

A: I've had a lot of cellphone pics during suturing, nobody thought to ask if either I or the patient minded so far (it's always been friends of the patient doing it). I wouldn't like someone videotaping me on the job.

Q.12 How’s that “no coffee at work” thing going?

A: Better than I would have predicted. I can now focus better, my hand doesn't shake, and my BP is down. I smell coffee in the department, and curiously don't miss it much. I do have one cup in the morning, but that's it.

Q.13 When you shed your scrubs, what do you like to do for fun?

A: I read a lot of blogs, I spend time with my family, and I like to shoot at the range. It's my kind of personal entertainment: I have to focus, pay attention, and see how I'm doing immediately. I intend to get back on the bicycle when it warms up.

Q.14 Favorite cookie?

A: Peanut butter, with the fork crosshatches on the top.

Q.15 And what everyone wants to know, do you have any tattoos or piercings?

A: As I'm not a Pirate, I have no need for an earring. No tats, no piercings, just all me.

Q.16 I’m not going to ask you the usual scrub question. This time I want more information. Do you pay for your own scrubs? Do you have to wear a certain color? Do you always wear scrubs when you work? Do the bottoms always have to match the tops?

A: Scrubs are supplied, free, by the hospital, a reasonable light-blue color. We're not required to wear any particular color, but most of us just wear the ones supplied and washed by the hospital. I always wear scrubs, and a lab coat. As for wearing different color tops and bottoms, I'm not stylish enough to pull that off.

Thank you, GruntDoc, for being my Dr. December.

Hint for Dr. December

I once commented (on my own blog, of course, since I'm a lurker) that this doctor's readers never let him have any fun. He wrote a post about how a female patient winked at him, made him feel good, then he found out she was a drug rep. I thought it was a funny post, but all of the comments were so serious, talking about how dangerous it is when patients seem overly friendly. Hopefully, I will "expose" the fun side of Dr. December...but first I have to get him off that couch so he can finish answering his questions.

If you want to see the "rejected" Dr. December pics, head over to ATM-Two.

For some reason, I thought about Scalpel when I saw this picture:

Porn is Part of Medical School Curriculum?

I just found this ER doctor's site, where I read:

"At Wayne State University's School of Medicine, we were shown dozens of pornographic (OK, highly pornographic) films as part of the curriculum. The rationale for such an unusual academic inclusion, we were told, was so that we would not react in disgust or surprise if a patient revealed sexual proclivities that were, well, strange. By exposing us to every imaginable sexual practice, they hoped to desensitize us so that we could just deal with the medical issues, leaving judgment about such practices to God, or perhaps to Jerry Springer and his audience."

Is this a part of every medical school curriculum?

I still don't know what to think about Dr. Pezzi's site, other than it's "interesting". I wish I had more time to spend on it. Here are a few things to check out on Dr. Pezzi's site if you are in the mood for something different:

http://www.erbook.net/
All about emergency rooms and ER as a career (he pretty much says it sucks).

http://www.er-doctor.com/
Information for people contemplating a career in emergency medicine and other medical specialties (he pretty much says don't do it, it sucks)

You can read about love and lust in the ER here.

This is the best part. Dr. Pezzi provides a way for people to show their appreciation to ER docs:

>

Christmas Overboard

I know, it's starting to look like an elf threw up on my blog. I can't help it, I have Christmas fever.

I haven't seen the Holiday meme around yet, so I'm gonna post last year's list. (Okay, I haven't really had a chance to visit a lot of medblogs lately, so the Holiday meme might be out there, this is just one more opportunity for me to post Christmas stuff.)

Dr. Rob
IslandMedStudent
Dr. Couz
Shadowfax
Dr. Dino
AmbivalentMSILF
Kim at Emergiblog
GruntDoc
Scalpel
Dr.A
Shinga
ThatMedSchoolGuy
Small Town Nurse
Dr. Wes
Stethoscopes and Diapers
Dr. Gwenn
Shrink Rap

Hey! There is a new Christmas meme out there. Well, new to me since I haven't been out in the medblog world lately.

WhiteCoatRants

MonkeyGirl

Seaspray







ONE LAST CHRISTMAS THING -- THE BACHELOR -- SANTA EDITION

Crackmuffin.com
Funny Video From CrackMuffin.com

So Much Cooler Online

I don’t know if y’all know this, but in my mind, y’all are all good-looking. Men, women, young, old, whatever. Why would I picture someone ugly in my head when I’m reading your medblogs, when it’s just as easy to picture someone hot? And male. It's not just me, though. I know there are a few others out there who are always crushing on one or more of the medblog docs. (I was going to link y'all, but damn, you ER nurses are intimidating.)

Every time I hear this Brad Paisley song, I think of my blog. Yes, I like country music and I'm not apologizing. For you bloggers that can't stomach country, you still might find this video kinda funny. Jason Alexander is in it, and William Shatner, and Marcia Brady, and George's mom from Seinfeld.



Okay, this is my last post with a video, quiz, etc. I am actually going to try to write something this week.

And yes, I know this video has been out for months; I am just now getting around to writing about it.

Another Quiz

61%How Addicted to Blogging Are You?

I'm fairly confident that 99% of y'all have already played around with this quiz, but I like it.

The house is decorated, inside and out, so now it is time to decorate the blog. I plan on getting technical and messing around with the "code", so if you don't see my blog again, it was nice knowing y'all.

Don't Hurt Me, I Don't Do MedMal

I've been reading more lawyer bashing**. This time they were joking about lawyers who make sure their doctors know they don't do med mal. I have to admit, I do it, and not just with doctors and med mal.

When I was in law school, I was pulled over for speeding (ok, it was really kinda, halfway, sorta like, racing) on the freeway. It was late at night and the officer kept shining his flashlight in my face the whole time he was asking me questions (like did I know I was engaging in a dangerous activity). After a few minutes, I realized he was distracting me while his partner was peering into the windows on the passenger side of my car. He came around the car and asked me if I was in law school (no shit Sherlock; my passenger and back seats were covered with my textbooks). I was scared, and I saw the looks they gave each other, so I blurted out, “Yes, but I’m going to be a good lawyer, I hate criminals.” Fortunately, they laughed and just let me go with a stern warning.

I feel the need to defend my chosen profession, so I am going to post this item from the state medical board’s website about the disciplinary action taken against a doctor, just as a reminder that there are some interesting apples in every profession:

On April 13, 2007, the Board and Dr. ________ entered into an Agreed Order requiring that he complete additional continuing medical education in the area of ethics over two years, and assessing an administrative penalty of $1,000. The action was based on allegations that Dr. ________, because of a hole in his pants and because he routinely does not wear underwear, unintentionally exposed his genitals to a patient and her daughter while examining the patient.

I normally don't frequent the state medical board’s website, I was just doing a little research for a series of posts I have planned. But I have to say, it makes for some interesting reading.

12-1-07; 12:20

**Ok, ok. I exaggerated. It was good-natured joking in GruntDoc's comment section. But I needed something to justify including the underwearless doctor story in my post. And I think I more than made up for it by telling y’all about the stupid thing I said to the officers~MA

Dr. November -- Not

No excuses. I screwed up. Dr. November 2007 will not appear until sometime next year. But he will appear.

And yes, JMB, there is a Santa Doc.

Video Tuesday -- Spiders On Drugs

I really am planning on writing something soon, this is just to stall for time. Plus, I think it's kinda medical. Be sure to watch the whole video.

Nosy Thanksgiving Questions

Thanksgiving is my favorite “eating” holiday. And I’m nosy. I want to know what y’all are eating for Thanksgiving. Favorite dish? Your specialty dish?

I will go first. My favorite dish is dressing…cornbread, of course. My cooking skills aren’t exactly what you’d call consistent, so when I’m asked to bring something, I always opt for the relish plate and crudités. Now just wait before you start writing that comment about me taking the easy job. I personally wash and cut up each vegetable, create the presentation on the platter, and make the dips. More importantly, I make vegetable animals. My radish mice are famous. When I was looking for a picture to post, I came across these instructions. I make the squash duck too, but the mice always get the most attention. The mice in this picture are cute, but mine are cuter, plus mine have eyes (at least until someone removes the eyes from three of the mice and starts singing).

I Forgot

Rats! I forgot to post something yesterday. I will probably get a citation from the NaBloPoMo police. I will post twice today to make up for it. Or I guess I could just go under "Post Options" and change the post date and time to reflect I posted this yesterday. Yeah, that would work.

The Blog Readability Test

What Level of Education is Required to Understand Your Blog?

I got no problem with that.

Well, now that I think about it, maybe I'm speaking too soon. The last time I took one of these tests, I became obsessed with increasing my blog rating. At first I wasn't bothered by my PG rating, but then it started eating away at me. I played it over and over in my head...you're only rated PG...you're only rated PG. So I tried to spice things up and boost my rating. My second try was only worth a PG-13 rating. I wanted to quit, but I was urged on by my blogging pals to try again. I added another paragraph, upping the sex and violence, and I finally scored an "R" rating. What a sense of accomplishment.

So I have a choice: Do I want to write a bunch of intellectual crap and try to boost my readability score? Or do I want to go watch a South Park rerun? Hmmm...



***BTW, when I said "Do I want to write a bunch of intellectual crap", I really meant, do I want to try to think of a subject I could Google that would lead to sites containing a shitload of big words, then cut and paste that content onto my blog.

Hang Up the Damn Phone and Flush!

Sorry for today’s subject matter, but this just pisses me off. Our firm shares a floor with another law firm and there is a common “Ladies Room” used by both firms. About three weeks ago, I and the other girls in our firm noticed that every time we went into the Ladies Room, there was an unflushed toilet. That’s just gross and we were wondering what kind of person would do something like that. We knew it had to be someone from the Other firm.

So today I was in the Ladies Room and heard someone come in. She was talking on her cell phone and she continued her conversation during the entire time she was doing her business. I was at the sink washing my hands when I saw her walk out of the stall WITHOUT flushing. The bitch didn’t want to interrupt her phone call by flushing the commode. She started walking toward the exit door because, of course, she couldn’t put the phone down long enough to wash her hands. All I had to do was turn around and give her a look and she immediately told the party on the phone “Bye” and returned to the stall and flushed. She had actually looked embarrassed and didn’t come out of the stall, so I think she was waiting for me to leave.

We’re hoping this will be the end of the “flushing” situation in the Ladies Room. Maybe I’m just overreacting, but that has to be one of the most inconsiderate things a person can do at the place where she works. Well, maybe her sticking that unwashed paw into the community candy bowl is a close second.

A Post A Day

Since I haven’t been able to read the medblogs in a while, I didn’t realize that November was designated NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month). The rules seem simple enough:

“Post every day for the month of November. That's all you have to do.”

I’ve decided that even though I’m already twelve days behind, I am going to do it. A post a day for the rest of November.

I know, I know. How can I write a post a day when I can’t even update “Lawyer Joke of the Day” on a regular basis? I like a challenge. Plus, no one said it had to be a good post, it just has to be a post. And it’s not like the blogging police will throw my ass in jail if I miss a day. At least I don’t think they will. I didn’t actually read all of the NaBloPoMo instructions. I’ll explain why in tomorrow’s post.

Rudy Guiliani's Push To Save America

This is about as political as I will ever get on this blog.


Sorry, I can't give credit for the photo. I received it in an e-mail.

Another Timekiller

I can't stop playing with this.








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Dr. October is . . . MDOD Part Two

911DOC

Q.1 Do I really have to call it the ED? I don’t like the negative connotations ED raises.

A.1 bad habit of which you have just disabused me. i had an attending physician in residency who would nearly pop a blood vessel in his brain if someone called it the "emergency room". his point being that we are really a department and not a 'room'. whatever. most of us who work in the ER suffer from ED. [What a way to kill a fantasy~MA]


Q.2: If MDOD were a boy band, who would be the bad boy? the heartthrob? the gay one? the shy one? the one who can't dance?

A.2 i think ETOTHEIPI, 'cat, and I could compete for the bad boy and heartthrob moniker especially looking at our picture, we are dead sexy no? since erdoc85 is new to the 'band' i will have to reserve judgement. (DRX refused to be in the photo). Oldfart is not so much shy as just grumpy. he's more like eeyore. DRX definitely cannot dance (nor can most of us) and he might come across as shy but that's just his barely concealed anti-social psychosis. none of us can sing or we would have a band and suffer only from hangovers and the clap.

Q.3 We read all the time on the medblogs about what sucks about practicing emergency medicine, tell us what is rewarding about being an emergency medicine physician.

A.3 there is a lot that is rewarding. i do try to write about this stuff when it happens but i guess i have fallen into the trap that traditional newspapers do which is that the good stuff does make me reflect and does give me warm fuzzies but somehow does not spark the writing impulse. the things they tell you in med school that ARE actually good about emergency medicine are the obvious: no beeper, no call, no clinic, and mobility. ironically, many of those things cut both ways. after years doing this the big saves matter a lot, making a difference in an instant IS gratifying, but the thanks from a worried mom or the "hey doc, you don't remember me but you took care of me three months ago..." meeting in the supermarket are just as good.

Shrodinger’s Cat

Q.1 Sorry, but I have to ask. Is the cat dead OR alive or dead AND alive before we open the box to check?

A.1 The CAT, which is me, was and is obviously alive, however it will not be the vial of poison that will kill me; I die slowly inside with every 3:00 am toothache. This is not a paradox, but a sad reality. I will soon be starting a SAVE THE CAT fund, to which all can contribute. All contributions will be matched and multiplied by the Hamiltonian operator.

Q.2 Tell us an embarrassing story about your residency.

A.2 As for me, I visited a friend in another state and after imbibing many screwdrivers, decided it would be a good idea to shave my head. Returning to the ED that next Monday brought many stares and snickers, and the attendings thought I had lost my mind. As for patients, two come to mind. Undressing a 55 year old "normal" appearing gentleman after an MVA only to find a silk victoria's secret thong left a lasting impression. Also, interviewing a crazy lady while she left a steaming pile of shit in the middle of the floor was another time I won't forget, but I wasn't embarrassed. The CAT remained calm and collected throughout residency.

Q.3 Favorite:

Swear word- bullshit or mother-scratcher
Ice cream- chocolate
Vice president-George Clinton because he was a P-funk all star and is no relation to Bill
Love song- Endless Love
State- tie -Arkansas and Utah

Etotheipi

Q.1 OMG –you not only see dead people, you touch dead people, then you cut them up into little pieces. Maybe I'm thinking about something else. What exactly do you do? Describe your typical workday.

A.1 I look through a microscope for about 6 hours a day. This allows me to:
1. avoid human contact; 2. not talk to patients; 3. shun interpersonal interaction.

Basically, I make all the tissue, blood, fluid etc. diagnoses in the hospital, write them down, then go home and turn off my pager. Sometimes I cut up dead people. I love my job.

Q.2: What's your guilty pleasure?

A.2 Masturbating with a Kermit the Frog puppet.

Dr.X

[These are the only questions I know how to ask in Russian--MA]

Q.1 âû õîòèòå êóïèòü ìåí& ïèòüåì? (Do you want to buy me a drink?)

A.1 What is the cost?

Q.2: âû õîòèòå come up ê ìîåé êîìíàòå? (Do you want to come up to my room?)

A.2 Are there any hidden listening devices or cameras there?

Q.3 âîë&, êîòîð âû íîñèòå ýòè scrubs? (Will you wear these scrubs?)

A.3 Da, I mean 'yes', after my food-taster/bodyguard has had a chance to inspect and clean them.

Q.4 òî áûëà ïîòåõà. ìîæåì ìû äåëàåì åãî ñíîâà? (That was fun. Can we do it again?)

A.4 I cannot commit to such a proposal but there is a strong likelihood that we can, at a time and place of my choosing.

Old Fart

Q.1 Old farts usually like to give advice. What is the best piece of advice you can give a young doctor?

A.1 stop now! find a new job...

Q.2 I find it interesting that you love to hunt and that you really wish you were a veterinarian. If you were a vet, after you shot the creature, wouldn’t your first instinct be to run over and see if you could save it?

A.2 I don't generally shoot dogs, horses, etc...

Q.3 Tell us about the good old days. Best changes? Worst changes?

A.3 a) CT Scanners; b) government

erdoc85

Q.1 So, what's the 85 stand for? Wouldn't erdoc69 be more fun?

A.1 '85 is the year I graduated from college. It's also the year I got married, but mostly I celebrate the former. erdoc69 WOULD definitely be more fun, but wouldn't get much done. Besides, when the doc leans close to listen to your heart, wouldn't you rather smell coffee breath than fish-face?

Q.2 Tell us your funniest "foreign object" story.

A.2 Hands down, this was the 82 year old with an antique porcelain door knob up her vagina. She "slipped on some newspapers". She waited 3 months to come and be seen (I'm safe in assuming no one else was paying a visit to "the creepy old dry cave"). I have photos and xrays to illustrate this one (patient name redacted). After I removed the object...she wanted to tell me this object's history! Like I said, it was an antique. >[10/27/07 -- I apologize to the visitor who arrived here by searching for "antique porcelain door knob cleaner". I don't think this is what they had in mind. Well, it is the Internet, so maybe it was. MA]

Q.3 We don't know that much about you. What kind of car do you drive? What color is your hair? Are you a glass half full or half empty kind of guy? How much money is in your wallet right now? Lefty or righty? Favorite fast food? Do you own a hat?

A.3 In order...Chevy Tahoe, brown hair, ONLY half-full (cautious optimist), $150, righty, Whataburger (they are the only 24 hour restaurant on my drive home), lots of hats--all baseball caps though I seldom wear any of them.

Thank you MDOD docs!

Dr. October is ...MDOD

When I started the Calendar Doc series, I knew the MDOD docs were going to be Drs. October-Halloween Edition. I’ve always thought the MDOD site was SPOOKY. The dark background, the dark stories, the dark humor. Before they hit the big time, it was like visiting a deserted ghost blog. I never saw comments from the MDOD docs on other blogs, and there were never comments from outsiders on MDOD. When I wanted to link the Throckmorton post, I asked for 911DOC’s permission because I was afraid to send my 15 readers over there unannounced.

The MDOD doctors are "different." They post interesting stories about their work and, in their comment section, make frequent references to masturbation, exhibit homoerotic tendencies toward one another, and call each other lewd and lascivious names, which makes MDOD one of my favorite medblogs. I have to admit, though, more than once when I was reading their responses to my questions, I would think “that boy just ain’t right.”

Here is Part One of the interview:

Q.1 I think at least one of y'all is a girl. Am I right?

911DOC: no, we are all genetically XY though given the recent coming to prominence of the transgender movement one of our number may not exactly identify himself as 'male'. i'm not saying who it is but if you ever played 'one of these things is not like the others' on sesame street you can figure it out pretty quickly.

Etotheipi: Don't be stupid. Girls are too yucky to write such brilliant socio-politico-medical commentary. Boys rule! [censored-sorry, but I don’t want no trouble from the authorities (or hits from those kinds of perverts). I haven’t had my law license very long, I don’t want to lose it over your penchant for ***** **** MA]

Oldfart: Doubt it

Q.2 How much money have y'all made off those Google ads on your blog?

911DOC: right now the counters are ticking so fast that i should have my kid's college education paid for before Al Gore's apocalypse.

Etotheipi: Ask 911… and then tell him to give me some of it.

Oldfart: I ain't seen no $$!

Q.3 Any tattoos? Piercings?

911DOC: not yet. considering either a puking skull on my left arm or a still-life of flowers or something.

Shrodinger’s Cat: 1 tattoo [he didn’t say where or what, and there's no way I'm gonna ask, so just assume the worst-MA]

Etotheipi: If I did, they would all be on my genitals.

Oldfart: Nope x 2

Q.4 Write a dirty haiku for me.

911DOC:
men can not find it
is it fact or friction-y
the graffenberg spot

Shrodinger’s Cat:
Looking in your eye
Dingleberries everywhere
Your stinking brown eye

Etotheipi:
I've been a bad boy.
My sister's still a virgin
But not anally.

Oldfart: what the fuck is a "haiku"?!

Q.5 Do one of y'all work with a monkey?

911DOC: see

10/18 post. DRX and erdoc85 have some experience in that department. schrodinger's cat had an organ grinder act many years ago but lost the monkey on a bet so had to become a doctor.

Shrodinger’s Cat: no monkeys

Etotheipi: This better not be some racist question because I'm 1/32nd Kickasquaw.

Oldfart: No, but I trained a few!! Damn fine doctors they are..

Q.6 Why do doctors look hot in scrubs but dentists don't?

911DOC: good question. i have a suspicion that it has to do with the fact that you know they are dentists and that if you had a heart attack in their chair that they would call the ambulance to come and get you. perhaps it's the same kind of thing as wearing a band uniform or a USMC uniform? all that being said, i would be much happier as a dentist.

Shrodinger’s Cat: I look great in my scrubs because I work out, eat right, and wear no underwear.

Etotheipi: Because of our oversize genitals (especially the large vaginaed women).

Oldfart: Cause we are

Q.7 And of course, what color scrubs do you wear?

911DOC: black usually though a reddish top i used to have has now faded to pink. i love it.

Shrodinger’s Cat: Maroon scrubs

Etotheipi: Heliotrope and puce.

Oldfart: Blue

In Part Two, the MDOD doctors will answer more questions. I just have to do a little more legal research on some of their answers. That boy just ain't right.


Picture: MDOD doctors less Dr. X and erdoc85. Don't worry, doctors that don't cooperate get "special" candid pics posted, so look for pictures of Dr. X and erdoc85 pictures in Part Two.

PART TWO is here.

Request for Match Day Stories

Ms. Jones asked me if I would post her request for Match Day stories. Of course I told her yes. But I also suggested that if she wanted to reach more than 15 people, she needed to contact someone like GruntDoc or KevinMD. It sounds great. I would love reading stories about Match Day.

Proto magazine is looking for short, exciting Match Day stories from doctors who participated last year or just remember like it was yesterday. How were you affected by the tension of the moment? Did you faint with relief (or disappointment) upon opening your envelope? Did another student’s reaction catch your eye and make you think?

If you didn’t match, were you lost in “the scramble?”

Please send your stories to Carrie Jones at carrie_jones @ timeinc.com and include your full name and contact information with your submission. If we like your story, we may need to contact you for a brief follow-up. If you’d rather remain anonymous, we can withhold your name for publication.

Thanks!

Calendar Doc Tomorrow! Let's just say it's going to be a "different" kind of interview.

Memeing My Own Business

It's late, I'm tired, that's the best title I can come up with. I was tagged by 911DOC on that 8 random things meme. I've already done it twice, but I think I read somewhere that if the tagged people didn't participate, 911DOC would have 7 years of bad luck and/or his dick would fall off. I don't want either one of those things hanging over my head, so I'm going to play. Listing 8 more personal things about myself would require me to open up the "crazy" files, and I don't want to do that, so I am doing an 8 random things about the Calendar Doc series. What a coincidence, since I just e-mailed the questions over to Drs. October and I can use this post to give y'all a hint.

First, my blogging pal Amanda can't think of anything to write about so she has requested that she be meme'd. I still have a few memes left over from when she insulted me by questioning my womanhood, so I am happy to oblige. Since it's more than a few questions, I am going to send you over to Addicted to Medblogs Two for the memes. Be sure and let me know if you participate, so I can link it here. I know my 15 readers would like to see your answers.

Eight Random Things About the Calendar Docs

1. It takes me longer to write the questions than it takes the doctors to answer the questions.

2. The doctors don't get to see their picture before I post the interview. Except for Drs. October, who submitted their own picture. (Something about not trusting me with a camera after talking to Scalpel.)

3. I joke about being afraid to e-mail the docs, but its true that I am shy and the first e-mail is always the hardest to send.

4. When I started the series, I knew immediately who the first 6 doctors would be. I also knew exactly who I wanted for Dr. June, Drs. October and Dr. December. I already have Dr. December's picture. hehehe

5. My original idea was to make up both the questions and the answers, using information from the doc's blog. I couldn't do that with Trenchdoc because he no longer had a blog, so I asked him if he would mind answering some questions. It worked out so well that I decided to scrap my original idea and make it a real interview.

6. Hint for Drs. October.

7. Come on, do you really need a hint?

8. I hope that this counts as 8 random things, otherwise, 911DOC is going to have a problem.

I Like Free Stuff (Or, I'm Playing With My New Printer Again)

I love shopping at the mall, but I don't go very often because it usually means trouble. I lose all track of time and get way behind schedule. I've had to wrap gifts in the car on the way to parties more than once, which for some reason really annoys the hell out of BF. Yes, I know stores will wrap gifts, but I am semi-famous among my family and friends for my unique and festive gift wrapping abilities, so I like to do it myself, even if I have to do it cramped in the car.

The mall is also a good place to get free stuff. There's nothing I like more than getting free stuff. I've been known to buy stuff I don't need or want, just to get the free stuff (usually more stuff I don't need or want--but it's free). My strategy is simple, I just act interested, and I may get a few free samples of cosmetics, perfume, etc. You know, fun stuff.

So I was at the mall, heading for Sephora, because I wanted to see if they had the lip plumper that I saw on an infomercial. Hey, don't laugh, it has the Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval, so it must work. Anyway, on my way there, I saw the L'Occitane store and decided to go in there and see what rich people smell like.

Sales Guy saw me walk in and immediately asked me if I wanted to put all my smaller bags in two larger bags. Well, sure I do. I love those free shopping bags. I'm in a closet and drawer cleaning frenzy right now and those bags come in handy for carting stuff to the Women's Center. But I don't think he was necessarily trying to be helpful, he just recognized I was an accident waiting to happen and he didn't want to be cleaning up stuff I knocked over with my bags. (BTW, I also walked through two department stores where I know they will ask if they can put your stuff in their bags when they see you carrying a competitor's shopping bag. I walked out of the mall with 8 large bags and 6 smaller bags. Free stuff that I can actually use.)

Sales Guy was very nice, and after I told him I wasn't going to buy anything, I just came in to smell, he took me on a tour of the place.

As I was leaving, Sales Guy asked me if I wanted some free samples. For some reason, I told him no thanks, and I turned to leave. He refused to let me leave without free samples and filled a small shopping bag with all of these goodies:

So now, I'm thinking my new strategy will be to refuse samples, and maybe I will get even more free stuff.

Okay, I realize this isn't a particularly interesting post, but it did serve a purpose. It gave me a chance to see what other tricks my new printer can perform. I learned that I can pile a bunch of crap on top of my printer, press a button, and Voila! I have a picture for my blog. I know, I know, any fifth grader already knows this. The only complaint I have is, the picture isn't big enough to illustrate how many goodies I actually walked away with.

The July Syndrome

This is a page from my SiteMeter stats. Note the Visitor's Time and the Search Words.

I had always heard that you shouldn't go to the hospital in July because that is when the new doctors start. Being a non-medical type, my warped medblog addicted mind immediately figured this must be a new intern. It was his first day, he was asked to do something, and the patient wouldn't cooperate and refused to pull his pants down. Now, the new intern probably didn't want to be forever known as the doctor who couldn't get a patient to drop his pants, so he snuck off and Googled it.

I know, this would have been funnier and more appropriate if I had posted it on July 2nd. That's been the theme of my life lately--a day late and a dollar short. I could tell y'all that I was busy working, but the truth is, I couldn't figure out how the hell to get the SiteMeter page onto my blog. I am technically challenged.

But now I have a fancy new printer. I probably made it infinitely more complex than it should have been, but I managed to not only get the page to show up on my computer, I have added red circles!

So what if it is two months late? BFD. It's still funny.

Well, kinda funny.

Ok, so it's not funny anymore, but who cares? I put red circles on it and posted it on my damn blog.

No telling what y'all are gonna see on my blog in the future.

Just in case another intern has this same problem next year, is there anything you can do when the patient won't pull his pants down?

A Kernel of Corn ~ The End

I wish I could say that things ended well. The treatments were tough on Nicole. She joked that she thought Elizabeth was going to grow up thinking all mommies came home and took their hair off. Nicole fought a good fight but eventually decided it was time to stop fighting. I was surprised at how many people would criticize that decision. Really, I guess I was surprised that anyone would think they had the right to question her decision.

I said goodbye to Nicole in June. She assured me that she wasn't in pain and she wasn't scared.

I cried silent tears the entire trip home. I know everyone who saw me that day at the airport and on the plane thought I was crazy.

As soon as I got home, I started writing a letter to Elizabeth, telling her everything I could remember about her mother during those college years. I told her every single thing we did, no matter how irrelevant or inconsequential it was. At first, I thought that I would give the letter to Elizabeth when she went away to college, but now I'm not so sure. Maybe it's something she will want to read when she is thirteen or fourteen. I guess it doesn't matter right now, I still have a few years to decide.

The call came in September. Nicole had died at home, in her own bed, with Mark by her side. Just like she wanted.

I will be carrying a locket with pictures of Nicole and Elizabeth when I am running in the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure this month. And Nicole will be looking down laughing at me because she knows how much I hate to run, especially in the morning.

A Kernel of Corn ~ The Middle

This is harder than I thought it was going to be. Long story short, Nicole’s life went on according to her master schedule. She met the man of her dreams during the summer between our junior and senior years. Mark was six years older than Nicole, tall, blond, and handsome. He gave her an engagement ring for Christmas, and Nic and I spent the last semester of our senior year planning and preparing for her wedding.

After the wedding, I went back to my hometown and Nicole and I kept in touch. She must have been made for marriage because she said the hardest part about it was trying to come up with ideas for dinner every night. Nicole decided to accelerate her master life plan and, about a year after she married Mark, Nicole gave birth to the beautiful Elizabeth. I went to visit Nicole when Elizabeth was three months old. I was afraid to hold her, but Nic sat me on the couch and put Elizabeth in my arms. Once Elizabeth realized I wasn’t a source for dinner, she put her head down and fell asleep. I can still remember everything about that night, the feel of Elizabeth’s weight on my chest, her soft breathing, and that baby smell. I was afraid to move because I didn’t want Elizabeth to wake up and be taken away from me.

A few months after my visit, Nicole called and told me she had found a lump in her breast while feeding Elizabeth. She made an appointment to see her doctor, but she wasn’t really worried because everyone said she was way too young to have cancer. I asked Nicole how big the lump was, and she said "the size of a kernel of corn."

A Kernel of Corn ~ The Beginning

This is one of those times when I wish I were a writer. I've been sitting here for hours trying to write about my best friend/college roommate but I'm frustrated because I just can't seem to put the right words together to express how much I admire her, or to illustrate her beauty, courage and spirit. Nevertheless, over the next few days, I am going to write about my friend Nicole.

We were nineteen when we met, the first day of our sophomore year in college. Nicole and I had a lot in common and we became fast friends. We shared a townhouse during our junior and senior years. Those three college years with Nic were full of Lucy and Ethel adventures and misadventures and I loved every fun, crazy minute.

Nicole was tall and beautiful and would turn heads when she entered a room. She was also one of the nicest people I have ever met. In the entire time I knew her, I never once heard her say anything nasty about anyone. But she wasn’t nice in that overly sweet, annoying way. She was just confident and easygoing. Nicole was religious, but not judgmental. She lived her life the way she needed to but accepted people as they were. Nicole would get up every Sunday morning and go to church, no matter how late we had stayed out the night before. I always thought it was funny because Nicole went to church on her own volition. I slept in every Sunday because my parents weren’t around to make me get up and go to church.

Nic wasn’t perfect. We had the largest collection of stolen bar glasses in town. I can’t remember ever leaving an establishment without hearing the sound of clinking glasses in Nicole’s purse. She (with three unnamed accomplices) once left a banquet with two complete place settings stashed away. It was a dinner for the football team; very festive and pretty. And yes, everything was lifted before dinner; Nic wasn’t about to ruin a good purse. Plus, our boyfriends at the time drew the line at sneaking out dirty dishes for us.

Nic had a stalker during our senior year. He eventually stole a load of MY clothes out of the dryer and nailed a pair of MY panties to our door with an obscene note to Nicole. It didn’t take long to figure out it was the weird neighbor who came over to introduce himself wearing nothing but his Speedo's in 30 degree weather. We heard his parents spent all night packing his stuff up so he could be gone by the next morning. I teased Nic for years about how she owed me new towels and underwear because of her bad choice in stalkers.

Being best friends, Nicole and I talked about everything. While we were alike in a lot of ways, we didn’t share the same hopes and dreams. I wanted a career with no concrete plans, no boundaries, no fences. Marriage before age thirty wasn’t an option for me. Nicole, on the other hand, had her life mapped out. According to her master plan, she would graduate, get married, work for a year, have her first child, then spend the next twenty years being a wife and mother. There was never any doubt in her mind that this would happen, in that order, and according to her schedule.

Law School Musical

Not a day goes by that I don't get a few hits from people searching for information on the LSAT or law school. I hate for people to walk away disappointed, so this is for all of you wannabe lawyers (or for you people who just want to confirm you made the right decision by not going to law school).

Dr. September is . . . Scalpel

Scalpel or Sword is one of my favorite medblogs. How could it not be? It's full of great ER stories, with an occasional recipe and cat picture thrown in. It's like Scalpel created my fantasy medblog. I became an instant Scalpel fan after reading "Veggie Tales".

Here is our interview:

Q1: How long had you been reading the medblogs before you started Scalpel or Sword? Is this your first blog?

A: About a year or so. GruntDoc was the first medblog I ever read, and I surfed round from his blogroll for a while. This is my first and only blog.

Q2: How would your co-workers describe you?

A: Cool.

Q3: I’ve already decided that if I ever end up in the ER, I’m going to call everyone Scalpel, just in case it happens to be your ER. I don't want to blow your cover, so do you want to give me a code word or phrase that you will use to let me know I stumbled onto the real Scalpel?

A: If you call me Scalpel, I'll reply "well I'm definitely not Movin' Meat."

Q4: So, what do you have against boobs?

A: I'm actually a huge fan. But if a woman thinks I'm looking at her breasts, I'm probably just evaluating her respiratory effort. Observing the chest is an important part of the ABCs. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Q5: You once wrote “I have met professional athletes and multimillionaire CEOs who travel by helicopter, and some local and national political figures and TV newscasters.”

I know you can’t give us any names, but how about providing us with the initials of three or four of these famous people. And maybe tell us what was wrong with them. You don’t have to be specific, just say STD but don’t reveal which one. It’s ok. I only have 15 readers and we’ll never tell.

A: Initials, eh? Alright: M.E., K.L., T.F., R.C., C.C. They just had normal ER stuff: SVT, musculoskeletal injury, syncope, abdominal pain, pneumonia. We're all the same inside. My strangest "celebrity encounter" was this crazy long-haired tattooed guy who claimed he was the guitar player for a famous metal band. He gave me a "backstage pass" which was just a brochure for a nightclub.

Q6: If one of your children wanted to be a doctor, would you be encouraging or discouraging? What if they wanted to be a lawyer? What if they wanted to go to UT? (We know you just want them to be happy, so skip that part and tell us what you really think.)

A: I would be thrilled if they became physicians. That would be four generations in a row for my family. I wouldn't mind if they became attorneys either...I once considered that career myself. I would be much more disappointed if they went to tu (that's what Aggies call the University of Texas). [I’m gonna leave that explanation in, but only because a few of my 15 readers aren’t from Texas]

Q7: Who would win in a mud wrestling match: Monkey Girl or Nurse K?

A: The viewers, of course. I'll be the ring doctor.

Q8: Do you play any musical instruments?

A: I play around with the drums, but I'm just an amateur. One of my friends is an amazing guitarist, and we jam every now and then.

Q9: Describe your fantasy sandwich.

A: First take an inflatable swimming pool filled with chocolate pudding....just kidding. Toasted sourdough with smoked chicken, pastrami, pepper jack cheese, and mustard; a side of Wavy Lays, a couple of dill pickles, and a Dr. Pepper on ice.

Q10. If space aliens came into your ER one night, what conclusions about the human race would they make?

A: I think they would LWBS (leave without being seen), then go back to the mother ship and exterminate us like ants.

Q11: In a post, you asked “Is it still called a ‘haircut’ if it costs $400? Or is there a fancier name for it? For that much money, he should have gotten a happy ending.”

“Happy ending”? Where the heck do you get your hair cut?

A: I cut my own hair. Number 3 on the sides and number 6 or 8 on top. I would never pay someone $400 for something I could do myself for free.

Q12: At what point in life did you decide that you wanted to be a doctor?

A: My dad took me on hospital rounds with him a few times, and I remember the nurses pushed me around in a wheelchair. So it seems like forever.


Q13: We know that between Scalpel or Sword, you would choose Scalpel, but what about:

Carrots or Peas - carrots
Real or Fake - real
Beach or Mountains - beach
Girth or Length - In Texas, you don't have to choose.
Cold Beer or Iced Tea - iced tea
Leno or Letterman - Letterman
Boxers or Briefs - briefs
Cats or Dogs - cats
Pepsi or Coke - Coke
T or A - T
Simpsons or Flintstones - Simpsons
Nuts or No Nuts - no nuts
Top or Bottom - top

Q14: And of course, what color scrubs do you wear to work?

A: Johnny Cash

Picture: This is Scalpel relaxing at home on a day off from the ER.

Photo credit: I don't know where the photo came from. I received it in a funny e-mail from Mom. She would kill me if she knew I told y'all she sent me that picture. As you can see, I chickened out and didn't post the whole picture. Here are the original pictures.

Hint for Dr. September

He's a doctor.

These calendar docs are so temperamental. Last month, Dino refused to be photographed without the scrubs. This month, the doctor refused to wear scrubs. In fact, he refused to wear anything at all. Something about changing his image. . .

I'm not sure the medblog world is ready for this.

The Embarrassing Gerbil Question

I’ve been trying to decide for months if I should ask about this on my blog. Y’all have always been good about answering my questions, and this seems like the perfect place to ask the gerbil question. I could probably ask about it in a private e-mail, but geez, I’m embarrassed—maybe this is something everyone already knows and I’m just incredibly naïve and uninformed. I could Google it but I’m afraid of what kind of spam I would get afterwards. Okay, I’m just gonna ask it. (I can feel my face getting red just typing this question).

For years I have heard the Richard Gere story. It always starts with “I have this friend who knows someone who works the ER” and they swear they were there the night Richard Gere came in with the “gerbil problem”. I know people do crazy things, but do people really do that with gerbils?

Proposed Rebuild of the NY Skyline

This is still one of my favorite pictures.

Amanda Gets Meme'd -- Volume 2

Here you go, Amanda. And just for future reference, ms. smarty pants, the day does not end until midnight (or does it end at 11:59 p.m.?).

This is called the AMEX meme. I’d link to it, but I can’t remember where I found it. I do recall reading that American Express was unhappy because not very many people answered Amex to the last question.

My Name:

Childhood Ambition:

Soundtrack:
Retreat:

Wildest Dream:

Proudest Moment:

Biggest Challenge:

Alarm Clock:

Perfect Day:

Indulgence:
Last Purchase:

Favorite Movie:

Inspiration:

My life is:

My card is:

I know, this is kind of a sucky meme, but I haven’t had a lot of time lately. Feel free to make it less lame by getting rowdy in my comment section and making up suggestive answers.

Update on Dr. September. I haven’t even e-mailed him yet to ask if he would be this month’s calendar doc. And it’s already September 4th . I know, I know. I’ll do it this week.

9/5/07 Update: Amanda has meme'd. She did a great job considering the meme she had to work with. I didn't even understand half of the questions. Amanda's been a good sport and I guess she's out of the doghouse for questioning my womanhood. Although, now I'm a little hesitant to add this next update. I received this e-mail after someone read the confessions in my comment section about how us girls will occasionally check out other women's breasts:

Apple announced today that it has developed a breast implant that can store and play music. The iTit will cost $499 or $599 depending on cup size. This has been hailed as a major breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

Do Good Girls Get Tattoos?

I’ve been restless for about 4-5 months now. At first I thought it was spring fever, but it’s September now and the restlessness is still there. In one of my earlier posts, I wrote that I wasn’t the type to get anything pierced or tattooed, so my hair usually took the bullet when I felt like I needed a change. I went blonde in April. Even then, it wasn’t that drastic a change.

What’s so wrong with a small tattoo? In a place that is well hidden from the public, but can still be accessed in case I ever feel the need to show it off. Maybe upper hip? I’ve heard that gravity isn’t too kind to tattoos. Even a small one? Maybe I’ll just get my belly button pierced.


Amanda—Amanda Gets Meme’d – Vol. 2 will be posted on Tuesday because of the Labor Day holiday. Thought I forgot, didn't you?

Stupid Timekillers

My Fortune Cookie told me:
It is time to bring the bacon in from the cold.
Get a cookie from Miss Fortune ">



I won't even say how much time I just wasted playing this stupid game.